My WW trying to be a FWW came home from work the other day and told me about her new office. She also told me about her phone there and that she would have VM.

Why did she do this? It was her cell phone bill that got her caught in October. My first thought was one of instant fear. OMG, now she is in a private office with VM too. Will there ever be an end to this. Is that thought so far off or am I reacting in fear?

My take is on this is she wants you to know it upfront so it won't be a secret. If you didn't know that she had VM them she could be doing something in secretive.

I know in my case I don't want there to be any secrets anymore.

I know you are fearful of what could happen. But maybe try to see this as her way of getting you to trust her again.

trusting her,
Neither her cell phone or new voice mail is the problem, her problem was her choices, decisions, and behavior.

If she is going to cheat, she will. And if she's not going to get caught by her cell phone bill or voice mail records, she'll be smarter and use a pay phone.

Ask her for her voice mail password. If she's willing to be accountable & trustworthy, she'll give it to you. And, if she says she can't because of the "company"...my H is military, the "company" would definitely disapprove, but he gave it to me anyway because at that time our recovery was a higher priority than his job. While the A was ongoing he vehemently refused to give it to me.

If your wife behaves trustworthily over a period of time, you'll see that behavior. Don't worry about the technology that makes cheating more convenient, if you worry, worry about her reasons, her emotional needs, and how she is with you.

If one is going to cheat, they will as Lor said. My WS, H, bought calling cards at Wal Mart and made his calls so they couldn't be traced. If I'd not found the secret email accts, who knows when I'd found out if ever.
I think your wife told you so there would be no secrets. But after the A my H had, I never leave anything to chance. I will always be checking anything that I can! LouLou

Thanks to both of your replies.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">My take is on this is she wants you to know it upfront so it won't be a secret. If you didn't know that she had VM them she could be doing something in secretive. </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"><img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> That thought entered my mind but was quickly pushed away with my fears and worry. I'll go back and change it to a good thought.

She was being honest and upfront about it and I will look at it that way now.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> Ask her for her voice mail password. If she's willing to be accountable & trustworthy, she'll give it to you. And, if she says she can't because of the "company"...my H is military, the "company" would definitely disapprove, but he gave it to me anyway because at that time our recovery was a higher priority than his job. While the A was ongoing he vehemently refused to give it to me.
</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">If I ask she preceives it as me trying to control her and her life. A lot of that I think comes from her still being in the FOG. Right now she just wants to put it all behind and pretend it never happened.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> If your wife behaves trustworthily over a period of time, you'll see that behavior. Don't worry about the technology that makes cheating more convenient, if you worry, worry about her reasons, her emotional needs, and how she is with you. </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Her behaviour is much better now. I can see in her actions that prove she is trying, but at times she still slips up and calls this OM again. To my knowledge she contacted him on Christmas Eve, I asked about it a few days later because she entered one of her despondent moods then. She told me that she had called him on Christmas Eve and that he called back later and left her a VM on her cell phone. See, she was honest with her reply. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> That was good. Call it luck or fear, the son and I had to swap out some pants that did not fit him. Arriving at the mall I noticed she had left her phone in the car. I know, it killed the cat, but I wondered if her VM password was the same as her ATM card. Yeppers, it was, and his message was saved. Ouch! <img border="0" alt="[Teary]" title="" src="graemlins/teary.gif" />

A week later she entered another of her fidigety moods while we were going out to eat with the children. She got into the car with us, turned on her phone and there was a message waiting for her. Funny thing here is that she listened to it and then deleted it. But......while at dinner she avoided all eye contact with me. This eye-contact was something that was missing prior to D-day and over the last 3 months had grown to where we could talk without her looking at the walls, floors, ceilings, tabletops. I assumed the message was from OM. She again verified this 2 days later when I asked her about it because she became despondent again.

But, I do see behaviour that shows she is trying. I am doing the best I can at meeting her EN's and learning more each day. It's just the setbacks that I hate. They hurt.

Silly question again? Would it be wrong of me to call her at work today and tell her that her mentioning her office and VM really scared me but that I appreicate her being honest and upfront with me about it?

In my opinion, I would call her and let her know how you feel. But this advice is from me, a FWW, who is trying my best to get my H to see that I&#8217;m trying.
You might get a different opinion from other people.

Whatever you decide, I wish you the best. I am thinking of you.