Hello everyone,
Its been awhile since i have been here. I just needed a question answered if anyone out there can help me. As most of u all know my H and i was having terrible problems for some time, There were things he was doing that was making me think he had cheated on me. My question is How do i find out for sure that he is being honest with me when i ask him right to his face if he has cheated on me, U see he is a bad lier has been now for many yrs. I don't have the money to hire a pi to follow him, and i can't work due to health problems, so i a'm just stuck at home allways wondering if he has cheated on me, and we only have 1 car so i myself can't even follow him to see what he might be doing.And he knows that i a'm stuck at home. I had a snoop software in my computer for awhile but diden't really see anything but 1 thing. I just feel it soooo strong that he has either cheated on me or he is now. please any advice? ty. Cathy

Cathy,

I remember you ... well, try to rent a car to follow H. However what have you done lately working on your own issues ?.

-rh-

Redhat,
Thank u for responding. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> I wish i could rent a car to follow him but he has such bad credit there would be no way i could do this, plus now again he has been laid off of work, and now there saying will not be no work for him till march. Personally i think he was fired! b/c we go through this quit often. U ask how i was doing on my issues, well actually pretty good. I went to my preacher for some councleing and that helped me, and also i have been spending alot of time with my friends and getting support. But as i said nothing seems to take away that deep feeling i have on my H about feeling he has cheated on me. but i a'm learning to deal with what he puts out better.

How about going to trade school ?. Nurse assistant or paralegal or dental assistant are to name a few. Also you might qualify for school loan regardless of you credit history but your income. However you have to have HS diploma or GED.

Concentrate on what you could do and leave behind the one that is not ... when the time come you could revisit them again.

I am glad you have some support. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

-rh-

Hi Cathy! I remember you too! Redhat has some great advice for you...if your health issues will allow you to handle that. Another option would be looking into some online programs. If I remember correctly, you never had any evidence of an affair, but you have a strong suspicion that something was going on. Is that right? I think what you need to do is get involved in something to get your mind of your suspicions. We all need something to act as a distraction so we can survive this. I'm not too good at giving advice so I hope this helps a little bit. I'm glad you came back to check in! I have been thinking about you and wondering how you were doing. Take care cathy!
BH

inthedark

I remember you as well...
Here's what I'm thinking...free yourself totally from the need to know if he is or is not cheating.....

Focus on the terrible problems....look at the actions which you find disrepectful from him...and do something about those things...

I mean even if he came home and said yes yes yes to cheating...you are still really just facing the same problems you find now...nothing really will change....and i am concerned that you spend a lot of time stuck in this thought process of is he cheating...is he cheating..and all these miscommunications and disrepectful encounters just continue on and on in your world...

Note this post is difficult to write as I don't know what the behaviors/actions are that lead to feel that he is cheating....

When we feel like we have no control over anything/anyone it is time to take control over that which we can...remembering that NOTHING we do or even KNOW can control anyone else actions but our own.

Your signature line is full of warning flags...but yet we will only live with the amount of disrepect we ALLOW in our lives...that at some point we are responsible for what we tolerate regardless of others actions...

So maybe tell us about the concrete actions of your husband that make you feel this way...
perhaps people may have similar experiences or ideas on how to end your participation in bad behavior...or how to meet unmet needs...

None of us here know if he is or isn't..or how to make him confess...but if you feel you are spinning your wheels getting know where...time to change quarterbacks....and if he is treating you disrepectfully...that's where you start...

ARK

itd45-

I can remember how terrible it was to have the feeling that my husband was cheating and not know for sure. when I thought I was going crazy, I finally prayed and asked God to reveal to me what I needed to know and then give me the strength to deal with whatever came up. I did this for a few days and then DDay happened. God brought forth what I needed to know and it turned out that my WH's best friend was the one who confirmed what happened on dday. !!!!

Also, I have physical problems and would feel trapped if I let myself. I had stayed in my M for financial fear, not a good way to live. For me, I sought help through my prayer group, alanon, and just about any other place. I would encourage you to pursue some of the options suggested above (or any others that you might have.) Tell yourself that you may be in this positon right now, but you are going to move on, create an income for yourself, that God will reveal what you need to do.

D.