Well H picked me up from work at 12:30 we stopped off at the store on the way back to the house and picked up a few things. Everything seemed very normal like nothing was wrong, funny how we both just stepped into normal action like we were still together. Everytime we see each other on the rare occations due to him living in another state, we alway's resume the normal routine. Is that crazy or what?

Today's discussion was about how to split our Tax Refund when we file this year. He said he only want's his share 35% which is fair. Otherwise we talked about normal everyday things, like when we were still under the same roof.

My YS is going for his weekend visit this weekend so I packed his bag and H rounded up the other stuff (PS2 and games that YS likes). He stayed for a little over 90 minutes, then had to go as the snow was already starting.

I offered to help H with taking the bags to the car, he said no and "Thanks for the chat" and he hugged me good-bye. I was not expecting a hug, but hugged him back good and tight, told him to be careful on his way home and be good.

As a BS do any of you get this same treatment by your WS? Most of you may think I'm a door mat right now, but deep down inside I want my WS to feel safe with me. We did not discuss divorce at all, just talked like old friends.

A part of me wonder's is my H cheating on OW with me? These are some of the things that has happened just lately what do you think?

Got a Merry Christmas email at 7:15 a.m. Christmas morning, right after he woke up.

Exchanged Christmas presents, I got him a bonsai plant that he loves. He has alway's wanted one, wouldn't OW wonder where that comes from?

H drove kid's and myself to Airport before his work shift started (got my first hug since d-day also)

Was online all night Tuesday night monitoring our flight home. Then talked to me for 35 minutes New Years Eve night to see how trip was.

I have a feeling that the D might run it's course on it's own, H would have to stop it. But why all of a sudden all this contact on his part? He never mentions OW, but he did complain about his Apt today (too small, landlord a jerk, things missing or broke). I didn't say anything, but he did leave a large house that is now mine and the kid's. Funny how he just made himself at home today. Oh well, I'm in a good mood at least.

Usavings

Bump

Any thoughts is WH starting to be friendly a sign of testing waters to start a friendship again? Or am I still a doormat?

I think it is a great sign, keep up the plan A. My h is finally over the A's as far as I know... and now we are in counseling, and it seems like we just have to start over here- I mean in rebuilding a lost relationship.

Hugs, H

Honey,

Thanks for the reply. Just when I was ready to give up he started to come around. He started coming around when I implemented a modified plan B. I'm trying to not be too hopeful to protect myself from being crushed again. Funny thing is, most of the contact is initated by him, not me. I will continue to Plan A for now and see what will happen.

usavings --

Well, none of us, including you, were certain of the outcome of the visit, but I would say that you are perfectly within your rights to be in a good mood about it. Sounds like a very productive time together. "We...just talked like old friends" is exactly the right place to be in this and a sound way to start to rebuild your relationship. Falling into your normal routine and behavior with each other is a good and comfortable thing for both of you.

I know you're concerned that the D will have a life of its own and just move forward unless he stops it. I believe that more of this rebuilding needs to happen first before any talk about the D being slowed or halted. One would hope that he will come to that conclusion without prompting; it certainly sounds as if he's having some second thoughts. With him initiating most of the contact, and those contacts being positive, I'd say you're on an upswing.

I think you're on safe ground to feel encouraged. We all know the folly of extending too much of ourselves into these sorts of situations only to have them not pan out, so be cautiously prudent here (but I know you will be anyhow). You are wise to "want my WS to feel safe with me." -- not doormat talk at all.

All in all, I'd say a step up the ladder for you and your marriage, maybe two. I wish you well and continued upward steps.

Ammon