Why didn't you during the gift opening make a statement that this was from both of us? While I was there, do you see why I am hurt. I didn't even know you got him anything. Why when boyfriend looked at you and said thankyou to you, all you said was your welcome. You said nothing to me, and you made it abundantly clear, that I knew nothing about it, didn't know you were bringing anything over for him, how do you think this makes me feel? If it has to be this way, then have him come over to your hovel and open the gift. I just fed the boyfriend, and I feed him a lot of times. I know, I am just to do the demenial things, and to heck with my feellings. That is all I can offer him. Yeah, you and 2nd daughter were talking quietly, and that is disrespectful. You know why I wish I was dead, cause you have no compassion towards feelings. I felt left out, not important, not important enough to be included in a christmas gift, that I can't afford.

I even made you a plate of wonderful food tonight. And not one thank you to me. You know tonight I fed 8 people. And I have to do this quite a bit. On one child suuport. Try to feed yourself, with dividing the childsupport by 5 and sometimes more. The kids have friends over, am I to say, sorry, there is only water in the faucet, and bring your own food. Whatever we are eating is not for you, I only get child support for one.

To heck with living here. You wanted that, you can have it, I will pack my things, and put in storage. Or store somewhere. Going to make calls and find out where. I will be out of here so fast, you won't know what to say. But I will be packing the things I need and that means the TV will go with me, my stereo, my dog, my bed, my furniture. If I have to I will hire a moving co. to come and take my stuff out of the house, and you can have it. Just you will have to buy me out, and then I can live with respect.

That is one thing the counselor told me Friday, no one gives me respect, no one in this house gives mom respect. Everyone expects me to do for them. It is about time I do for myself. And that is what I am going to do. To heck with the family, to heck with everything. I am going to do exactly what you did, concentrate on myself, and to h*ll with everyone else.

Also, you call me this morning to talk to your mom about the loss of a precious pet she had to put to sleep that had cancer! I am to do your condolences, I am to have your mother cry on my shoudler, I am to do all of this, what about you, her son, taking care of her feelings, and pain. See wayward spouse, more of me giving, giving, giving, giving, when do I ever get to take care of myself. I go to physical therapy only for one purpose, to get rid of this pain. Do you realize how much I cried in pain Friday, when Jenny was working on me. You don't even know do you? She had me breathing like I was in labor, and said we are going to work through the pain. It hurt like h*ll and you don't even know, and you can't even come and see how I am today, how my arm is so sore, and painful. Don't even ask, just what you are into. Which I offered to watch the phones so you could lay down and take a nap. Just turn the phones off at your place. See how it is, giving, giving, giving, and get kicked in the A**. Yes, I am upset, crying, and just wanting out of this life. I mean so little to anyone here, it is made well aware. Today I couldn't even get the kids to do cleanup. Our oldest son been tyring whole vacation to do his room. I QUIT, to h*ll with everyone. Second daughter more of the same crap, she did her room and that is all. Didn't do any chores, and we talked about the bathroom. Well, with the dirty paper towels that I did the toilet and floor, she said it got that dirty in less than a day. I wasn't born yesterday. But it is her way of weaseling out of chores, wayward spouse you know what I mean. And she weaseled herself out of doing chores again today, casue her room is so important. I need to live by myself and take care of me. Let the animals die, you know as well as I, they won't survive without me after the kids to do the animals. The bird I give one week, and she will be dead. The cats will die, start poooping all over the house, cause the kitty litter won't get clean. The new rule is the kitty boxes to be clean every day. 2 cats, 2 kittens and we have 3 kitty boxes with covers. I don't want the house smelling like kitty box, and showed oldest daughter today, how to add baking soda, and new cat litter. She said there is a difference in the house not smelling. Her boyfriend complained about the apratment she had smelling like kitty litter, he wouldn't come over to her place any more. When I was there helping her pack, I know why, the kitty box was filthy.

The big boys, (2 big old dogs, 13 yrs old, brotheres and big 138# and 129#s). They need aspirin & glucosamine at night for arthritis. Son doesn't get the dogs out till after 12 noon. Didn't give them water, and complains. I have to give them their pills at night, to get rid of the pain, and unpleasantness. I make sure they have water, got them straw, and made fresh straw beds in their doghouses 2 weeks ago. They come in every night, and sleep on a nice cushiony bed of rugs, and softness. It is warm and clean for them. On the doghouses, Got some plexi-glass for the one dog house,which has 2 openiings and covered the one opening up with plexi-glass, so Comet can see out of the plexi-glass and still be quite warm. Nice dog house that SNL built, and made 2 openings for both dogs. One dog uses it. And the other dog has the igloo house, with straw and a blanket over the straw to lay on. These dogs are feeling their age, and Comets legs are bowing out. Don't see him lasting much longer, cause once he falls, it is going to be hard for him to get back up. I don't want him to suffer.

I talked to hsubands mother today, she is grieving for the loss of her cat Toot's. We found Toots in the woods, matted, and with diarrhea many many years ago.. She took him in and he has been a great companion for her. He has some manx in him. His mother is wonderful with animals, and treats them so special. She is hurting with pain today, and I called her three times today. She said she is okay. I will go over to her house after church tomorrow. I talked to her friend twice today, she lives about 1 hour away. She is coming over to spend the day with hsubands mom tomorrow. So I will stay with her for awhile, then her friend will be over. Just wanting to help her with the loss of her wonderful cat. I am so sorry that I didn't call her the last 2 days, just been so busy, and coping. See, more giving, more giving. When does the giving stop. Yes, I am crying, and life is no fun.