I have become acquainted with a few of the MB'ers here and have come to love and respect you all. I moved back up north to NJ and I have FINALLY found out about the EA and PA my H is having and I just CANNOT deal with it anymore. I found out the day after Christmas after calling the OW.

It started in 7/02 ended 8/02 and began again in 11/02 and is proceeding heavily. She told me ALL the gory details and also told me my H is trying to impregnate her. <img border="0" alt="[Teary]" title="" src="graemlins/teary.gif" /> . Currently my husband is residing in SC where she lives with her Mother <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" /> . They do NOT live together but she said that he is insisting on them getting an apt together. She is 23 yrs old by the way and "loves him" and he "loves her." Anyway, when I called the other woman he was here up North with me and told me that we will NEVER get divorced. HMPH!! Well I had her on my cell phone, placed conveniently in my pocket and confronted him about her. He adamantly denied knowing her and also denied being with her or any other women. He said she is a lying B#$ch.

She was crushed and I have to admit I felt bad for her as well. She knew NOTHING of him being married, he told her that I was just his son's mother. I know she will continue to see him and know I have lost the battle. I have tried for SO LONG I don't have anything left. Yesterday he called my cousin and told my male cousin that he was going to tell me the truth about her (in the company of the OW) <img border="0" alt="[Teary]" title="" src="graemlins/teary.gif" /> <img border="0" alt="[Teary]" title="" src="graemlins/teary.gif" /> <img border="0" alt="[Teary]" title="" src="graemlins/teary.gif" />

I did not and will not answer my telephone to be humiliated. I am so heartbroken and know that it's over. Thank you all for the input you've given me through my ordeal. GC, Orchid, Kily, Zoey-special hellos to you.

<small>[ December 31, 2002, 01:14 PM: Message edited by: luvhazeleyes ]</small>

Hi LUV.

You have been in my thoughts. I'm sorry to hear how things have gone for you. As painful as this is right now, you will make it through and discover strength that you never knew you had.

I am here if you need to talk. You also have my email so USE it if you need to.

Happy New Year and HUGS to you.

bumping for a lil inspiration

Big NYE hugs for you...

I'm sorry things have gone this way for you...

He certainly has been able to compartmentalize his 'two' lives...

Take care of yourself... protect yourself...

Many prayers,
Cali

Hi Luv,

See I don't get the reason the OW told you those
'gory' details. You really think she is dumb enough to think a man his age is NOT married? Hm.... sounds kinda suspicious.

IMHO, she knows and is playing dumb n innocent. REally dumb but not innocent.

Do what is best for you. If your H wants his family back, he now has to 'earn' it back. The decision to go back will then be yours. Are you ready for that? If not, give yourself time to think.

A piece of advice to the OW..... prego or not, some of his $$ is already tied up back to his family. Now what is her real reason for wanting a sugar daddy?

These younguns are not as dumb nor innocent as they try to be. Sorry to be so harsh on your H but don't let either fool you. Instead let him prove what it means to want his family back. You are worth it!

Hugz,
L.

Its me Zoey

Do you remember me. I post mostly in the Recovery Forum.

Im so sorry to hear of the recent turn of events but not to sound harsh, at least you are getting to the truth! Truth is hard and painful at times my friend but at least its the truth and you can start to deal with it.

You H sounds very confused and its very sad if you ask me. He is ruining the lives of lots of people but of course he does not see that right now. I wish there was something more I could say but I want you to try to take care of yourself and do the best you can do for YOU.

Remember some of the good rules. Don't be needy, cry alot or beg. That is very very unattractive. Have some respect for yourself for the loving woman that you are. Be true to YOURSELF.

I hope that 2003 brings you some much needed peace.

Zoey

EDIT: I just noticed that you posted a personal note to me. THANKS. So sweet but I always knew either way you were going to be okay. Its tough I know but please try to rest and take care of yourself. Start thinking about your options and how to better your life my friend.

<small>[ December 31, 2002, 09:57 PM: Message edited by: Zoey ]</small>

If he didn't tell the OW that he is married, then there is not honesty in his relationship with her. Something for you to think about. It's good for you to move on, of course, and an OW C could really complicate things, but I think the lack of honesty to OW shows that he may be back.

