And I'm not sure I can do it.

H annouced last week that he's decided to give up. He's tired of trying. Tried of trying to please me.

For the first year or so he has done a great job rebuilding my trust and showing me how sorry he is. But the last few months have been definitely a regression.

He's started spending a lot of time at our daycare providers house (she's a divorcee with three boys). A whole lot of time. I'm 100% there's nothing going on between them at all (her husband left her for another woman), in fact he spents most of his time with the 12 year old boy - but this has turned into a weird twisted form of escape. Even his counselor has told him this. That he needs to remove himself from the situation.

For my birthday, xmas our anniversary (all in oct/nov/dec) h did nothing for me. Yet for the woman and her boys went all out (they also have birthdays in nov). H didn't pick out one toy for our son for xmas - Yet went on and on about what he was going to buy the 12 year old.

H has also regressed in that he's been on a spending spree for himself. He spent so much the other week I had to take money out of our son's savings account for groceries.

At this point he's told us there's no hope for our marriage. but he's also told me that he still loves me and is unhappy. can't please me (I don't know was he was expecting with some of his behaviors?!)

he's been with his family the last week. They've have all encouraged him to continue trying. they say he's very angry and depressed. He's coming home tonight with the plan to live in our guest room until he can afford to move out. (Finanically things are a mess right now so this won't be any time really soon).

HE keeps telling me not to even try, it's over... chalk it all up to a learning expereince. I'm not ready to do that. Plus I'm 7 months pregnant.

I still feel that we have some hope, maybe I'm delusional.

But I think if I can PLAN A my brains out, I might have a shot. This will be hard. I've already started to focus on what makes me happy - but it's easier when he's not moping around here. I don't know how this will work once he gets back.

I've been pleasant and upbeat on the phone to him. Even when he wants to start dwelling on the custoday and splitting up asset issues. I'm making a point to tell him I love him, and we miss him everyday. he just says "thank you" or "that's sweet". I told him yesterday I'm sorry tha things have gotten as bad as they have. He said "it's ok" really quickly. so OBVIOUSLY he's being pretty cold and curt to me. I can deal with this (for a while.)

I guess I don't really have a specific question here... just if anyone can relate, offer advice, or lend a few words of support I'd really appreciate it.

I'm 100% there's nothing going on between them at all
Perhaps not intentionally. But this is how most affairs start.

But I think if I can PLAN A my brains out, I might have a shot.
Plan A is not about "winning" the ws back. It is understanding how your behaviors affect a relationship & changing them to make the relationship better. You are someone safe for the ws to be with. If it's about "winning" them back, the bs will almost always lose.

You show them how "great" you can be so when the affair dies, you are there for them.

>>I'm 100% there's nothing going on between them at all
>>Perhaps not intentionally. But this is how most affairs start.

Good news, good news. This woman called my husband today and told her that she no longer wants to "chit chat" with him. She feels uncomfortable given everything that going on in his life. (her husabnd left her for another woman)

As far as winning H back, that's not quite what I mean. I meant more, just making myself happy. I still have hope for us, but not if I'm sad/depressed and focused on the problems, but just focused on being happy... doing what I need to do to feel good about myself and my family.

Oooooo, H is now seriously mad!

I'm definitely at a MAJOR CRISIS time now.

Oooooo, H is now seriously mad!
Because of the call from the ow?

Now is the time for you to Plan A (even if you are still deciding what you want to do.)
Don't give him any (logical) reason to be/get mad at you.

I deserve a pat on the back today.

I did an awesome job this morning. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> H smirked at me a few times and gave me a funny little sideways look. I asked what that look was for?

He even said he's "suppose" to be mad at me. (meaning - he was having trouble staying mad).

<img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

He's called me three times already this morning.

he was having trouble staying mad).
Great! Keep it up! Don't give him a reason to get mad. And when he does "make up" reasons, don't argue about it. Just say, "Sorry. I didn't realize that bothered you. Thanks for pointing it out. I'll have to make sure I don't do that again!" And then MAKE sure you don't do it again!

Chris, thanks for your replies. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

Last night we watched a movie together and he actually slept in "our" bed until about 1. He then got up and went back to the guest room.

When he left I said "night night, I love you". and he said "night night I love you too" <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

it's the first time he's said that in least a week.

Today he made a comment about "if" we split up. Up until recently it's always been "when"... <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />