How did it (holidays) go with your mother????

Pep <img border="0" title="" alt="[Cool]" src="images/icons/cool.gif" />

Hi, Sorry...I just saw this.

Well, I didn't see my mother (yet)...I am going there tomorrow morning and will come back on Saturday afternoon.

At Christmas I offered again for her to come here. My sister and I both told her that we would meet half way (she lives 3 hours away). She said "no, it was too many trips" etc. All kinds of excuses, probably only one reason. Probably she just really didn't want to come. We called her on Christmas Day. She went to my sister's house for the day which is 30 minutes away from her house. I had already sent her gift back with my sister.

My sister had been here in town overnight for a bridal shower maybe two weekends before Christmas. She had the opportunity and ride to come visit me then and said it was to much of a flying trip.

All in all it was ok I suppose. She seemed to be in a good mood when I talked to her on Christmas Day. The thing that has always bothered me is that she can always "seem" that way, but then later my sister will tell me something that she said that indicates she is unhappy with me. I have actually felt nothing was ever good enough. Example...I didn't go on "the DAY" she wanted me to. Now, tomorrow we are going for overnight but it is not "LONG ENOUGH". She mentioned several times that we should just stay until Sunday.

My whole issue with all of this has to do with her never being happy with me. Also, honesty and how she talks "to me" and then "about me" behind my back.

I have made the decision that I don't want to hear what my sister may have to tell me that she says about me....but, if she does tell me anything, I am going to just let it go.

Whew...I didn't mean to get so long winded. But, I AM gearing up mentally for my trip to visit tomorrow. It is emotionally exhausting after two days listening to her being negative.

I am going to try and put into effect my "attitude of gratitude" that you have inspired me to develop.

Thanks for your interest! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" /> That is awfully sweet of you!

Susan .... you're really <img border="0" title="" alt="[Cool]" src="images/icons/cool.gif" />

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">you're really
</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Really what???? <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

kewl

Not sure about that... <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" /> but, thanks for the compliment.

I am home and ughhhh am I exhausted. My husband and I talked about it on the way home. My mother is just miserable. My husband thinks that she is depressed, but denies it.

He could be right. It just seemed that she is not content about anything. I used to believe that I could bust my butt and do everything in my power and help her get satisfied or "fix" some things.

It has taken me 47 years to realize that I am spinning my wheels and it isn't going to happen because even if I am able to get some things accomplished, it will just be something else.

After listening to her for so long, today my husband just stood up and asked if I was about ready to head home. He turned off the radio on the way home and said he had listened about all he could (her)....and he just needed some quiet.

I agreed...sad... <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" />

May I respectfully suggest you cannot fix nor change your mother. You can, however, accept her "as is" .... a sad and flawed woman who has had hardships in life and very little joy. Indluge her company in small doses. Which is why, I thought, sending frequent cards might work in your best interest. A less stressful relationship, less guilt laden.

If you are emotionally fused with your mother ... you'll get mired in the wrongful thinking that if she is miserable then you should not be happy.

Be happy. Be a separate individual. Allow her the respect to be as miserable as he choses to be. Immunize yourself emotionally against her un-happy-virus.

Love and kisses****

Pep

Thanks Pepper. You are so right and that is what I am doing. Although, I do start to experience guilt if I don't go visit often enough.

My dad died 2 1/2 years ago. She was talking today and saying that she did not like making all the decisions. Didn't like not having him to talk things over with...etc... You could tell she was miserable...etc.

I said to her "but isn't it a blessing that you have such a good mind and you CAN make the decisions?" I'm not sure she really appreciated the comment. She just said yes, but then started talking about how her hip hurts... <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" />

I try to be cheerful and up and I think of your "pointers" while I am there. Thank you for the suggestions.
<img border="0" title="" alt="[Razz]" src="images/icons/tongue.gif" />

Or .... you could get "high" with her!!! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Razz]" src="images/icons/tongue.gif" />

(yeah, right, I got a picture of that happening) <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" />

I am getting better though....

She was not pleased that we only spent one night. She mentioned it several different times..etc. Then late last night she said she was hoping that we would stay two nights because she was wanting me to go with her to a nearby town and help her look for two new chairs.

(That is another story...she wants two new chairs. A situation where she really doesn't need them, but that is also her business, not mine..if she WANTS two new chairs, she can BUY two new chairs. I think she just is looking for something or to buy "things" that will make her happy or less miserable.

Anyway, I thought fast and said well, let's get up early and we will go in the morning BEFORE we go home. THEN, she really didn't want to go. I knew that it was just an excuse. We were keeping her from doing what she wanted to do because of OUR plans.

I mentioned to my husband on the way home that it scared me so much to watch her like that. Listening to her I am always so afraid that I am like that...or will become like that. I told him that I was afraid that I would drive people nuts and have no idea that I was doing that.

He laughed and said "well, you are not like that. At least you don't drive me nuts." <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> That was nice to hear anyway. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Or .... you could get "high" with her!!!

(yeah, right, I got a picture of that happening) </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Huh????

please describe that picture you just got. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" />

I'm just being silly .... I imagined you and your 70-year-old mother smoking a little dope together and munching out on potato chips and gin-fizzes. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Razz]" src="images/icons/tongue.gif" />

now THAT would be unbelievable... <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" />

If you could only imagine how "straight laced" she is!!!! I didn't even TRY alcohol until I was married because I KNEW that she would know and disown me forever. Never had sex before marriage. I was a very compliant child. She waited up on me every single night, right up until the night before the wedding. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Razz]" src="images/icons/tongue.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Razz]" src="images/icons/tongue.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Razz]" src="images/icons/tongue.gif" />

Her love is not unconditional....I've never tried it, but just the thought or mention of me smoking dope would solve all of my problems with her... <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />