My H wants a divorce. He wants us to sell the house this spring and go our separate ways.
He says he doesn't know if he loves me anymore.
Thinks that a D will take all the pain away from him.
Thanks to all of you who ever read or answered a post from me.
I will continue to show him I love him daily but really have lost faith.
I won't be posting here anymore as there is nothing to build.
Pray for us.

Here is my story if someone wants to know what all happened.

I posted this back in December:

I am sort of new to MB so my story isn’t posted anywhere. It’s a long one and full of hurt for my family.

My H and I have been married for 12 years next week and together for 16 years. We have two boys 13 & 6. Our M has really been good and especially good the year before this happened. (Weird to me and H) There were emotional and physical need issues that we had always had. Me needing more than he felt he could give. I guess I’m just a needy person when it comes to emotionalness (is that a word?!) and physical affection.

We started having some get togethers at our house in November of 2001 and everyone was a couple except this one guy I worked with. He was going through a divorce (his wife left him for OM). I started listening to his problems and that’s how it started. I became the person that he looked for to help him. I should have cut that off really quickly, but I couldn’t see it happening. My H even asked me a few times if something was going on…of course I denied anything. Honestly I really felt like we were just friends. Nothing had happened at this point. We were just talking. I didn’t realize it was an EA. I don’t think I had ever even heard of an EA.

Around December I started pulling more toward him and moving away from my H. Our 11th anniversary was at the end of December and my H knew I wasn’t happy. He took me away for the weekend and tried his best to talk some sense into me. I actually felt loved that weekend and vowed to myself to cut off contact with OP. I wanted my M. The month of January was pretty uneventful. My H was wonderful, showed me love, kindness, affection. He was the world’s perfect husband. I didn’t talk to OP except for a little here and there at work.
February, things got worse. I felt stuck between two people and didn’t know what to do. I really wanted to die. I told my H that I wanted to move out because I didn’t know what I wanted. I moved to my mothers house. I ended up staying there for two weeks. My H was devasted. He had been showing me everything I have ever wanted..how could I have given up on him? I couldn’t see that. I was in the “fog”. Of course I didn’t know what fog was then.....

During the time that I lived with my mom (2 weeks) I went to OM’s house and we had sex.
I felt horrible. My H was a wreck during those two weeks. (He didn’t find out about the sex part until March.) He called me crying, wanting me to come home really bad. During that time my husband also felt it was a good time to tell me the truth about an EA he had aprox 8 years ago. That’s a whole other story, but I suspected it then but he kept telling me “we’re just friends”. Well, he told me the truth then because he hoped it would help me to realize what I was doing. It’s weird to me now as I look back, but I had no feeling then, no emotion. I was so unlike myself it scares me.

I did come home but I still wasn’t trying really hard. I felt horrible about this secret and still had some feelings for OM… and of course I saw him everyday at work. I had told OM that I was at home and I needed to work on my M. I was stupid and thought “ok I can have my marriage and be friends with him too…this can work”. WRONG. It doesn’t work like that.

One night in March my H and I were having a conversation it came out and I told him the truth. It was awful. We both cried and cried. I actually had feeling that night. We stayed up the whole entire night crying. The next day I went to work and he stayed home from work. When I came home he was a mess and at first he told me that we needed to separate and we started figuring who would have the kids when, etc….. Then we figured out that we would try again.

I had still talked to OM on my cell phone a few times and my H blew up at me. That was when I started to come out of the fog. I printed off all my cell phone bills and showed them to him in tears. I made an appointment with our priest. I tried to do anything. I was desperate for our marriage.

Since then things have been not too good. The OM and I still work together. I know that is strongly not recommended but there are other issues.
To show my H how committed to our M, I went to both of my bosses (who I work directly with) and told them (through a lot of tears) the whole story. They were wonderful. Didn’t judge me and offered to talk to my H. They both had suspected this last year but had seen the big changes in me and OM—the fact that we never spent any time together anymore and were staying away from each other.

My bosses are actually a great source of support for me now because they desperately want me to stay here. I work at a school and one of my kids come here to school with me. That’s the main reason that I can’t just quit all of a sudden. My kids will have to change schools.

I have told my H that if he commits to working on our M then I will look for another job. But if he’s going to Divorce me then I need stability (14 years here) and medical insurance, etc…..
The OM doesn’t bother me at all. That is completely over. The fog for me is gone and now I look back and think—“what in the **ll was I thinking? Who was I?

Honestly, it is very difficult for me to know that I did this to my family. I turned away from my H when he was trying his best to come to me and give me what I needed.

The past three months have been hard. I started seeing a Christian Counselor. I go once a week. That has been wonderful for me. It’s helping me to realize my mistakes and helps me to deal with what my H is feeling. H won’t go with me and says he may never.
We pretty much just live in the same house. Not much affection. He just isn’t ready to work on our M and doesn’t know if he will ever be able to. I rejected him over and over. The pain is too great.

It seems as though now my H is in a fog of his own. In a different way. I am determined to keep showing him my love and commitment for our M and family. Hopefully one day he will see that I mean it. I’m not going to give up.

Everyone here on MB has been wonderful.
Thank you for listening to my story. I’d be glad to answer any more questions.

Thank-you for sharing your story with us. You say that you are not going to give up. Don't give up, keep on showing your H that you love him and want to be with him, right up until the day he files for divorce, if he does.

I don't think you should leave MB. You do have a lot of "building" to do. You are now a remorseful FWS (like me) who can do her own version of Plan A to try to meet your H's needs whenever and wherever possible, to try to show him that you care, and want to make things work.

My H has stuck to his "I want a divorce" mentality since d-day, but I refuse to give up. He allows contact with me, so I'm not going to give up. The day I give up is the day he serves me with Dv papers.

By the way, I'm amazed by your courage to tell your bosses about all that happened. That's a huge step towards recovery, it shows your H that he's your priority. I could never tell my principal (I'm a teacher too, work with OM too) all that happened. It would start the gossip mill like you wouldn't believe. But then, the fact that me and OM used to be like best buds at work and now we are never together is probably being noticed anyway.

I know how futile and hopeless things may feel right now, but you don't have to give up. You're a valuable person who realizes she made a mistake, and who realizes she wants to be with her H, the man she loves. Don't give up on your H or your M. Fight for it with all the love and compassion and patience that you can.

Jen