I am debating whether or not I should start taking some anti-D, and am wondering if that's the right way to go.

Here is my background. Our D-Day was 14 months ago. (and multiple D-days after that). NC has not been completely established as far as I can see -- i.e., my WS does not contact OW, but she still does despite the fact that WS told her not to call him, etc. I also gave a birth to our D 9 months ago. I have been seeing an IC since 02/02, and also went to see a Psychiatrist back in 05/02, diagnosed with a "moderate" depression, but at that time, my doctor adviced against taking the meds given the facts;
1. I was still breastfeeding
2. My H has a substance abuse problem, and by me taking the meds, he thought it may prevent me from making the right decision --i.e., leaving him.
We've started MC about 3 months ago, and my H started to address his addiction issues recently.
Although it looks like it would be a life-long journey. We still love each other, and we both want to save our M. He has been trying his best although his approach is not always effective.

My IC basically comes from the place, that no matter how much he wants M, he is not healthy, therefore, cannot have any relationship. I tend to disagree because I 've started to see some real changes in him. My problem at this point is that I keep on going back to the thoughts of A and get depressed, keep on doing major LB, and personally do not feel like helping his/our recoveries in anyways. I know lots of people here took anti-D to cope with the pain, by doing so, do you think I would be negating a real problem ??

<img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> Hi!
I only have a minute here...but I have to say that I did like you, went to counseling etc. It was helping but I still had the depression that gave me such a negative outlook. It was a low level depression but constant in that I could rarely feel happy and then when negative thoughts came around (and there were plenty after the A) I could really crash. What the anti-dep med did for me was to level out the moods and help me to be more even and to think more rationally. There are some good meds out there that don't have the bad side effects with them. I was not wanting to do it but I am glad I did. BUT, I am past the breast feeding part of my life so that will make your decision a little more involved.
We have also been through the addiction thing...difficult at best. Keep your chin up! I may be leaving in a little bit but I will keep checking on you when I'm around....
hopefully someone else will be here too.

Survivor,

Thank you for your quick feedback. I have already weaned by D, so the breastfeeding will not be an issue any more. It is just that I am very fearful of taking an anti-D. During the course of my H's A, he got addicted to anti-anxiety medicine (Xanax, etc.) He was trying to kill his emotional pains by self-medicating with those meds, and had an awful time getting clean from them. It seems like many doctors do not really advice you as to the potential danger of those medicine too much. I just wonder how long does people stay on anti-D if the dipression was caused by something like A, but not because of brain chemical imbalances like something have ?

Bullheaded! I took Anti-D's and am now on a anxiety med. I believe there are some that would be safe for a breastfeeding mom also. Ask your doctor. And Maybe you need to try different counselor also. Sometimes it takes trying different ones to find a good one. I went through about 5 but found a good one.
I think the antidepressants help give you a chance to think more rationally. The ups and downs of thinking on the A can be torture in itself and keeps us on an emotional roller coaster.
The counselors advice to just give up on your H is not right in my opinion. Especially if you are seeing your H make strides and willing to better himself. You know who your H was and is capable of being. Just as I know my H was not always a jerk, he used to be wonderful. After going though is own turmoil, he made mistakes. Bad ones. But I'm seeing changes as well, so the good person is still in there!
I did major LBing due to the thoughts about the A. There comes a time when we have to stop and not bring up the past issues that have already stolen so much from us. As to this OW continueing to make contact, that's an easy one. H can just hang up everytime until she gets the message, or you can put call block on your phone and only accept the calls you want. Caller id!
Talk to more than one doctor,especially your Pediatrician and primary care doctor.There are some excellent meds today that can be safely taken. Moderate depression can spiral way out of control into deep depression and you don't want that.
And pray hard, because there is power in prayer. Carrying so much bitterness, anger and hurt can effect all our health in more ways than one. I've experienced some major health issues due to it and you need to read up on what depression can do to a person. It's far more than just a mental effect. It becomes physical also. Depression can be clinical or situational. Yours no doubt is situational. Same as mine was.
I definitely wouldn't go back to where I was. Get the help and accept it only after talking with a doctor that you trust totally. One can't make rational decisions when your mood swings are so radical.
Your H sounds like he is making the efforts to help himself also. He deserves the support to get rid of his addictions. Its' like any other illness. Would we just give up on a Spouse because they had cancer,heart disease, diabetes? NO! He has an illness and there is help for it. God bless you for not allowing this counselor to just shove you the wrong way! Just because they have a degree behind their name, doesn't make them God! To give you an example, one woman counselor suggested on my first visit to her that I go out and cheat on my H and just party down.
She propped herself up on the couch, feet up as though she was going to take a nap. LOL didn't take me 5 mins to get out of her office.
They're human and have failings just as all do. And their mind set may not be in alignment with what is right at all!
I hope this helps you with your decision to try meds. God bless, LouLou

BullHeaded,
I've had the same questions, well without the breast feeding part of course. I am very early on in this process, but have had mild depression for approx 2 yrs. I've had 2 IC's recommend anti-d, but our MC did not.

