ive been married for almost 8yrs now we've been 2gether for almost 16yrs.during those times i 've only been faithful here and there. it's gone from one person to another. the lastest happens to have lasted 1 1/2 yrs. I held on to the other woman for selfish reason knowing i'd never want to start over with her. during the 2 yrs. i've been caught w/her 3x's. this last time was the one thats breaking the camel's back. we've been arguing off and on about this since august. i thought i told her ever thing she had to know but she wants details in order to move forward. i've tried that to. she has a gut feeling i'm still seeing the other woman. the trust is not down to zero its sitting at a frosty 30 below. our lastest conversation was discuss a few nights ago and she told me in order for her to stay in this marriage it has become zero tolerence. history is not on my side. shes still very angry like she regrets she even giving me that much opprotunity.
i don't think me and her will be close for a while in fear that she might let her guard down or i might let her down.sometimes it feels better not to speak at all. i've made a complete mockery out of our marriage cousling that we've been attending for the last 1 1/2 yrs.

Hi wi****wastomorrow,

This place is pretty slow on the weekends but don't let that discourage you. There is plenty to read in the info pages that will help you get started until the discussion boards pick up again on Monday.

Just go to the main page, take the tour of this site, and then click the infidelity lnks.

I wish I could help you more than this right now, but I wanted you to know that someone heard you.

Happy reading and take care

Look what the "censor" did when I typed your name! How funny is that?!?!?!?!? I guess it's time for bed.

Hi Wiwt,

It will take a long time for the trust to come back and yes, yer guard it up. She is afraid of trusting you and being hurt again. You will have to have total honesty with her, and be accountable for you time away. Yes, she needs details, I know you don't understand, but it is very important in the recovery process to move forward.

I also suggest you get counseling. Why were you unfaithful so many times? Are there other issues that need to be resolved.

I suggest MC for both of you.

Take care

well i came totally clean and my wife said to late i'm filing for divorce. what now?

Filing for divorce and being divorced are two separate things.

IF...you want to still save your marriage...then start working towards that goal. Do a GREAT plan A and work on being a better, healthier person. You've created a mess, now it's time to clean it up.

I don't know if your marriage can be saved or even if it should be saved...but whatever happens...you began working on YOU! You've got a lot of issues to work through as to why you've choosen the path you've choosen so often throughout your marriage. If you don't discover the "why" for yourself, then you'll only continue down that same path with whoever you happen to be in a relationship/marriage.

If I understand correctly...you've finally told the truth. No matter what happens now...that is the only chance you have to save your marriage. Hopefully as you began to improve yourself, your spouse will notice and she may then be willing to wait and see if the changes are for real...if real...she may want to give you another chance.

IF...you're only changing on the surface and it's not what you really want for yourself...then let your W go to find someone who she can care for and who will care for her.

Good Luck!

i do want to change.i need to do this for myself because i dont like who i am and what ive become. i hurt and destroyed the person i love so much. im so sorry. im depriving the kids of what a normal family should be.