Hey - Sara -
How's it going?

How was your Christmas and what are your NYE plans?

I've been thinking about you a lot and wondered how you are coping? Any news?

Our Christmas was nice. Hope yours was, too. We are having a NYE bash at our house with about 20 adults and a handful of kids (who are a handfull!)

Hope 2003 is better for all of us....
DB

Dear Dazed,

HAPPY NEW YEAR <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

I have been running crazy for weeks now it seems. I didn't even have time to enjoy Christmas. I am coping ok, You??, put the letter into action, results, we will see. He says that we will go to counseling, and he is done with ow, (???) still not taking password off of phone. Otherwise, i am still continueing with my plans. I am working extra hard and putting money back for a move if necessary.

Wishing you and yours a better and happier, 2003

Sara

Sara - I've missed you!!!

I'm doing well. Actually better today. Yesterday was bad for lots of reasons. Today, much better. Truly a rollercoaster!!

Well, it sounds like you got a reaction from the letter. Great - push the counseling. How I wish I had....

I'm still in shock that Zoey moved out!!! She's been sooo great on here and we're losing her!!

I suppose it's back to school for you on Monday? I thought you would check in then if you didn't before.

Be happy.
DB

Dear Dazed,

Your right, rollercoaster. I keep hoping for the end of the ride. I am wondering about Zoey, . I guess it got to be to much for her. You know we all make mistakes. I wish he could have let it go. How sad. I often wonder if i will ever get over this, or be able to let it go. Counseling is definitly in order. How is your family??? You said your son was injured, how is his game. Baskeball is still going right???

Sara:
Yes, my s is still playing basketball. We went to Chicago for a second opinion last weekend. This dr. told us his ACL was completely torn (other doc had said partial), he wasn't done growing (other doc said he was done growing) and that rehab will take 6 months to a year (other doc said 3-4 months. Surgery can't be performed until he is done growing. This doc would like to wait until June. We had been thinking March then he could play this summer. Now, with surgery in June he should be ready to play basketball by December. Which means no football.

DS is taking this pretty good. His true love is basketball (besides his girlfriend!). But H and I are going to have a hard time not seeing him on football field. We told the coach and he took it pretty well. Most of the town has come up to us and can't believe he won't be playing football.

This fall is going to be tough. I don't think we handled it well as a couple last fall (that's when A started) and now this.

I was working on scrapbook last night - I am soo behind and was doing football pics and H told me "Your'e making this scrapbook and I don't think I'll be able to look at it." Aww....

Anyway, I had this horrible thing happen on Saturday. I went to watch my best friend's son play basketball (freshman tourney) and help her with concession stand. Not a big crowd for poor freshmen. Anyway, OW1 is her SIL. She was in town for a Christmas party with my BF. So she came to the game. Now, I've been in lots of situations with her before and while I'm not friendly, I can be at least polite. She tries to avoid me. So that was no big, big deal.

However, we were playing OW2's town and about the middle of the game I notice she is there!!!! She doesn't have a kid playing!!!! I didn't notice her come in (I was in lobby whole time at concession stand).

Both of them in the same gym as me!!!!!! I could hardly take it. My H was supposed to be coming to the game but he didn't show up until after OW2 had already left. I told him about it and he was worried about me. I was shaking for about a half hour after she left. This was my first sighting of her since the A. Her @$$ is huge!!!!!In my mind's eye I think I had let her lose 30 pounds. She hadn't!!!

Anyway, I come to find out that I have made small talk with her daughter all day!!! YUK!!! And, I think I parked right behind her SUV!!! Again, YUK!!!! This is precisely why I need more information.

I thought she was being extremely bold. Don't you hate when the OW are bold??? What do they have to be bold about??? Thieves, liars, and cheaters??????? She came out to the lobby and stayed out there for about 10 minutes. Our lobby isn't that big!! She knew I was there because she kept her back to me the whole time but she was talking loud - to draw attention. She sent her daughter over to the stand to buy her some candy and the daughter made a point of saying "these are for my mom". YUK!!!!

I've been pondering this whole incident, is it a sign of some kind? I might even post this and ask the question. Is it a good sign or a bad omen? I can only come up with a bad omen. I don't know how to explain it, but it's as if I think this is bad, just wait until there's 3OW in the same place at the same time. It couldn't have been a good sign. It's too coincidental.

We haven't really talked about it, and I know we should. It's just that when I try to talk about the A or anything he gets so upset and it turns into be all about his feelings instead of mine. I hate to upset him and "rock the boat".

