Dear C2M,
I was on Zoloft for a while, and when things got REALLY bad, with the divorce and all, my Dr. said it just wasn't effective. He changed my to Lexapro, and you would not believe the difference!
Anyone else heard of it??? Please call your dr. as soon as you can and ask about it. It has helped me cope, I am so glad he changed me.
KK

Lexapro - never heard of it. But will call the doctor this week and see if what she thinks. What are the side effects, if any. I am not really impressed with Zoloft, and yes the hardest part of my life is about to come up. I don't think I will be able to stand up in court. I already told my lawyer. I told them that I will probably be so drugged, that I will collapse.

Thanks for your information. I am going to see what I can find on the internet. As far as I am concerned, had a bad day today, that life is not worth it. I truly believe that I would be better off dead. That way there is no daily pain of suffering with my shoulder and back, going through the physical therapy, and having to deal with SNL not wanting to pay physical therapy. I am tired of dealing with bills, and going to physical therapy, and SNL doesn't care or ask me. He didn't do anything of the sort today. He did bring over a bunch of frozen pizzas for the kids. Which was nice. My oldest daughter and I made dinner for her boyfriend and his brother. We made lasagna and salad, and he wanted banana bread, homemade. So I went shopping and spent 95 dollars on food today. I ended up feeding 7 people on my childsupport/alimony. Guess it won't last long. SNL doesn't see how much I am going to spend.

But thanks for the info on the anti-depressant. Oh yeah, how long does it take to take effect? How long did you take to see a difference?

Do you actually feel like smiling, on your own? I hate the way I feel, and like tonight, my pain is really getting bad. Just want to quit.

<small>[ December 28, 2002, 11:15 PM: Message edited by: cry2much ]</small>

C2M,
It took only a day or 2 to see the effects, plus I was given a mild anxiety reliever (tranxene) to use for a week while the anti-depressent kicked in more. I was literally balling my eyes out to the doctor, and 2 days later I did feel like smiling
Of course, God has helped a lot in that too!
It is painful, but you can get through this, I promise. So many of us remember the early days, and we also thought we'd never survive it, but we did, and we are much stronger now. You will be too!
God bless you!!!!!
KK

Cry2much,

we place alot of our patients at clinic now on lexapro. Much kinder and gentler than its predecessor, celexa. Alot of our patients who have serious problems get depressed with their health and our limitations and this is really helping. Not as much sucess lately with zoloft.

Think you should try it. I was briefly on zoloft this time last year and it did nothing for me.

I looked up Lexapro on the internet, and found that improvement was much quicker. Results were found to happen in 1-4 weeks. The dosage on the average is 10mg. Some of the side-effects are nausea, insomnia, profuse sweating, and fatigue. Did anyone ever experience any of these symptoms. I am going through menopause, and do get some sweating, am on hormone compound, but must be when cycle is changing, do get sweaty.

I am going to call my Dr. Monday after physical therapy to see if this is something that I can switch to. I need to use what I have of Zoloft, cause it is so darn expensive.

Do you know offhand how much this medication is?

I want to be happy, and get SNL out of my life for good. We can know each other, but I don't want to have anything to think about him. Yes, we did a lot in our life together, but he doesn't want me in his life, so that is it. The BS does get kicked in the Butt and thrown out in the ditch. So that is where I am, and I need to crawl out of the ditch and find life.

Thanks for the info.

Hi C2M,

I was checking in on you when a thought occurred to me....

Since you are going to make an appt to see your dr this week, why don't you print out all your posts and responses and ask your dr to read them? This could give your dr information that it's hard for us to convey during our appts. The more your dr knows, the better she will be able to provide a good treatment plan for you.

Also, your dr could give you her opinion on what us posters are telling you, and then you could let us know if your dr thinks it is beneficial to you or not. If your dr had any advice for us posters on how to support you and encourage you without overwhelming you more, that would help too.

Please tell the appt scheduler that you need the first available appt, and ask to be called if someone else cancels their appt. If you tell the scheduler that others are advising you to see the dr as soon as possible, that will probably explain it well enough and you won't have to try to explain why yourself.

On a lighter note, I laughed when I read about your lasagna dinner. I was reminded of the time that it was really important to my son to make a huge pan of lasagna for a special potluck dinner. The kitchen was a total mess when he walked out the door with it--and our family ate eggs, oatmeal, and peanut butter sandwiches for the week (lasagna is good but costly). Was it worth it? You bet it was!! The enjoyment and kudos he got were priceless! But he couldn't have done it without help with shopping, moral support and good-natured teasing during the preparation, cleanup help, and a family who was willing to let him spend most of the grocery money that week. Everyone contributed in their own way, and I think that made it even more special to him.

Choices and decisions--we make the ones we can best live with the results of, and in this case we chose well.

Take care C2M

Yet again, good advice, I will print most of the posts here. And the one on pain and depression. This should give her good insight on my swings. Also, the intensity that I am living with every day.

The lasagna was good, I personally don't like it, ate a couple of spoonfuls, but the family enjoyed it and daughters boyfriend and his brother.

