New meds for women....
Damitol
Take 2 and the rest of the world can go to hell for up to 8 hours.
St. Mom's Wort:
Plant extract that treats mom's depression by rendering children
unconscious for up to six hours.
Empty Nestrogen:
Highly effective capsule that eliminates melancholy by enhancing the
memory of how awful they were as teenagers and how you couldn't wait till
they moved out.
Peptobimbo:
Liquid silicone for single women. Two full cups swallowed before an
evening out increases breast size, decreases intelligence, and improves
flirting.
Dumerol:
When taken with Peptobimbo, can cause dangerously low I.Q. causing
enjoyment of country western music.
Flipitor:
Increases life expectancy of commuters by controlling road rage and the
urge to flip off other drivers.
Antiboyotics:
When administered to teenage girls, is highly effective in improving
grades, freeing up phone lines, and reducing money spent on make-up.
Menicillin:
Potent antiboyotic for older women. Increases resistance to such lines
as, "You make me want to be a better person... can we get naked now?"
Buyagra:
Injectable stimulant taken prior to shopping. Increases potency and
duration of spending spree.
Extra Strength Buy-One-all:
When combined with Buyagra, can cause an indiscriminate buying frenzy so
severe the victim may even come home with a Donny Osmond CD or a book by
Dr. Laura.
JackAsspirin:
Relieves headache caused by a man who can't remember your birthday,
anniversary or phone number.
Antitalksident:
A spray carried in a purse or wallet to be used on anyone too eager to
share their life stories with total strangers.
Sexcedrin:
More effective than Excedrin in treating the, "Not now, dear, I have a
headache," syndrome.
Ragamat:
When administered to a husband, provides the same irritation as ragging
on him all weekend, saving the wife the time and trouble of doing it
herself.
