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Joined: Jan 2003
Posts: 64
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I'm the WS she is the BS, I do not want to end my marriage, but she feels this is the only option for her. She called me at work today crying and telling me this is very tough on her. I asked her to lunch, but she said she could not, I then asked if she wanted to talk about it, but she said she felt queer talking to me about it since I created this problem. I do not know what to do, our Divorce could be final as soon as next week. I really wish she could hold up on her desision, but I can't tell her two. We have two beautiful children 4 and 6. Please help me on what to do. Thanks.
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Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 92,985 Likes: 1
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Why did she call you? I am confused about why she would call you if she then states that she doesn't want to talk to you? Is she wanting you to try harder to get back into her good graces possibly? How hard have you tried to get her back?
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Joined: Jan 2003
Posts: 531
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I think Melody Lane is on to something. I don't know if it's possible but if there is anything you can do to delay the divorce, anything at all, I would do it. That would show her how serious you were.
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Joined: Jan 2003
Posts: 64
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She called to let me know she was not doing well today. This process has been in the works since April. She has lost all trust in me. I think she thinks divorce is the answer, but she also is seeing that many issues come along with that. I believe in myself and our life together, but I think she is stuck on all the lies. I don't really know what to do, should I just let her be, or should I tell her exactly how I feel. I'm crazy in love with her. I have not talked to the OW for 3 weeks now. I'm keeping my word forever. Thanks for all the help and fI look forward to more replies.
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Joined: Dec 2002
Posts: 85
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Wll lghoping, in your current situation with her you have nothing to lose and everything to gain.
Read everything you can on this site starting with the General Welcome. The read about No Contact. There must be No Contact with OW - period.
Then start talking to your W. Tell her you dont want Divorce, that you love her, that you want to EARN her trust and respect.
Ask for the Divorce to be delayed. Ask her to try and rebuild. But also look to yourself, how you got into this mess.
Suggest Marriage Counselling and Go, even if you go alone. Try and use a Counsellor trained in MB's Methods. Good Luck.
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Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 92,985 Likes: 1
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Posts: 92,985 Likes: 1 |
LG,
If I were you, I would go see her and tell her that you are crazy in love with her and don't want to lose her. Lay all your cards on the table and tell her that you will do everything to regain her trust.
And here is your plan to regain her trust and recover your marriage:
You will send the OW a no contact letter and promise to not contact her EVER AGAIN. You will open up your voice mail, cell phone, email, EVERYTHING to her in order to regain her trust. You will DO whatever it takes because she means everything to you.
Then tell her EVERYTHING about the affair and offer to answer EVERY QUESTION she has about the affair. Promise her that you will go to counseling with her and if that she will put off the divorce, you will spend the next months proving yourself to her.
Are you willing to do that?
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Joined: Jan 2003
Posts: 64
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Posts: 64 |
Things are looking up for me today, even though she still is heading towards a divorce, she is reading the information I sent her today on this site. She has responded back that the information is very good. She has said that she would love to spend the rest of her life with me, but I have created a situation that divorce seems to be her only option. Reading information on this site seems to be a start. Are there any comments out there? I would love feedback.
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Joined: Sep 2001
Posts: 789
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If the divorce has been in the works since last April, but you only stopped contacting OW three weeks ago- hmm, does that add up to at least 9 or 10 months of continued affair/contact with OW after Dday?
If so, you will have your work cut out for you. It's doable, but you're going to have to work your butt off and be prepared for it. It's easy to cut it off with OW and just figure W should forgive and forget. You have to earn back her trust. If you're not willing to do the work, cut it off now so W doesn't get hurt anymore. If you had stopped the affair on Dday, it would have been easier for her to forget/forgive, but you didn't. So... figure out if you can handle it. It can be done if you have the will and the energy. DOn't expect W to fix it for you.
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