What do you do when OP breaks NC? My W's OM#2, with whom that particular A was over before D-Day has broken NC. About a week ago he came into the resteraunt with some family. He knew she worked there because his mother had come in there and talked to my W. She went out of her way to avoid him but he went out of his way to make himself seen. It passed without incident (as well as possible anyway). Then 2 days ago, a phone call comes in while my W is at work. The name does not appear on the caller ID, but the person asks for W, then hangs up when finds out she isn't here. A short while later, another call comes in and the name comes on the ID display this time. It is a woman's first name but the last name is OM#2's. Coincedince??? <img border="0" title="" alt="[Mad]" src="images/icons/mad.gif" /> Sure, and I've got Jimmie Hoffa stuffed in my closet with Elvis. My W and I area almost 4 mos into recovery and I am afraid this may set us back badly. I am also worried because I am also a MGR at this resteraunt and if he comes in there while I am there, well...you get the idea. So what to do? I'm at a loss save for going to his house and launching a pre-emptive strike <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> . Not very smart but would make me feel a whole lot better.

A few thoughts.

1. Change your home number

if its your business he is calling, you can say something about this being a place of business. NO PERSONAL CALLS

2. I think your W is doing the best she can to avoid him. Don't take this out on her.

3. Don't lose your cool over the OM. He is just being disrepectful and showing you his true colors that he couldn't hold a candle to you. You keep being a gentleman and just ignore him

Zoey

As long as both you and your wife are ignoring OM, and you have a united front, I think you are fine. If he gets no response from either of you, he will look like the fool.

Ditto what Stray Cat said :-)

Zoey

Straycat is correct! Since this is a place of business, there isn't much you can do about him coming in...but...you can choose how to react to it. Your W did the best she could...she ignored him.

You nor your W can control what this man chooses to do...don't allow his bad deeds to effect your recovery. Since I'm assuming most of this happened when you weren't there and your W was...she must have told you about this. That's GREAT!

One of the weirdest things, was when xOW was attemting to contact H and he was avoiding it as much as possible, wasn't always successful...the fact that he told me about it each time was the beginning of rebuilding my trust. So in effect...her bad deeds HELPED us in the end. Plus she ended up looking like the fool and a stalker.

IF...this man starts anything...call the police. This is a place of business...you're the manager...but make very sure that it is his foolishness...not yours. Don't allow him to put you in a position which could cause you legal issues. Let him be the one who is still at fault. jmho

I understand that "out of control" feeling that you get when the OP makes contact after NC. I had two to deal with. One was just an e-mail saying, you beat me to it.....I have immense anger towards you for ruining my life, etc. The other one is the telephone and that is bothering me ALOT! I have no control over her calling him and it's making me crazy. Reading your post, I see that I don't want to let it overtake me like the A's did, so my advice to you is keep creating a stronger bond with your W. Together, you can make it through this.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> As long as both you and your wife are ignoring OM, and you have a united front, I think you are fine. </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Have you discussed the situation w/ your W and formulated a plan or come to a consensus. I think it is crucial to keep up the plan A and show her that there is no reason to even think about the OM.

Thanks all for answering. I know what to, *sigh* it just stinks sometimes always having to be the "bigger man". He already looks like a fool. I can't even call him an OM really, it's more like OB (other boy) as he's not even old enough to buy beer.

I think it is crucial to keep up the plan A and show her that there is no reason to even think about the OM.

Doing just that. She has no feelings about OM's now except regret, disgust and a lot of guilt. That is the hardes part is the way she feels when things like this happen. I'm afraid she may slip into another depression.

By the way Luki, how are you doing? <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

MTD

mtd,

Sounds like you have a good handle on the situation. How am I doing....

NEED ADVICE!! WW is trying to plan B me.