I usally post "In Recovery" as wishfull thinking I guess its time to come to terms with my real world.
Think I’m toast!. My wife has apparently come to her decision that she does not love me, and will not be able to in the future. She just doesn’t think she will ever be able to feel for me the way a Wife should feel for a Husband. Eight weeks in my opinion, doesn’t seem to be much time to get to such a devastating end. I cant possibly imagine that she even come to terms with the pain I’ve inflected much less wanting to get back into the game?
As a result of me flipping out and scaring her (in terms of my emotional stability nothing physical) when her decision was exposed she has agreed to read “After the Affair” to see if it brings any different perspective to her decision. I’m sure that another reason she’s reading is that I said if she did read the book and feels the same after I would go quietly into the night. (Fat Chance I’m fighting for our 18 year marriage and family) When she’s done we will talk again we agreed.
Also because of me “Flipping” out she called my counselor to say she’s worried about me, She did agree at my counselors request, to come the next meeting with me but I think she’s more concerned that I understand “How to tell The Kids” and my emotional stability than reconnecting. In fact she said as much and added don’t be to hopeful…. Ouch
I feel like the future of my family and my sanity are at the mercy of a book and an hour and a half meeting with a counselor.. Wing and a prayer sound familiar?
To sum up what I’m feeling this is a note I sent her today….
I’m sure there was a time when you wouldn’t have thought you liked asparagus. In fact I bet there was a time when the thought even trying it was unpleasant but now look. All I’m asking is that you give the idea of some of the most basic forms of re-connection with me the same consideration as you did a vegetable..
I can’t help but feel the basic process of trying to come back to affection much less love by relaying primarily on reflection and few if any attempts, never has a chance for a positive outcome and it scares the **** out of me. If we just thought of putting our hands into a fire and never experienced the heat we would all be running around with burn bandages on our fingers…
I hope its not to heavy for a response of any kind, its still a connection attempt?, go ahead hit reply.... try it
I love you
I have made significant changes as a FWS Must, that she has acknowledged as impressive but that at the same time she say’s “they don’t make a difference on how she feels toward me”. She just doesn’t love me… I think I’m toast..
How can reading ATA possibly make a difference if she reads it with an attitude ? HELP
<small>[ January 16, 2003, 10:58 AM: Message edited by: MirrorHasTwo Faces ]</small>