Happy New Year to you all,

Well my New Year has started off so-so. I brought it in with my best friend, his wife and family. At least I felt as if I belonged somewhere. My son asked to call his Dad to wish him a Happy New Year and I did let him, however I was no where around because remember he wants to humiliate me in front of his OW. So again today my H calls my cell phone and I am still declining his calls.

He is really wanting to prove to this woman that he is through with me, I cannot believe this sh#$. He then calls my cousin (his go-between) and tells him that he is adamantly trying to speak to me to tell me that he wants me out of his life and has other things to "get off his chest." Why does he have to speak to me? Why do I have to hear this from his mouth? I've gotten the picture from what she's said and will not dare call him, EVER.

When he found out that I called the OW he called me and told me to NEVER speak to him again. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" /> I have not bothered him since. Why is it SOOO important for him to do this in front of her? That is something I really do NOT understand. I'm not even so hurt anymore I am more angry than anything else. He is treating me as if I never meant anything to him.

Orchid as usual u give me great inspiration.

ZOEY- <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> you're welcome
</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> You H sounds very confused and its very sad if you ask me. He is ruining the lives of lots of people but of course he does not see that right now. I wish there was something more I could say but I want you to try to take care of yourself and do the best you can do for YOU.</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I don't think he's confused. From the looks of things he seems to be very sure of what he wants, I just don't know why it took me finding out for him to want to be honest. I'm beginning to hate him and myself for still being IN LOVE with him.

Thanx to everyone else for their input as well, it is very much appreciated

BUMP?? ANYONE CAN HELP <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by luvhazeleyes:
<strong>Happy New Year to you all,

.......
He is really wanting to prove to this woman that he is through with me, I cannot believe this sh#$. He then calls my cousin (his go-between) and tells him that he is adamantly trying to speak to me to tell me that he wants me out of his life and has other things to "get off his chest." Why does he have to speak to me? Why do I have to hear this from his mouth? I've gotten the picture from what she's said and will not dare call him, EVER.

When he found out that I called the OW he called me and told me to NEVER speak to him again. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" /> I have not bothered him since. Why is it SOOO important for him to do this in front of her? That is something I really do NOT understand. I'm not even so hurt anymore I am more angry than anything else. He is treating me as if I never meant anything to him.
</strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Ok, here's my 2 cents (geeze, I keep throwing that line around and I will soon be a dollar in debit!! - LOL! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" /> ).

Here goes:
1. He has to prove it to her and himself because they just can't seem to convince even themselves. You are even harder to convince so the next fog logic requires emotional abuse.

2. Right now in his frame of mind, you don't mean much to him. This sounds mean but that is what I went through also. In fact that is when I decided to send him to the OW and let her meet AAAALLLLLL his needs. All of them. The good, the bad and the ugly. No sense I only be the fortunuate one to deal with the bad and the ugly. I think it was only fair that the OW gets to see his bad side also. So in my case, I sent him to the OW with his bad messy habits (not puttin things away, etc.) and debits.... all the 'fun' stuff I had at my house and told him to go let his 'new love' meet all his needs.

Wow, that OW surely didn't want that. But then I reminded both of them how much she knew him better than me and how much she promised to take care better care of him that I ever did. I said well now you can put your $$ where your big fat mouth (or in this case, e-mails) were. Here deary you can have aaaalllll of him.

Well guess what? That OW didn't want that much. Just the fun stuff. Piece of reality there. Wake up call for the WS also. He knew that all that other junk was his and he sure didn't trust the OW to take care of his messes like I had been living with. He would have been on the street if it wasn't for me. Now not that I am great but really...... I paid the bills as best as I could and even when he did things behind my back, I am still trying hard to catch up with those bills. We have been on the financial edge many a time because of this and ONLY NOW is he realizing the damage his spending and messy ways has taken him.

ex: H has been out of town for 3 days, I have been working 8 - 12 hours all of those days (including Sat and today - in fact I'm @ work now) and yet I have managed to clean the house, do the laundry and other normal Household stuff. My house looks better since he has been out. Hm..... he apologized for the mess he left when he flew out, well he will still have some to clean up when he gets back. My working schedule is very hectic and so I couldn't finish it all but enough to make it look presentable again. Clean house, clean clothes, basic necessities of life....still done.

