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Joined: Jan 2003
Posts: 64
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Joined: Jan 2003
Posts: 64 |
I cheated on my wife of 15 years, I also lied about stopping the affair. The day I went to stop it I was found out and everything came down. I have not talked to the OW since this all happen, I want my marriage back and my wife she says she wants the marriage too, but needs closure so she can move forward. She claims she still loves me, but can't trust me anymore. Do I have a chance or am I just better off to let her go? Help me
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Joined: Sep 2001
Posts: 789
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Joined: Sep 2001
Posts: 789 |
If you want your marriage, you have to change and do the work. If you are not willing to do the work of rebuilding then you are better off to let her go. You must look within yourself- it won't be easy although it could be well worth it, especially if you and your wife have children.
I would suggest reading at lot of the material on this site.
Also, to make it clear, you do have a chance, but it will take alot of time, around a year or so, for the pain caused by the damage to subside.
<small>[ January 14, 2003, 06:50 PM: Message edited by: espoir ]</small>
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Joined: Jan 2003
Posts: 64
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Joined: Jan 2003
Posts: 64 |
Thanks, I have started to work on myself. I feel good to. BS wants to get into arguments to fuel her anger but I refuse to go there. I have all the time in the world, I will enjoy my two daughters and find new hobbies. Keep myself busy.
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Joined: Aug 2002
Posts: 439
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Joined: Aug 2002
Posts: 439 |
Ighoping, welcome. Can you elaborate on your story a little bit? What is the status with you and your W now? Do you have kids? Some more info would be helpful in helping you.
MTD
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Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 92,985 Likes: 1
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Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 92,985 Likes: 1 |
lghoping,
Yes, there is hope, but you have to know that it will take a long time for her to recover from this and you will have to help her. You will have to put up with her angry outbursts and answer her questions over and over again. Its real important that you tell her whatever she wants to know. Just being WILLING to do that will go a very long in healing her.
You have made a good first step by coming here, but I would suggest reading everything here and determining what was lacking in your marriage that led you to seek an affair. There is a problem in your marriage and the affair is only the symptom. You need to find the cause.
Can you send your wife to us and let us help her?
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Joined: Jun 2002
Posts: 299
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Joined: Jun 2002
Posts: 299 |
Don't give up on your wife. She is going to have major issues to work out and I think you could help both if you sent her here. Maybe seeing other people in her shoes can begin the healing process.
Good luck and don't give up, with true love all is possible.
Layli
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Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 4,140
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Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 4,140 |
<<<I feel good to. BS wants to get into arguments to fuel her anger but I refuse to go there.>>>
Can you get her back? Not as long as you intend to treat her like this.
Do you think she's "fueling her anger" just for fun? Do you think her anger even NEEDS "fueling?" She is suffering rage and pain and rejection at a level you cannot comprehend, but you don't want to "go there" because oh, dear, that would be uncomfortable for YOU.
You were brave enough to lie to her and cheat on her. If you want her back, you will have to be man enough to take the consequences of your actions. That includes taking the full force of her anger and suffering and NOT turning your back on her when she needs you most because she's "angry."
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