Ever since I mailed the OW a letter telling her exactly how I felt and explained what she along with my H has done to me and my life, I have had an overwhelming feeling of peace and GUILT. I did meet the OW in person by showing up at her house one day but I left feeling as if she were the BS instead of me.

Was I wrong in sending the letter? Should I be feeling so guilty? I have not gotten a response from her so I do not know what to think. Is she thinking about this as much as I am? I feel as if I am going crazy !!!

No you should not feel guilty.

The letter probably did no more good than telling your husband to end the affair.

Don't expect a response. If one comes it will probably be along the lines of,
if you weren't so mean to him or if you knew how to love him, he wouldn't be seeing me.

Don't take it too personally. Your h has lied to them probably as much as he lied to you.

I did meet the OW in person by showing up at her house one day but I left feeling as if she were the BS instead of me.
MOST ow /om are "normal" people. They get caught up in it and it's so very difficult to get out of because "it feels so ggod/right."

I don't know why you would feel guilt.

In any case, the letter is sent, you can't change that, maybe you'll hear from her, maybe not.

I wouldn't expect anything from her. She isn't a person who is going to have any loyalty to you, and if you do hear, she may not tell you the truth or have good intentions or feel remorse toward you.

Let it go.

What do you feel guilty ABOUT? I can't see anything here that warrants guilt.

Feeling Tainted,
Don't feel guilty, it was something you felt like you had to do. As far as the OW making you feel like she was the BS take that with a grain of salt. Remember who your dealing with here, someone who would violate one of the most precious things God gave us; marriage.

When I confronted OM he also made me feel like I was wrong, and HE was the one who innocently got caught up in this "Drama" (those were his words). Any OP is a manipulator, a controller. They may feel guilt for what they did, but they won't admit anything wrong. In their eyes, it's your fault.

Do what i did when i was going crazy. It works, start to take care of yourself like you never did before. Lose weight, get new clothes, get your nails and hair done. whiten your teeth, take up an old hobby.

YOur spouse will notice, and you will feel like a million dollars. I look and feel better today then i did 10 years ago. Anytime you act differenly then normal, people react. Let him know , you are moving on without him. For me my wife actually got jealous. Especially when her old girl friend complimented me on my looks and clothes. Its also a real mood booster. good luck.

Wokeup,
I agree. I've started going to the gym to relieve frustration and tension. Before that it was a new hairstyle. Wife looks at me differently, like SHE'S TRYING TO FIGURE ME OUT!! I try and keep her on her toes, tonight I bought a heavy bag, I'm hoping to have it hanging in the family room when she gets home from work.

I even got a "Hummmph.... your chest hasn't looked like that in a LONG TIME" the other night.

I guess the reason I feel so guilty is because when i met the OW she actually seemed nice. She never said anything mean. I asked her if my H had said anything about me and she said no.

I hope this doesn't sound bad but I have always been told that I looked good. I work with ten men and no other women, I have always been given attention, always took care of myself, hair, weight, and so on. Now that this has happened I have had a hard time dealing with it and I am down to 101 lbs. The men I work with do not know what is going on with me. They are not telling me how good I look anymore, they are telling me I look sick and should gain my weight back.

My H has not tried to blame me for any of this. He has taken full responsibility. The problem I am having is dealing with the fact that I now have herpes because of this. My H is trying everything in his power to prove to me how sorry he is, how much he loves me and so on. My feelings for him are stronger now than before the A. I just look at him now with so much hate because of what the outcome to me has been. The ironic part of this whole thing is that he has not yet had and outbreak. I have had so many because of all the stress, I TRULY want him and her to feel ALL the pain I have physically gone through. That is so much not my nature, I never want to see anyone hurt. I guess that is why I feel so much guilt, because of the bad feelings I am having towards my H and the OW.

This was a sexual A only for my H, I think the OW truly had feelings for him that were not returned. I know that my H probably hurt her too and I guess that is why I feel guilty.

Right or Wrong...can't go back now and change it. Hopefully, the letter didn't impact the xOW too much...if it did...and if you hear from her...make the decision then if you still feel any need to apologize, but for now...just take the focus OFF xOW and put it where it belongs...on you and H and your marriage.

As BS, we do a lot of things "wrong"...it's just part of being thrown into the deep end of the pool with no warning, no life vest, no skills in swimming. We flounder, we sink, we struggle to keep our heads above water. We don't get a blue-print with every move outlined on d-day...so give yourself some credit for doing the best you can.

feeling tainted, don't feel bad about the letter, you didn't do anything wrong. I am bs also. I know you feel like you're going crazy, unfortunately, you're going through all the "normal" feelings that we all go through after being betrayed. We have so many "crazy" feelings and it's so hard to deal with at times.