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Joined: Oct 2002
Posts: 559
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Joined: Oct 2002
Posts: 559 |
Was wondering if anyone knows anything about these types of affairs. My FWH speaks about a part of himself separating off from who he is...Just trying to put together some left over pieces....
Thanks in advance.
AG
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Joined: Aug 2002
Posts: 1,261
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Joined: Aug 2002
Posts: 1,261 |
A GRACE,
This might be what is known as compartmentalizing. Often times the WS rationalizes their behavior this way. In their minds they sepparate the life with the OP and the life with their family.
If the two circumstances were to be merged, then the guilt would win out and the WS would have to face the "truth" about the A. I think that this actually happens when they (WE) finally come out of the FOG.
Our moral code kicks on, and we are finally able to see the damage all around us.
I hope this answered your question.
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Joined: Sep 2002
Posts: 1,584
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Joined: Sep 2002
Posts: 1,584 |
As mentioned on another current thread, there's an affair situation which can occur, where the man leads a divided 'double' live, splitting himself between his marriage and his extra-marital activities as if he were two different men. Even if all ENs were met, this man would still cheat.
The chapter 'Double Life Man' in the book 'The State of Affairs' by Todd Mulliken explains this well.
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Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 852
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Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 852 |
I have read several books by Emily Brown that describe the split-self type of affair in detail. There are some famous men who have lived like this- Johnnie Cochran for one- the lawyer in the Simpson trial. His ex-wife Barbara Cochran Berry described how he had a whole secret 'family life' she didn't know about while he was still married to her. She wrote a book about it called "Life after Johnnie Cochran." For years she had no idea he had kids and and OW just miles from their house! Charles Kuralt the travelling reporter was another one! His wife didn't know about his 'other life' until after he died and she found out he left his property to the other woman! There is alot to read about this if you look around! Take care= liefismessy
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Joined: Sep 2000
Posts: 10,060
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Joined: Sep 2000
Posts: 10,060 |
Yep - know it well.
It's when the aliens on the Mothership not only scramble the brains, but they forget to put some back, too. Talk about "left over pieces"!!!!
NOT limited to just men, BTW.
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Joined: Oct 2002
Posts: 559
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Joined: Oct 2002
Posts: 559 |
What do you mean, WAT, "put some back"?
I do have a vague idea what it is about, I guess I wonder who is the true self. The one that is M or the one that had the A.
Sorry I don't have much time here to expand on what everyone responded...will try to pop in.
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Joined: Sep 2000
Posts: 10,060
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Joined: Sep 2000
Posts: 10,060 |
Nevermind. Sorry.
I understand your desire to understand what's going on in his head. We'd all like to know this stuff. But our (BS) actions would be no different.
I was attempting to distract you from trying to dwell on something that really doesn't matter, IMHO. Sorry it didn't work.
WAT
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Joined: Nov 2002
Posts: 330
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Posts: 330 |
WAT, I usually don't post here, I'm on D/DV most nights, but I read this thread and your "Guideline for BS" link.
THANK YOU!! It was great and always, in some strange way, helps to see the very common thread that weaves it's way in all our lives when an A is involved.
I doubt that my H's brain will ever be unscrambled, but my prayer is that God will show me what He intends for my life now, and perhaps someday, my lost H will wake up. Silly, but I can dream....
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Joined: Feb 2002
Posts: 684
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Joined: Feb 2002
Posts: 684 |
Hi
My h has actually started to use his second name with his OW and his 'new' life away from the family. I still call him by the name I have always known him as - as do his parents but as far as I can gather with everyone else he is this 'other' person. He started this with his first A butnow this alter ego seems to have taken over fully except for th 6 hys a week he spends with our children and the times when we meet with his family. It was interesting to see how uncomfortable he was when the 2 lives 'collided' when he brought his OW to my house!!!!
Jante
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Joined: Nov 2002
Posts: 920
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On another post which I am trying to find, someone recommended this site. It's very good and examines the types of A's. http://www.metasystemscenter.org/articles.htm Just copy and paste, go there, Even my H is reading it which is a miracle. And identifys himself. God bless, LouLou
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