Ok let me explain. I have decided to move out and start separating our things, closing joint accounts and getting settled on my own.
In stead of selling our other home, I decided to keep it and My W wants our current home. However, We have half the home rented to a friend and her two boys. I feel it would be a great situation for me as she works at our daycare as well. She would be able to take the girls to Daycare and bring them home, that way I would not have to have any contact with W. And I would have some one there while I travle.
The thing I don't think looks good is that I move in with an other woman. I don't think she would use it to hurt me, but you never know what they are willing to do. I have talked to my W about it and she thinks it would be ok.

I am with my D's visiting my folks this weekend. I took my Ds skiing for the first time and they had so much fun. The W has called about 7 times in the last 2 hours, but I don't want to answer it. Is that bad? I just want her to know what itwill be like if we D.

So let me know what you think.
CD

Is the house a duplex? Is there a seperate entrance? In other words, would you be sharing space with this woman? I would be very careful if you would be sharing living space.

I don't know the situation that led to your separation or the legal details, but if you are still married and you are "living" with another woman (even if it is not in a sexual way) you could be in for some trouble. Be careful.

CD
I don't think this will work. Unless there are some real strict boundries set and all. You are vulnarable to anything right now.

I personally think it would be better for you to be on your own with the kids and get them to a daycare. Just looking out for ya.

No matter how innocent it seems. It could be trouble or could be something you wife turns around and uses for an excuse against you.

Zoey

I personally don't think it would be a good idea. You know, living in the same space, can cause some legal problems. Also, this could result in becoming friends, that could become more. Just like my WS says, he and the other woman were only friends.

I personally would think that you being out on your own would be better. Also, you have to look at being on your own like you stated your wife. There will not always be someone in your home to take the kids to daycare. And as far as traveling, that is something that you should do on your own, not depend on your roommate.

I don't believe that this would be a good situation for your kids either. It just doesn't feel good.

Two problems:
1) If you D, your living situation could be used against you.
2) You are vulnerable to an A yourself because your ENs are not being met right now.

Penny wise, pound foolish.

Until you get the final papers on the divorce, it's better if your living arrangements are completely separate from involving any other person except your children.

While this may seem to be a great way of solving many problems with becoming a single parent and a divorced partner...I wouldn't do it.

You're the injuried party in this, don't do ANYTHING which could muddy the water at this point.

Now...if you decide that this is what you are going to do regardless...you may want to HIRE this woman as a caretaker of the children where her and her kids room and board are included...Put it on paper and make very sure that you keep it employer and employee relationship and completely aboveboard. The salary could be next to nothing.

CD,

Let's say I know this guy in the military. Let's say his W is having or had an affair and wants out of the marriage badly. BUT, she also wants everything she can get from the guy before she leaves: great CS, better Spousal support, the house, the better car, a generous split of his retirement, Oh and the pick of all the furnishings and him to take over all her debt.

Now, this guy is thinking of taking up residence with a woman. This move would save money, be convenient, and she is ONLY a friend.

BETTER YET, HIS W THINKS THIS IS A GOOD IDEA!

Now, I would be suspicious. It is possible that she doesn't know that adultery is a serious offense in the military. It is possible that she wouldn't "suggest" turning him in for living with another woman. It is possible that she would "offer" to keep quiet if certain arrangements could be made with regard to spliting up things. It is possible that she is a real nice lady with the morals of a SAINT.

It is also possible that the decision to live with this friend could be the dumbest thing this guy ever did given the woman he is married to.

How would you advise this guy? <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

I think you know what my advice would be.

God Bless,

JL

There you have it CD

JustLearning out it PERFECTALLY as he always does

(hi jl, hope all is well with you)

Zoey

I am kinda in a pinch. We already told this person to move her stuff out of the room and her boyfriend helped her fix up the down stairs. I really don't have anywhere else to go. I told My W I would be out of this house this week. I am deploying again in Feb, anyway. I just don't know what to tell the kids.
I asked the W if we could wait a month or so before doing the paper work, she said she would think about it. Well she thought about it and doesn't like it. She says she will still feel the guilt when she sees this guy. She was telling me that she didn't know what would happen when they were free to date in the open. Thought the spark would fade and she wouldn't want to be with him. Wants to have a relationship with me that we can call each other when we need a friend. Go out to dinner with the kids... things like that. OK, is this possible? She talks like a divorce will erase everything and we might miss each other and get back together.