This all comes after a very rough Thursday night - Friday when I was feeling scared, insecure and very sad.

Enough about me, how are you doing? Did you ask your H to remove password or are you expecting him to do it on his own? Do your kids know anything about what is going on? Are you glad to be back at school?

Other than that, we had a nice Christmas. We actually got a new SUV to replace the van they had sex in!!!!

Sorry this is so long - had to vent. I feel better.
K.

OMG. I sstarted laughing at the big A$$ and haven't stopped yet, i know i shouldn't laugh, The situation is terrible but my gosh your amazing, i would have ran from the gym. Some peoples audacity and out right lack of shame for their behavior is terrible. And no i don't think it is a bad sign. Maybe she was looking for him when she saw your car???. Some women never stop. They have to be stopped. YUK YUK and more YUK.
And i know the talking about the A is hard. I don't know why it always turns into about them (same w/us last night) we all have ups and downs in marriage. We don't all choose to cheat. And im sorry that they feel blah blah blah, and i know we wern't what ever perfect but, geeze, responsibility someone please.

Opps venting too <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

I'm glad you got a new SUV. They are great. I love my suburban. Its not new but its as solid as a rock. And thats great because i don't have the best driving record. Some of my friends call me crash. I've totaled 4 and been in one other major wreck. I've never gotten a ticket either but i walked away from all but the last one. that one threw me out. Actually, my h blames the wreck for the a. He says that he suddenly realized he wasn't invencible.(sp) I guess i can see his point. I think a life crisis, maybe but geeze she is and was a nasty stripper.

I didn't ask him to remove his password. No my kids don't i hope, and NO i am not glad to be back at school. My daughters teacher quit over christmas break, (new baby) so everything is up in the air for her and she already struggles academically

Wow long post. Going to go teach,
Sara <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

Sara:
I suppose I should be looking at the optimistic side of the situation instead of the dark side. I posted the story in Recovery and no one really took it as a bad sign but then again, aren't we all hopeful.

I'm glad you and H are at least talking. I hope things are getting better.

This is our busy season at work. I'm am snowed.
K

Thinking about you and hoping you have a productive day at work.

H. saw ow yesterday. as you know they are still in contact. I didn't think i would be ok. I am. He picked up her christmas tree for our pond. he told me before hand, ect.
I know i can't do this. saving my money. i guess knowing that i have to stick around until May has made me jaded. i will just get a truck and leave then. I know these extra relationships physical or not are to much for me to bear. I know i should tell him again. But that would make 15 or twenty times over the past two years so. He is not listening, im talking to the wind. Maybe counseling will help. I will schedule it today.

ugh, YUK, i want off today.
sara

Sara:
I don't go to work until 8:30 - I'm always a couple minutes late!!!

I guess I thought things were better. Will he go to counseling with you? Are you calling MB?

You have to stay until May because of your job? Will you leave and go to a different town or just another house in town. I don't blame you for wanting to get away. Sometimes I do too.

I just wonder, when will he get tired of me again. Everything is so "new and different" right now. But how long will it be until I have to go through this again. It's so not fair.

Even when things are going great, I still think, Why did you have to do this to us, Why am I not enough, Why can't I have someone who loves me for me and not have to worry the rest of my life that I'm not special enough to not cheat on?

Have a good day at work, I hope the sun shines on you today.
DB

i will leave town. I decided that years ago. I only moved here because of him so there is no reason to stay. I think even as far away as Tulsa would be good enough for me. He says he will go to counseling. I found one this morning. I would like to go to one of those weekend ones with MB or DR. Phil. I bet he would eat me for lunch though.
And i guess things are better, i just can't live with knowing he has any relationship with her, or other women more than just casual buddies. I donn't want to wake up 40 without knowing i have found someone who will not put me through hell, and will be there for me, good or bad, sick or well. I just can't do it. I would rather be alone.

I thought about that that the other day, too. If it happens again, I'll be that much older and having to start out on my own. Maybe I should have just cut my losses and gave up now. I'm only 38 and I just think I would rather go through the starting over mess younger than older.

Sometimes I feel like I didn't take long enough to think about what I wanted to do. I wanted to tell the kids that night. He played the financial card and won with that. I made all these decisions before the kids came home from their evening out and I should have just made him go to a different part of the house for a couple of days so I could think about it.

Oh, well. Hindsight is 20/20. But it's not happening to me again, either. I love him more than anything but that was his last chance to hurt me that bad.

What about a weekend retreat at a church or something like that? Our church has them every once in awhile and I think they are relatively cheap. Definitely make him do counseling.
K.