Well, I know that many have said that forgiveness is just something that you do not something that you feel, but for me it was a feeling. It was like a heavy burden that I could feel, a constriction around my heart. I was not forgiving her out of resentment and anger, but it was hurting me more than her. It had been on my mind for a while, but I never spoke the words to her. Then Saturday, after we had this wonderful lunch date together, we went back to the car, I stopped her from buckling-up, I put down my glasses, and I told her that I couldn’t go on any longer unless I told her something (I’m sure that flashed an apprehensive reaction inside of her for a moment). I then spoke these words to her as I cried:

“Debra, I think I have finally reached the point where I can forgive you. I have been praying everyday and it has been a burden in my heart to forgive you, but I’ve been holding back. Well, I can’t hold back any longer because I know that not forgiving you is holding me back from being the person I want to be, and it’s holding us back as well. I knew that just recognizing the feeling within me wasn’t enough, I knew that I had to speak it you as well. Even though what you did still hurts me sometimes, I forgive you and I love you.”

Well let me tell you just how cleansing this was for me. I felt as though I had dispelled the dark clouds that were around me, and my heart felt like it had burst open and grew three times bigger. Now I know two things from this experience:

1) Forgiveness really is more for the benefit of the offended party than for the offender.
2) Now I understand what people mean when they say they feel burdened in their in heart to act upon a situation when they are praying for guidance.

I told her that we still have things that we need to work on, that this isn’t the “be all/end all” of our relationship, but at least now I have removed this one piece (a big blocking piece) from the table and we can move forward.
I feel so alive now. I still don’t know what the future holds for me, or for us, (who knows with certainty what life has in store for all of us anyway?), but I feel so free to live and experience what life has to offer, I am not afraid of what lies ahead.

Sorry I’ve been gone so long. I’ll keep you posted as things progress in my life. I’ll never forget all the great people here at MB that have given me such wonderful advice over the last 10 months. I wouldn’t have been able to persevere as well as I was able to without your great support. Thanks again and God Bless.

<small>[ January 13, 2003, 09:30 AM: Message edited by: Blind Sided ]</small>

That was beautiful Blind Sided. I can only pray my DH would offer forgiveness to me wether or not we reconcilled. I think that you are right, it is a feeling and very releasing to forgive. Don't get so frustrated in the hard times ahead that you forget you offered her forgiveness and work on moving FORWARD in your marriage.

Patty

Blind:

Very cool!

-Qfwfq

Blind Sided - yes, forgivenss is the one ingredient that sets the couple to experience each other without all the garbage in the way. My WH I asked again tonight, to do the one thing for forgiveness. He said why, why should he lower himself to do what I wanted. I only stated this to see if he really is wanting to help me forgive him. I have forgiven him for a lot. I rarely bring up anything ridiculing about the past. I will bring up the past to make a point, but not in a critical fashion. He knows he did wrong, he knows he had sex with the other woman, he knows he committed adultery. No need to repeat all that to him.

I pray for him to become the man I married. I pray for him to feel closer to me. Tonight, once again he expressed his not wanting to take care of me the rrest of his life. Which we have been married for 25 years. But we will see Friday. I made a vow, and I will stick to my married vows. I will treat him with respect, and I said thankyou tonight for fixing the TV stand. He did this on his own, and I really appreciate it.

I gave him food to take to eat. Knowing he eats TV dinners. We had orange chicken, and he took the rest of the bean homemade soup. He took some bread. This was alright, I asked and he said he would. So he deserves this.

I was going to ask if he wanted me to fix his clothes for him. But I am going to wait till after Friday. To see if we are speaking, or if he is so mad and irrational.

I am forgivning him more and more every day. I am forgivning him for being a liar. I am forgiving him for acting out in anger. He is a good man, and he deserves to be treated with respect. Which I feel I am getting better and better every day. I still love my husband, but I know he does not love me. He has shown tonight, that he just wants me out of his life, and he wants to go on his own. So that is what he will get. This is a sin, but I can't change him, and only God will change him.

You are doing great, your wife was probably pretty surprised by your actions. And I am so proud of you. I will pray for you tonight.

The one thing, is prayer is a powerful tool. I have seeen many things happen to others that have prayed. I am praying for my husband to come back. God only knows the answer, and I will leave it up to him. Thank you Lord for your service of being there for us to pray to. There are many of us hurting, and expressing our desire to be better people, and to be your children. Pray for Blind Sided in his forgiving his wife, and help him feel comfortable every day in your decision. He is a loving man with compassion. Pray for my husband for finding you back into his Heart. I pray for everyone here that is hurting and needing comfort. In your Holy Name. Amen.

Forgiveness is a gift from BS to WS. It make you closer to HIS image .... I still can't do that I am only human <img border="0" title="" alt="[Mad]" src="images/icons/mad.gif" /> . God Bless you. -rh-

Thank you all for your kind words. Believe me, it has been an arduous personal journey within myself to come to this point. It took 10 long months for me to forgive and to know that I felt it sincerely in my heart. It felt right. Since D-Day I have gone under both drastic and subtle changes, but the main overtone to all of the changes is that basically I reclaimed myself and who I am, and I find myself once again becoming who I once was before I married.

Thankfully, I refrained from doing anything that I would come to regret at this point in time. Even though I felt I would never, ever, forgive her, my philosophical and spiritual nature brought me around. I am currently ungoing a reawakening of Christ awareness within me. I pray daily for strength, wisdom, guidance, enlightenment and forgiveness.

Do you know when I really felt God's presence within me growing? When I stopped asking for things and I prayed only that He be part of my inner-most being and become central in my life once again. Nothing else mattered but to know Him and experience Him on a personal level. I figured everything else would fall into its proper place, by His Will, if I only asked for his Love and Grace and nothing else. I have been so moved lately that I cannot ignore the feelings and thoughts that I have.

Like I said before, I don't know where life will lead me, but I do know that I am looking forward to it and I am not afraid of what the future holds for me, with God as my guide.

God Bless.

Blind Sided&#8212;
I just wanted to say how happy I am for you and your wife. You have truly been blessed to have forgiveness in your heart. I wish you both the best of luck in your future.