It’s so hard for me to let go. I can't stand the thought that some guy will come into, what was, my home and hold, what was, my wife. The fact that he and his parents bought my Ds gifts for X-mas really gets my goat. How do I show kindness when all I feel inside is rage!

So confused!
CD

Do you have a lawyer? IF not...get one! Talk to your commanding officer about this...at least make sure that someone in a position to know what is happening and can help you if it's needed knows why you are moving in this house.

Cover your @$$!!!!!

Sounds like she gots "the talk" down pat! Don't buy into it. I have no idea what will happen in the future...but you must look after yourself and your rights and the rights of your children.

ps...take your rage out on a punching bag. Less legal worries that way! You can't control anyone but yourself...and you've been doing a great job.

I agree with JUST W WIFEY...

Please get legal help. This is going a bit far. The OM's family is buying gifts for your kids??

Sheeeeesh!!

Please get some legal advice. You are going to need it. Much as this hurts, you have got to protect yourself and your kids.

Am I blind to what she really has planned? I really don't see her trying to be mean. She has never asked for anything, not even alimony. Of course she needs child support and I would never think of not paying that.
What makes me upset is the fact that OM parents think she is a sweetheart. They don't know she is married. Of course she wants a divorce so she can date him more freely, but she is still married.
I want to be nothing but friendly and supportive of her feelings, not her actions, but when I think of what she has done and is doing, I get nothing but rage in side and I want to let her know how I am really feeling. But she always comes back to the times I let it out and says we will never be able to do it. I will always bring it up. or..We need a divorce because all we do is fight.
I can't concentrate, I have dreams about OM. I am going nutz... Why can't I just let go and move on?

CD

CD,

Why can't the W move in with this woman? Maybe I'm missing something here.....after all, isn't she the one causing the sepparation?

Boy YOU really caught my attention with your title! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

CD:

Even if you're right and your W isn't malicious, JL's advice can't get you into any worse trouble, can it?? Another thing to consider is that this might be another one of her means of erasing her guilt, and you don't want to be doing her that favor.

"She says she will still feel the guilt when she sees this guy."

That's good.

"She was telling me that she didn't know what would happen when they were free to date in the open. Thought the spark would fade and she wouldn't want to be with him."

What's free to date? And as for "the open", just make sure everybody knows what's happened, and she'll have her "open".

"Wants to have a relationship with me that we can call each other when we need a friend. Go out to dinner with the kids... things like that. OK, is this possible?"

Anything's possible, CD, but this sounds more like rationalization than rational thought on her part.

"She talks like a divorce will erase everything and we might miss each other and get back together. "

You might, but the best way to get back together is to stay together and work out this problem together. It's hard work, but anything worthwhile, like saving your family, is hard work.

Please stay home, CD. Just my 2 cents.

CD,
You are scaring me! You are still married and your W is talking about the OM and dating etc. and you don't think she is trying to be mean? <img border="0" title="" alt="[Confused]" src="images/icons/confused.gif" />

You have two homes, she has another man. Let her move to the other home if she wants to. If you move out you have freed her to have the OM live with her and your children while you are still married. She can move in to the home that you were considering and make the arrangements.

You MUST protect yourself. While you do not see any "motives" here, it seems as though she could be setting you up. Lets see, you live with another woman and the poor wife is left to fend for herself...can you see how that might look in court?

Get legal help and sort this out before you go anywhere. Please!

OK CD,
Based on your newest thread it seems that you are unable to take the advice so many here have given you. I am worried about you. Please call Dr. Harley today. You may not be able to stop the divorce, but you can make informed decisions that will impact your future. Please get professional help before you make a big mistake.

Updated on other post.
"I'm through letting WW walk all over me"

hope it doesn't get nasty.

CD, why not just continue to live in same home with W and kids as friends with W? Or let W move to other house with other woman and her kids. If you can live in a house with other woman as friend, why not in home with kids and w? I mean, if you just up and move because w says so, it could also be called desertion? Lot of remafications here. Think hard and long before doing anything! LouLou