Its been a while since I have posted here. I looked today and saw a lot of new faces and some old friends still hanging around. For all of you newbies, let me say that MB is a godsend, pay close attention to the MB principals and put them into practice. It will get better, it really will. Sure, the pain may seem unbearable right now, but with a lot of hard work on your part (dont ever forget that the focus is on you, not WS or OP), you will survive this and become better people. I know, because I was a complete basket case after DDay (9-27-01, yes, it really has been that long). I rode the emotional roller-coaster, shed many tears, and felt every conceivable emotion there is, sometimes all at the same time. And I made it through, and if I can, so can all of you.
As my post says, I have come to the end of this journey, closing this chapter of my life and ready to turn the page and start a new one. A long time ago, a wise MB-er told me the story and the significance of what the triangle means at the top of the MB pages. Without rehashing it too much, I have made it to the top of the triangle, made the journey by myself and stand alone at the top. What started out a long time ago as a journey to save my M turned into a journey of self-evaluation and self-discovery. I have made some significant changes in who I am, hopefully for the better, and find myself stronger and more confident than I have been for a long time, maybe in my entire life
WW has changed too, or maybe I never noticed what was going on before DDay. I'm not judging her or putting her down, I still care deeply for her. But, she has serious issues involvong alcoholism, depression and a lot of anger and bitterness towards me and her family that I cant help her with, nor do I really want to. She has become very bitter, withdrawn and distant, not just to me, but to her entire family and the kids as well. Its almost as if she feels the world is against her. We are not close anymore, I do still live at home, but I stay in the guest room and we are only room-mates now. We dont talk about anything except for issues involving the kids. In a way, we are divorced, and in the not so far off future, I plan on making it official so I can shed this last piece of this painful past.
Success doesn’t necessarily mean that the M has or will survive. For me, success means that I have accepted what has happened, realized the mistakes I have made, forgiven WW and myself for what we have done, and can put it all behind me and move on, without bitterness, resentment or anger. As I have said, I still do care deeply for WW, we spent almost 14 years building a life together, but the intimate feelings are just not there anymore, haven’t been for a long time. I can look back and know I did everything I could to make the M work but it was never reciprocated by WW. Maybe I could have done things different, I don’t know, but I do know I did the very best I could.
But please, don’t think that my M ending is a reflection on yours. There are many, many M's that have succeeded because of MB. In my case, there were and are just to many other issues that need to be resolved first before any kind of reconciliation could be started. Time ran out for me, I didn’t see any point on continuing and quite frankly, don’t really care anymore.
I know my time here is coming to an end. I have tried to make an effort to post more often and maybe help others, but for now, I need to focus on other things. There are so many of you here who I would like to thank from the bottom of my heart. POPS and WHO (some oldies who arent here anymore), Cant Sleep, Orchid, Redhat, BrambleRose, Broken Hearted, Cali, and so may more. Thank you, without your support and advice, I know I wouldn’t be at the place I am now.
I wish I could offer some great words of wisdom, but can't really think of anything, so I'll offer you a quote from Bill Withers song "Lean on Me"
Sometimes in our lives we all have pain
We all have sorrow
But if we are wise
We know that there's always tomorrow
Yes, there is always tomorrow, it may not be the next day, but tomorrow will come. I didn’t think I would ever make it to tomorrow, but now that I am here, it ain’t all that bad.
Take care all.
LoveHerStill <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />
<small>[ December 31, 2002, 12:47 PM: Message edited by: loveherstill ]</small>