I'm not one to take meds at all. And, the fact that the 2 IC that recommended were from the VA doesn't help any! The last IC recommended not only for the depression, but she said I NEEDED them for the side effects, I have sexual issues.

I have lost 15 lbs in the past month, I have huge bags under my eyes from lack of sleep and not eating much. My clothes are hanging off me, and I feel weak sometimes. But I think that's all normal, it will come back, right?

So, I'm stumped, I don't know what I will do. Wife recommends them, but I think she's the one who needs them. Afterall, at least I get out of bed....

Thank you , LouLou for your kind advice. I think I will try taking them. Since I am going to do so with the clear purpose and choice on my part, I do not think I should be afraid of getting addicted. And I guess, I can always stop taking them (with a doctors supervision) if I do not like them or see any differences. I just would not want to be taking them forever. I think once you start taking them in a long-term, your body's natural chemical will start to change. And I am not too sure if I want that to heppen....

TM, I am sorry to hear your suffering. You really should not have to live your life losing all that weight and sleep. I guess counselors could give you different recommendations, but ultimately, we have to make our own decisions. I tend to feel that many people here, juding from what I've been reading, benefitted from anti-D more than hurting from it. Did anyone here have experience any negative from anti-D ??

Bullheaded,

I started taking Paxil and it has helped me very much. When OCT. came and all of a sudden he doesn't know he wants to be married anymore after 23 years it hit hard.

About two weeks ago I started taking these and I see a big difference in myself. Getting out of bed being able to sleep. Thinking far more clearly and knowing this is not a long term situation. For a short time my Dr. gave me a few Xanax now that is something one could get addicted too. It numbs me.
There are so many Anti-D your Dr. can find the right one for you and since this is situational it would be only a short time. Be kind to yourself and realize the fog can lift.
Ariana

Bullheaded, and all who are concerned about Anti'D's. There are non addictive ones and very helpful ones today!
The one I would not ever take again is prozac! That may help some, but made me worse and very irrational effects. Zoloft, Paxil, Effexor were good ones, but the best for me was Effexor XR, a time released one. However, I was deeply depressed so one of the first ones I mentioned may be better for those in moderate or light depression.
Just be sure you discuss with your doctor your concern over addictive ones.
The ones besides Prozac, I was told are not addictive, but must be worked off of with doctors supervision when the time comes. So you don't have setbacks or go off too soon, By working off, the doctor can monitor your progress. The anxiety med I'm now on is Celexa with no bad side effects and i've even cut that in half.
So still fears about addictions. They are careful to not prescribe addictive ones for most.
You can read up on most at Webmd.com. If you know the name of some, go read up. That will help relieve your fears sometimes.
Someone on a thread in here ask why pain causes depression. Actually, depression can cause pain!
Actual physical pain. So get a good checkup while you're at it and then get some Anti'd's to help. God bless, LouLou

I survived the pain of the A for about a year with no meds but as soon as I saw that there was no chance of change and I had to prepare to leave my home and cats and neighborhood, I crashed. Could not sleep, lost the ability to concentrate and worried excessively. I read up on Celexa which was recommended by a friend. It was exactly what I needed to get me to the place of making decisions and making healthy choices. I started with 10mg daily and after a week, I started to sleep regularly. Then my insurance would only pay for a higher dose, so I took 20mg daily. After I decided to move and when I was in my apartment for a week, I decreased the 20mg to every other day and in a week, I was off of them with no craving for more, no addiction, or no side effects. I was under the care of my doctor and he was aware of all.

I think the key is that you are not relying on the meds to make things right but you are using the meds to help bring healing and healthy choices. Moving forward is important cause Limboland is sick!!!!! Just like anti-inflammatories aid the healing of a sprained ankle, so can antiDs help the healing of a broken heart. You will still cry on meds, feel happy, feel sad but the worry and anxiety decreases.

I was married to an alcohol abuser and it is impossible for an addict to have a successful M but many people have recovered from addictions and it is a slow, hard process. Don't ever forget what that counselor says cause if your M doesn't work, don't blame yourself endlessly. Addicted people are so incapable of loving. It is like something is missing and they can't find the missing piece to make it work.

I pray that you will heal.

TW

Thank you everyone, for your feedback.
I had a session with my IC, and she confirmed that I am depressed moderately to severely. Now when I started seeing her about a year ago, I was mild to moderate, so it's gotten worse. I already have an appointment with a Pyschiatrist recommended by her.

It is very true --- it looks like my H wants this M, but it looks like he is almost incapable of having any kind of true, loving relationship. It is becoming clear and clear to me that the only chance he/we have is if he gets cleaned from his addiction completely. Hopefully, with the anti-D, I will be able to make a right decision and move on with or without him. I remember there was another theread here by someone else about addictions. A must be one of the common thing amongst people who has a tendency to abuse substances. It's another form of escape and it is addictive for sure....