You know, it is so expensive, I was thinking how much the ones from stouffers, the family size cost, and what the cost difference is. I had to make mine with ground turkey, cause the boyfriend does not eat beef. I personally, like ground turkey, and would eat it more often. The kids like the gorund beef. I used to split ground beef with 1/2 of eat, ground beef, and gorund turkey. But SNL didn't like it, would complain, and then I would go back to 100% beef.

Today, is a kind of clean the refrigerator out day, leftovers, and cans of this and that. I do enjoy cooking, but haven't quite enjoyed it for the last couple of years. Found out at christmas dinner, that I still don't think clearly. Left out a can of evaporated milk in the pumpkin pie. It was heavy. Left out the cheese in the layer salad. Told my mother, I hate this, I don't seem to beable to concentrate for very long. Do people on the new Meds, seem to have their concentration back.

I used to be one that completed projects, from the start to the finish. Now, I find myself jumping from one to another, and coming back to the original project days later, not completed. This annoys me big time, And I seem to have to write things down on paper all the time. This bothers me and maybe alzheimers is setting in. The tenson in my body is high, and can't seem to relax very much. Anxiety is high, good cause for a heart attack. Hope it happens during the night and I can just lay their and die. That way won't have to upset the kids with pain. They can just wake up and I am gone. Just shouldn't eat, so I don't create a mess in bed. That would be embarrassing. Morbid thoughts, but something that I think about.

Dear C2M,
The memory thing, from my experience, is quite normal, our minds are on overload, and can't focus on too much at once, if anything at all.

Hey, ask your doctor for SAMPLES of lexapro, my good doc keeps me supplied with them. They get them free all the time. At least ask for a months worth, that way you can tell if you like them
Take care of yourself,
KK

The memory thing I was told too, because of overload, and your brain is working hard just trying to focus on simple issues. I know this is normal, but no one said we had to like it.

Seems to me that the memory thing wouldn't take this long to come back. That is why I wonder at times if dementia or whatever is taking place. I have a hard time remembering where I took my shoes off. I used to take them off at the door, but now, who knows.

Also, I am losing my keys all the time. Don't tell SNL this, cause it would prove to him that I am insane. So I just look and look, try to trace my tracks from the day before. And eventaully I find them.

Making lists, is such a hassle, and time consuming. But I make lists all the time. Wish that I could just record things on a recorder. But then I would have to remember to bring the recorder, and play it.

Life sure changes as you get older, and stresss is really do a job on me. Hope that I die before I get totally wiped out.

C2M,
Call your doctor in the morning first thing!
You should not be having thoughts of dying!!!
KK

But life would be so much easier for SNL. He wouldn't have to do anymore work for his lawyer, he wouldn't HAVE to give me alimony, or child support. He could have this house, and all the things in it. He could live in this house and conduct his life anyway he wants to. He still has to deal with his mother and the problems he has caused her.

But it seems I am just a pain in the butt for him, and he can't wait till I am gone, kaboosh, so why not make it easy. No more hassles, no more talking to me, no more having to tell me he is not going to pay for physical therapy, which he has been doing quite a bit, no more having to pay for the extra kids living here, nothing. Seems like this would end all the problems for everyone.

Yes, I am calling my Dr. in the morning. Just found my card and physical therapy is not till 1pm. Cause, this was going to be my last visit. So everything was a mess, Friday, and I just said, I will take whatever time you have.

C2M,

Please believe me that it would NOT be better for snl if you were dead. Even though it might seem to you that it would be easier for snl, it really wouldn't be. Just trust me on that one for now ok? You will be able to see this yourself after you start an effective treatment plan for the depression.

And it would DEVASTATE your kids for LIFE. No matter what the ages of the children, whether they are very young, teens, young adults or even older adults, they are severely affected in terrible ways for LIFE when a parent suicides no matter what the reason. If suicide seems like a good idea to you, please talk to a therapist who counsels children of all ages after the suicide of a parent. I think you owe it to your kids as well as to yourself to make a FULLY INFORMED decision--especially since suicide is permanent and you can't change your mind afterward.

C2M, this depression is temporary. This depression will lift. Calling your dr first thing tomorrow morning is an important step in forming an effective treatment plan.

Many people care about you, including who knows how many lurkers. I'm usually a lurker so I'll bet you didn't know that I followed your posts before and I worried and prayed for you when you were no longer posting. I wonder how many lurkers care about you and are praying for you now? I wonder how many of them are experiencing something similar to what you are experiencing but can't post about it? I wonder how many you will help just by helping yourself? I'll bet you didn't realize how very important you are!

Take care C2M

Ditto Yet Again's comments!

Hiya Peach! Long time no hear.

C2m.....we must change that name or how about keep the initials and change it to C2much ( as in see to much)?

About the not missing you comment, you know that is not true. What you do need to do is not meet SNLs needs anymore. Meet what you can for your children but SNL needs to be really really on his own. Being in another house isn't enough. Also he should not be allowed to side step his obligations.

You know I write knowing that SNL maybe lurking..... Ok if so, then hear up SNL, you know what you should be doing. Where is your human compassion? C2m is not a monster and no one should be subject to the pain and suffering she is undergoing......

I think checking with the doc is good. Let us know how you are doing.

take care & hugz,
L.