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for those who have traveled this part of the road with me you know I have struggled greatly to get to this place. to have captured some manhood, to have accepted responsibility in my life and to emotionally mature. some 3 1/2 years ago i made the decision to end the relationship i had with my mother, I could never articualte what it was that made it a toxic relationship but after no communication for that entire time I got an e-mail this weekend. my sister has chosen to end her relationship with my mother as well and was the catalyst for this e-mail.. i replaced the names with the titles of people to protect the innocent... </font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">CRIME THE ACCUSED THE PROSECUTED THE JUDGE THE SENTENCED ALL FOR "MOTHERS NAME" CRIME: FOR BEING UNDERSTANDING AND FORGIVING OF THESE PEOPLE DECEASED STEP FATHER. LIVE IN BOYFRIEND, DESEASED MOTHER AND FATER, DECEASED GRANDMOTHER, BROTHER #1, BROTHER #2, EX HUSBAND, FATHER OF MY OLDER SISTER, FRED ???, ME(SON), DAUGHTER#2, DAUGHTER #1 AND MORE GOD HELP THIS WOMAN WHO COMMITED THESE HORRIFIC CRIMES IN THE NAME OF JESUS GOD HELP THIS WOMAN TO CONVEY THIS MESSAGE OF LOVE TO SAID JUDGES THAT HAVE SENTENCED HER BY ELIMINATING HER FROM ALL CONTACTS AND ANY COMMUNICATION AND GOD FORBID THAT SHE MAY HAVE TO FORGIVE AGAIN AND AGAIN AND AGAIN AND AGAIN AND AGAIN AND AGAIN AND AGAIN AND AGAIN AND MAYBE THE OLD SAYING FORGIVE AND BE FORGIVEN IS THE GODLY WAY. I CAN FORGIVE AGAIN AND AGAIN AND AGAIN AND WILL ALWAYS HAVE THE ABILITY TO LISTEN, UNDERSTAND AND FORGIVE. THROW THE HANDCUFFS, PUT ME TO DEATH IT'S OKAY I AM ALREADY WEARING THE HALO OF THORNS THAT YOU HAVE PUT ON ME. </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">finally, it hit me, I learned how to be a victim from my mother, she is 57 and still the victim... just reading her mail clicked my internal voice in to high gear chattering all kinds of negative crap its taken me 3 days to freaking clear my head thank god for the gym... i am responsible for my life my decisions and my SUCCESS! F U MOM!!!! so are you.
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Chaz -
My heart goes out to you. From someone that's been there, I can totally relate.
So what are you going to do about it? (And I'm not talking about the email.....)
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Chaz... The Mom Factor </font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">The MOM Factor She shaped you in ways that would surprise you both. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- No one has influenced the person you are today like your mother. The way she handled your needs as a child has shaped your worldview, your relationships, your marriage, your career, your self-image, and your life. How can you identify areas that need reshaping, make positive choices for personal change, and establish a balanced, mature relationship with mom Today? The MOM Factor steers you down a path of discovery and growth beyond the effects of six common mothering styles: The Phantom Mom The China Doll Mom The Controlling Mom The Trophy Mom The Still-the-Boss Mom The American Express Mom Drs. Cloud and Townsend show you how your mom affected you as a child and may still be affecting you today. You'll find a hopeful, realistic, and empowering approach to identifying your unmet mothering needs and filling them in healthy, life-changing ways through other people. This encouraging book doesn't just help you understand areas in your life that need change and strengthening, it helps you apply your discoveries to attain new freedom and joy in living, and a increased ability to give and receive love. The MOM Factor is a biblical, highly practical route to wholeness and growth, deeper and more satisfying bonds with your family, friends, and spouse. It give you a new, healthier way of relating to your mother today. </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I love Cloud & Townsend's books... might be a good Bible Study Group... Cali
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Why is it so easy for some to point the finger of blame in the direction of their parents? I have a brother who was the same way. Everything that was bad in his life, all his failures were the fault of my father. The way he was raised....BULLSH!T!. My brother went through years of counsiling. None of it did him any good. The reason it could not was that he was blaming the wrong people for his woes. Until he took responsibility for what was wrong in his life he would not heal. Until he quit blaming someone else for his lot in life. Chaz, I am glad you have found whatever it is you think you have found. </font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">i am responsible for my life my decisions and my SUCCESS! F U MOM!!!! so are you. </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">This is very disturbing to me. jd
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JD,
I just want to say that I do not BLAME my parents for the things that are wrong. I simply needed to understand what things happened along the way that molded me into who I am.
Sometimes, the only way to heal is to understand so that you can change a pattern or reaction that developed early in your life.
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hey JD... I agree w/ you... sorta... but sometimes you have to figure out where your STUFF comes from... then it is up to YOU to do something... See... we could figure it out... then sit back and be a victim too... ...or we can figure it out, forgive and CHANGE ourselves and the PATTERN... ...and often... anger is a first and healthy step... (we just can't sit and wallow there very long <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" /> )... Cali
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</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by jdmac1:
<strong>Why is it so easy for some to point the finger of blame in the direction of their parents?
This is very disturbing to me.
jd</strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">you see JD, I'm doing exactly what you would have wanted..
my mother is blaming all her woes on me my siblings and all those around her.. I have made the choice in life to own those resposibilites, to no longer continue to blame others.
it was through desperation that i ended the relationship with my mother. an un-named reason that I could never identify that made just talking to her a painful experiance.. I wasnt stong enough to do it then, i dont know that i am now..
i learned how to be a victim from her, just as sure as i learned how to speak and read. I went to college to fix the reading and writing, i went and am continuing counseling to fix the rest.
that i know what i learned and who i learned it from may be blame in your book, its enlightening for me to be able to with clearity finally Get why it was important for my emotional health to be AWAY from my mother.
my mother would love nothing more than company in her victimhood, ill have none of it.
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</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">F U MOM!!!! </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">This is what is disturbing to me chaz. You have your reasons for being able to post something like this. I won't debate it or say more than I have.
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</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by jdmac1: <strong> </font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">F U MOM!!!! </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">This is what is disturbing to me chaz. You have your reasons for being able to post something like this. I won't debate it or say more than I have.</strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">let me put it this way, the woman who had to stay married to the man who was molesting her children, and went so far as to suggest that she did'nt know if she could ever forgive them in defence of her decision. i currently bedding down with some White trash security guard who is thru his actions molesting her kids from afar. saying thinks like her daughter has been soiled by her relationship (10 years ago mind you) with a "Muslim [censored]" and that her current husband drinks his juice from her [censored] and she is defending him. not her kids, again, the molestor... so i stand by my words. <small>[ January 13, 2003, 04:08 PM: Message edited by: chazbutler ]</small>
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