Hi ferbie,
Haven't seen anything from you lately. Can we get an update on your situation? Has anything changed? Any encouraging news?

Thinking of you,
Almost

I posted around the 1st about my husband attending a counseling session and admitting he was confused and scared, etc. He told the counselor that there was nothing at all between him and the girl he'd been emailing and she and I believe him.

He's still coming around all the time. He spent the night here sleeping on an airbed a little over a week ago. He had his girls and they wanted to stay here.

I decided to ask him to catch a movie with me or go out to eat this past weekend since he always seemed to show up when he had his girls. He said, "He doubted that it would happen." We got into it on the phone and I started getting sick at work again. I feel so weak and have been on fragile ground. My counselor wants to put me in a hospital but I refuse because of my kids. Anyway, I went to his work and we talked quite a bit. He was adamant that he was not coming home, but then he would say something else that told me he cared and it was just that he's scared.

We agreed to meet on Saturday and talk. We had a four hour conversation and he really opened up to me about a lot of things. Remember this is our second marriage and we both have spouses and children from previous marriages to deal with. Makes it very complicated. Anyway, we connected. After we talked we lay on the floor and cuddled some and he ended up asking if he could come to my house and spend the evening with me and the kids. I went to bed at 10:30 and he started playing a computer game. He came to wake me up about 3:40 AM and told me he was leaving to go home.

Sunday, I left a note in his van saying that I didn't want to pressure him, but I wanted to let him know that if he wanted to talk anymore like we were able to do on Saturday, that my counseling appointment was Monday at 6 PM. He called me last night and we talked for 1/2 hour to 45 minutes or so. Just about whatever. He did tell me he got my note, but didn't say he would or would not be there.

I went to my counseling and he didn't show up, but I also know that the fire department got called out to a fire at 5:15 and since he is on the department, he may have responded and not got back in time to get to the appointment. The fact that we were finally able to open up and that he then called me because he was bored and wanted to talk said a lot to me.

I'm hanging tight. Trying my best to survive. I've been trying so hard, but I had stopped my meds and did a downhill spiral. I'm back on my meds and hoping to get a grip on my depression some more.

And that's about it!

Hang in there, girlfriend. Sounds like some progress is being made. I know he keeps SAYING he doesn't plan on coming home but his actions don't seem to say that. Take care of YOU ferbie. It sounds like this situation is really wearing you down and I'm sorry to hear that.

Thanks for the update and keep me posted. Yours is one of the few stories I really keep up with here. I'm sure hoping for a happy ending for you.

Don't know if you've read any of my story, it's been a while since I posted anything on it. I'm the one (BS) with the psycho XOW who refuses to go away. The A has been over for 14 months (H was 36 and OW 18 at time of the affair) and we've had to press charges against her 3 times in the last year for harrassment. She's failed to show up for court on two occasions and was arrested last week on charges we filed against her in December. She's been in jail for a week now due to the contempt charges. Another court date has been set for February 10th. My H and I (being the victims of the harrassment) are to be subpoenaed to appear as well. I'm really nervous about it all, just the idea of having to be in the same room with her and recount everything that's happened in the last year has got me feeling really anxious. Of course, it wouldn't surprise me if she fails to show for court again.

Almost

Ferbie,
Things sound good...the fact that you have had several good conversations sounds really nice and postive...
If I were you I would back off with you iniating any more relationship talks...but go with PLAN A full force...

He has said he's not sure, shown affection and asked to come over...good good good!!!

Now be upbeat, be fun ,be happy be positvie..show him the type of partner that you envision yourself being....

Let him bring up any relationship talk..no pressure from you....enjoy what time you have with him....
Luck to you and happy new year
ARK

ferbie,
haven't seen anything of you lately. How goes it?

Almost

<small>[ January 21, 2003, 07:46 PM: Message edited by: Almost There ]</small>

^^Bumpity, Bump!

Almost

Hello!! I'm still kicking around here. Let's see, the week after our four hour talk, I wrote H a letter telling him some of my feelings. He called me when he got the letter and we made plans for him to come over with his girls that Wednesday. Then he stated he was coming for the weekend too. They were here for the weekend. He packed clothes, etc. for all three of them. He slept on the couch, but we were intimate for the first time since he left in October. He thought it would be nice for all of us to go to a movie together and out to eat (his treat). We had a great weekend!!!! He's called me every night for the past couple weeks. If he's not stopping by, he calls me. Last Monday, I again offered for him to go to my counseling with me. He didn't go, but showed up at the house right afterwards and when the kids went to bed asked if there was anything I wanted to talk about. We talked some and he finally admitted to me personally that he was confused. I asked him what he thought our biggest problem was and he said communication. Well, at least we both realize that is where our problems are!!!!

This past Friday night we had planned to go watch my daughter do a dance at a high school basketball game. The school ended up closing down due to illness and my son called to tell husband this at work. He then calls me at work and asks what we are doing for supper and offers to bring over pizza. We were again intimate and he actually slept in our bed. I was sick Saturday he stayed here and helped me take care of my five year old daughter. I really thought he'd leave Saturday night, but we were in the livingroom and he said, "I've got to get to bed." and he walked into our bedroom and got in our bed! Sunday, I felt better and we went shopping, etc. and he bought some things for my house. I bought him a toothbrush and deodorant to keep here. Seemed strange to do that. He didn't leave until 1 AM this morning. Don't know why he didn't just stay here and then go to work, but he didn't.

Today, he called me at work two different times and agreed to stop by after work. He came here and we ate supper. I had again invited him to my counseling and as I was getting ready to leave asked him if he was sure he didn't want to go and he said "No." I said, "You mean you're not sure." I was teasing him. Then I asked if he'd be here when I got back and he said, "Well, do you want me to be here?" Of course, I did. I knew he had a fire department meeting at 7:30, but figured he had forgotten about it. When I arrived from counseling he mentioned his meeting and seemed upset about something. I asked him if something was wrong and he said that there wasn't. Still I wondered. Then right before he left, I told him if he got out of his meeting early he could come back out if he wanted to talk about anything. He asked how my counseling went and I told him it was O.K. and that my counselor had given me a hand out on communication. He again acted upset and then left.

So, that's about it. I'm not sure what to make of it all. My counselor says she sees progress each week I go back, but it sure feels like we're stuck in a rut!

ferbie,
I think your therapist is right, sure sounds like progress to me. Just sounds like he's still a little confused and feeling some conflicting emotions. Give him time and patience and don't try to force it (not that you are). Thanks for the update and keep me posted okay. I think of you every time I get on this board and wonder how things are going for you. Good luck to you my friend!

Almost