Never did hear what happened. Was it that bad?

SS

bump

Sorry that I didn’t post anything. It went well we had a relaxed lunch in fact we joked around a lot it was nice. In fact she called the next two days just to talk but then OM came into town on Thursday (I saw his truck in town) and I didn’t here from her until last night when she called to get a number of some friends of ours that live in another city that she is going to with OM next week.

The affair definitely back in full swing and I am tired. This weekend is a long weekend here and I will be spending some time writing and perfecting my letter. She left 6 months ago this Sunday and I think the time for plan A is over although I don’t hold much hope for plan B except that it will help me release her.

PB

Hi PB,
It's plain to me that she is getting needs met by who ever happens to be there at the time. I think it is time for plan B.

Sorry that I didn’t post anything.
It's your thread, do what's best for you. I just wanted you to know you were on my mind and that I care about what happens.

It went well we had a relaxed lunch in fact we joked around a lot it was nice. In fact she called the next two days just to talk but then OM came into town on Thursday (I saw his truck in town) and I didn’t here from her until last night when she called to get a number of some friends of ours that live in another city that she is going to with OM next week.
I think it is plain that she still likes you and could be with you, she just chooses not to. She gets to pick and choose and live an exciting life, but someday it will all come down on her. Oh, how I hope she learns before it is too late, and that may be very soon.

The affair definitely back in full swing and I am tired. This weekend is a long weekend here and I will be spending some time writing and perfecting my letter. She left 6 months ago this Sunday and I think the time for plan A is over although I don’t hold much hope for plan B except that it will help me release her.
We never know, but you can't go to B unless you are ready to move on if it doesn't work. If you believe it's time ( and I have already said that I do,) then go on with it. It's going to be hard to stick with it because you enjoy time with her and it gives you hope. You know what you have to do.

How is life outside of that? Job OK? Getting enough rest and exercise? Still having fun doing other things, or if not fun, at least taking your mind off your troubles?

Yes, this will be tough, but you have friends, and you can count on us if you need us.

SS

I am doing alright in fact I have gotten myself involved with a bunch of things and am doing stuff I never thought I would. I have recorded some music and am a DJ on the local Christian radio station. My church and pastor have been really good and I am getting back to normal.

As for work it is good, although for a while it was rather difficult getting into the swing of things. My job is interesting and challenging I just have to find new motivations etc...

Like I said I am doing the DJ thing on the radio and it is fun. If you send me your mailing address I will send you a CD-R of one of my shows and if your email can handle large files (2MB) I'll even send you an MP3 of one of the songs I wrote and recorded (For my wife’s birthday this past January)

I am playing softball in the men's league instead of Co-ed like I did last year (so I don't have to play with or against my wife). It is going well our team is undefeated but then again we have only played two games. I am batting pretty well but again it has only been two weeks.

Oh and I just booked a flight to go to the Cornerstone Festival in Bushnell Illinois. This summer 300 Bands over 5 days on 11 stages plus 250 hours of seminars should be a blast.

Thanks again for the support I really appreciate it.

Sounds like you are too busy to mope.

But I know what many of your waking moments are like even when you are trying to do something else.

Still on track for plan B?

SS

<small>[ May 21, 2003, 03:24 PM: Message edited by: still seeking ]</small>

Any changes?

You OK?

SS

Yeah I am doing alright. I am still about where I was last week I have written the letter I just want to rewrite it neater (my hand writing isn't that good) but I know that is just an excuse. I will get it done and give it to her. I just don't know when. at this point I don't hear from her often anyways.

PB

You know that your marriage may not surrive. You need to know that you have done all that you could do to save it. From where I am, it looks like you have. If you can think of anything else, do that too before she gets the letter.

There are a lot of things in life we don't understand until long after they happen. I continue to pray for you.

SS

Well it is time for plan B for sure.

This weekend after not seeing her in over a month she showed up at my ball tournament (remember I now play Men's instead of Co-ed so as to not play against / with her). She came and hung out for the whole weekend with some of my friends who were playing in the tournament on another other team. I must say that I really wished she hadn't been there. Her presence totally threw me off my game and basically ruined my weekend.

The thing was she was there not to watch me but to watch our friends she hung out with them and barely said anything to me. Of course I didn't say much to her either I guess. I don't know it was weird her she was hanging out with my friends to the point where I felt like I should just leave. Which I did right after my games. I don't know if I reacted right but I do know this, that unless she is truly interested in working things out I no longer want to see her or be with her.

Anyway the letter is now written (slightly modified from the one posted above) on nice paper. I am going to send it to her with some flowers later on this week. I have one thing left to do. The CD on which I burned her birthday song has become corrupt (or at least I assume it has because every other copy from that batch of CD-Rs has) so I am going to make her another copy which I will leave in the mailbox on Tuesday or Wednesday and then I will send the flowers and letter on Thursday or Friday (after I know she has gotten the CD)

I agree, and your feelings seem to be at the right point.