The point is that this WS thought he had it all.....typical conflict avoider/cakeman syndrome. Bad combination.

The best remedy for me was to do less and make him do more. Talk less and look more. When I want info, I ask H "can I ask you a question?" He usually says yes and now even cringes a bit. Better than his angry attitude. He is softening but it is taking a while.

This is from a guy who never smiled in front of his family. His own siblings (he has 9 left) even asked what I did after we were married because they saw H laughing. They had never seen that before. I said..... oh, that's how I was raised, to enjoy your family - kinda like a requirement for me. Boy I didn't know what a challenge I had ahead of me!!!!

So now Mr. Grumpy is learning to smile and not break his face!!! LOL! (favorite Hawaiian expression <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> ).

L.

I imagine that OW is putting some heavy pressure on him to set you straight while she gets to listen. Its how he can prove himself to her and get himself out of the jam he's in for lying to her.

Do NOT be available for that.

Why on earth does OW want to have a child with him? Isn't she observing how he is simply walking away from the family he has now? Sheesh what stupidity!

Seems to me that you're in a great position to do considerable harm to their relationship....lol.
Thats the evil side of me coming out....I'd probably stay in touch with her and fill her head with ideas.

I'm sorry for your pain.

Hey Guys,

Orchid
your husband almost mirrors mine, are they cousins <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> I LOVE your posts, please keep em coming. You are such a lifesaver, probably more than you know.

originally posted by Lexxy
</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> Seems to me that you're in a great position to do considerable harm to their relationship....lol.
Thats the evil side of me coming out....I'd probably stay in touch with her and fill her head with ideas.</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Actually thats the idea I had in mind. I called the OW because my H's calls were out of control and I wanted to see if he WAS trying to prove anything to her. Well I found out that he actually went to Atlanta to PARTY <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> instead of spending new year's with her. Actually he was gone for four days WITHOUT her. She told me that he is STILL telling her that he is NOT married to me, BUT she found a western union receipt from him wiring me money with my name. (same last name as his) <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> I was EXTREMELY happy to hear that. She confronted him about it (via the phone-wrong move with him) and he told her that he has a million reasons why it says that but he cannot tell her right now and told her he had to get off of his cell phone, his battery was dying. (LMAO)

Then he called back WHILE we were on the phone and asked her was she gonna stay with him or leave, and she said (in a very timid voice as she described to me) that she was leaving him. He said O.K. and hung up the phone. She then had the ordacity to ask me for advice and told me that she really wants to stop seeing him but it's "hard for her." I blasted her (calmly) and told her, it's hard for me to sit on this phone with you and even discuss your relationship with MY husband...amongst other things that I said.

He has only called twice in the last 3-4 days and I still reject his calls. However he left a msg asking my son to call him, and I did allow him to, then he called today and I let my son answer the phone (my son's b-day is 2morrow). He does not ever call this much, but I am happier knowing that he was NOT with her when he was trying to get through to me, so it wasn't about telling me in front of her, I guess he just wanted to tell me to stay out of his life. However, if I'm NOT calling him or bothering him at all-what would he get out of that.

Sorry my post is so long, I just had to get it all out..

This is going to have to be a very quick post, I have had such a LOOONG day. Just to update anyone who is following my story, my H was arrested today. I have no real information as of yet, but I will hope to have more soon.

Hey there! Just a thought, but why not give OW better proof than the Western Union receipt...something that WH cannot make an excuse or give justifications about? Mail her a copy of your marriage license!!!

Waiting for details re: WH's arrest.....

Are you okay?

Brit's Brat/BS-41
FWH-43
DS-14 months
Status: One Day At A Time

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by luvhazeleyes:
<strong>This is going to have to be a very quick post, I have had such a LOOONG day. Just to update anyone who is following my story, my H was arrested today. I have no real information as of yet, but I will hope to have more soon.</strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Luv,

R U OK? Is he ok??

L.

Dear Hazel:

Your situation sounds familiar. I would say leave them alone. I made the mistake of talking to OW and it was a big mistake. They are cunning and out for themselves. They may put on the face of friendship and stab you. Let them burn out. Let him remember the best of you. If he never comes around then you will know you married a blind fool.lol Take care. wu