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Joined: Jan 2003
Posts: 531
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Joined: Jan 2003
Posts: 531 |
I've read about plan A and B on the site but haven't been able to find anything about how the transition works. Do you plan A right up until the day before your plan B kicks in and hit them with it out of the blue or do you warn them ahead of time what might happen if they continue doing what they're doing?
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Joined: Dec 2002
Posts: 684
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Joined: Dec 2002
Posts: 684 |
Well what happened for me was my WW said she wanted to file for D, so I sent her a plan B letter and told her if she wanted to file she would have to because I was not ready.
Many others could better answer your question for you but as I recall you should do it ONLY when you cannot handle the pain of the A in your face. I don't think you should give any warning IMHO, but just give it to your WS. But do it in a way that is respectful and not a slap in the face, as I recall A Lost Soul sent his to his WW work along with a rose attached. He did have some fallout from that but I thought it was a very classy way to do it.
I would look in SAA and see what it says there (I loaned my copy to a friend). I would also love to hear from others about their ideas.
STTSI
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Joined: Apr 1999
Posts: 8,016
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Joined: Apr 1999
Posts: 8,016 |
Do you plan A right up until the day before your plan B kicks in and hit them with it out of the blue or do you warn them ahead of time what might happen if they continue doing what they're doing?
Don't tell them what may happen. This would be like saying it's okay to continue your affair until (when you start Plan B.)
After you have done Plan A for a while (at least 3 months I'd recommend), you need to start thinking about what you need to to go to Plan B. Where you might go, bank accounts, etc.
so I sent her a plan B letter and told her if she wanted to file she would have to because I was not ready.
Don;t bring up divorce. If they bring it up, then simply tell them you don't want it. Just tell them you love them, still want the marriage but cannot have contact with them until they quit the affair and are willing to discuss repairing the marriage.
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Joined: Sep 2002
Posts: 77
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Joined: Sep 2002
Posts: 77 |
scottina
STTSI and Chris are right in saying that you should not tell WS that you are considering Plan B as it will be seen as a threat - big LB.
The transition will come when you are ready. You will know when your lovebank is running low. When it does you will need to go to Plan B to protect yourself and your love for your WS.
It is hard to go to Plan B, I ended up going to Plan B later than envisaged. It felt like chopping my right arm off. Now 8 weeks on the pain has eased considerably and feel able to live without WS if I have to but I don't want to. One thing I can say is that I now feel stronger than I have for a long time.
I hope everything turns out well for you.
NS
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