My wife is currently splitting her time between our house and her boyfriends. This started about a month ago and I found out last week. I have just started plan A and have a question. She called me this morning and feels bad because the kids get a little emotional when she leaves. She said since she can't let the kids come and see her where she's at she wants me to leave the house and go stay with a friend once or twice a week so she can be with them more. Do you think this is okay during plan A or is this being too nice?

Your wife is making a mockery of you and your marriage. Her request for you to leave the house two times a week so she can screw her boyfriends is too much. She is humiliating you and putting your health at great risk. No consequences to her actions equals no motivation to change. Do you think she really respects you that you allow her to sleep with other boyfriends without any consequences to her actions. I suggest you see a lawyer about your options before she totally destroys what is left of your self-esteem. I would not want my daughter to be raised by someone who has such a broken moral compass. You need to get into therapy to understand why you are willing to be so passive. It will only enable your wife to continue this behavior.

Do you think this is okay during plan A or is this being too nice?

Joking right? Please say this is a joke. B is right in that she is making a mockery of your M. Even if she is not "screwing her boyfriend" when you're gone, she has no right to ask this of you. How is your Plan A going? It might be time to think of Plan B.

MTD

<small>[ January 05, 2003, 01:52 PM: Message edited by: madly_truly_deeply ]</small>

thanks for the input. Actually I had the same reaction as you did, but I'm not very trusting of my own judgement right now so I wanted to make sure I was justified. I have been in plan A mode for less than a week, since I discovered this site. Most of the time it feels better to be nice than it does to be angry so it's okay. My wife goes back and forth too. Yesterday she was happy to see me and we got along very well. This morning she calls with this crap. One thing that's kind of enjoyable about this is how off balance I make her by being so nice.

Scott,

I've not posted to you before or read your story, but felt the need to post to you on this subject.

You don't leave your house ever for her to spend time with the kids, nor do you ever allow her to take the kids with her to boyfriends.

The consequence of her not living with her children is that she has limited time with them in your presence. Mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm why might this be? Oh yeah she is having an affair! The consequence of that action is not seeing her children when she wants, don't be to accomadating to her in this area.

How old are your kids? I would suggest a set visitation schedule and if she doesn't make it, that is her fault and her problem, not yours, although she will try and make it all yours by saying if only you would budge just a little on this, don't budge, the consequence of her not showing is she doesn't get to see the kids.

You need to go and read about plan A and plan B, remember that plan A is for you and about you and only you not your WS. Plan B is perhaps where you should be, to rattle her cage just a little bit, let her see what things are going to be like if she continues this affair, is it worth it to her? It is if you keep allowing her to walk all over you!!! Stop that!!

Just my 2 cents worth take them or leave them, I speak with experience in this area.

Dawn <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

Here's another NO! vote.

You are the BS...you did not ask for your wife to have an A...so why should you leave the comfort of your own home, and your children's companionship? At this time in your life, you need that comfort...you shouldn't be sleeping on your buddy's living room couch. If she chooses to leave, then she knows and must face the repercussions.