It's hard to know what to say sometimes, I am sad, but I want you to be free of this, and feel it's time. I wish I was more help today.

SS

Well it is done. This morning I dropped the Plan B letter off at the florists. It will be delivered with a bouquet of flowers this afternoon.

I pray that she receives it in the spirit in which it was sent.

I am also wondering whom else I should send it to. I know it should go to OM but I am not sure how to contact him. I was thinking that maybe I should send it to her parents so they can understand where I am coming from.

Well she must have received the letter and flowers because she tried to call me at work (twice). I didn't answer and she didn't leave a message.

This is going to be hard

<small>[ June 05, 2003, 06:24 PM: Message edited by: Polar Boy ]</small>

Hi PB,
I see you have discovered the truth again.

This is going to be hard

What will you do if she shows up and wants to talk to you? Or if she comes to the ball game again and comes your way?

You should have an idea - and I don't think you need to run at the first sign of her, but you need to be polite, and cut things off if she has no intention of talking "marriage" with you.

Something along the lines of: "I love you and I love to be with you, but I have too much invested to be just friends, and if you are not interrested in marriage to me, I can't stand the pain of talking to you any more, so please excuse me."
Then drift away. Act strong, like you are OK.

Are things still OK at work?

You are very right, this will be hard. You have my prayers.

SS

Yesterday afternoon there was a letter in the mailbox from my wife. I debated opening it but decided to in the presence of one of my best friends. This is how it read (edited for names)

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">June 6, 2003

Dear Polar Boy,

First off I would like to thank you for the flowers. They are beautiful however I ask that you do not send me anymore. I have read your letter and understand where you are coming from so I am responding with what I have left to say. The following may not be the words you want to hear and may hurt but they are things I feel I have to tell you

My relationship with OM is very strong. We have formed a very close bond, closer than with anyone else in my life to this point. I have no intentions of separating from him and my family is aware of this and so should you. There is something there that I cannot explain but only know that he is the person that I am meant to be with.

As for our relationship I am sorry but I do not feel that there is one anymore. We have gone two separate ways and I am not comfortable with the way you have chosen as I am sure you are not comfortable with the lifestyle I choose to lead. I have never been nor will I ever be the religious support you need. When I am around you I feel absolutely nothing for you anymore. I do not love you or find you attractive anymore. It was your idea for us to remain friends through all of this but I understand that you cannot handle it so I will leave it be.

Please be warned that I will not be contact you or updating you on anything in my life after this point. Yu have chosen to stop communications and I respect that but please do the same for me including my family. I have no intentions of reconciling with you. I would like you to please consider a divorce. I will fill out all the paper work for you to sign if that would make it easier. If not understand that you will be getting my Petition for Divorce sometime later this year.

I am not the person I once was and I hope you can realize this and let me lead my own separate life. I hope you will be able to heal and find someone who can provide you with the care and love that you deserve, who fits in to your lifestyle.

Respectfully,

WS
</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">All I can say is at least she didn't ask for the cat back.

PB

PB,

I'm sorry, this must hurt terribly. Be strong in the face of this pain and stick to the no contact plan. Even if this is truly the end of your marriage...and that is something no one can predict...no contact will protect you and make whatever transition you need to make easier in the long run. Plan B is designed to protect you from being used or hurt anymore than you already are. Good luck.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> Please be warned that I will not be contact you or updating you on anything in my life after this point. Yu have chosen to stop communications and I respect that but please do the same for me including my family. I have no intentions of reconciling with you. I would like you to please consider a divorce. I will fill out all the paper work for you to sign if that would make it easier. If not understand that you will be getting my Petition for Divorce sometime later this year. </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Sounds like a threat in anger due to your Plan B letter. Just stick to Plan B, don't contact her or her family (unless her family contacts you).

If you normally have a relationship with her family, keep on doing it if you want. There is no reason for you to stop communications with them, EVEN if she asks you to not contact them.

I get along great with my ex’s family. I see her parents, bros & sis every few weeks.

<small>[ June 07, 2003, 03:56 PM: Message edited by: Chris -CA123 ]</small>

It sounds like something from someone in the middle of an A - the addiction of an A.

You can only go on righ now. I would still contact her family if you are good friends with them and they want contact. That's not for her to decide. When you do something wrong, you don't get to pick the consenquences.

I worry more about you than anything - you have done well, but pain is pain.

If she comes up with papers, you will need to decide what you will do. Odds are her relationship with OM won't last, and you know that. I don't know what will happen, but you have freedom to choose what you will do.

I have been thinking about this, and I don't have any better advice than before. Live well, pray, and give it time. You will be OK, it's just a matter of how long it will take.

SS

You have had time to think a little more, and if still no contact, you have a direction, even if it's not the one you wanted.

Any change?

SS