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Joined: Sep 2002
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My WS who no lives in Tx. What's to buy some webcams so she see the kids... I mean man she is the one who left... I wanted to say her " the kids are right here where you left them"...., but I didn't.. Now bear in mind her A has ended back in Nov. as far as I know she is with noone.. She calls every night to talk to me... She says she miss us a lot.. I fear this will all pass as get use to all this.. She has to finish her last year of Law school.. She is working part time in Tx.. Our 4 kids live with me NC...
My question is I'm I enabling her in anyway if go ahead with this???....
Mjt
Brit's Brat I lost your number please call....
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Joined: Sep 2000
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Mjt - yes, in a way you're enabling her to better communicate with your kids this way. I understand your reaction that she has to accept the consequences for her decision. If not being close to the kids is one of the consequences for her, oh well. Play the role, pay the toll.
But the flip side is the consequences for the kids. What do they want? Would they like to be able to "see" their Mom? If so, I suggest you enable THEM. Demonstrate your compassion for their wishes. Yes, she's a WS, but she will always be their Mom. Do not deny them because of her behavior.
IMHO, do the right thing for your kids. This is VERY Plan A. You will be considering the wishes of all those you love, including the concept of taking responsibility for one's actions. It just so happens that in this case, she may not immediately feel the consequences. But "seeing" her kids may be more powerful than you imagine.
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Joined: Apr 2001
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I ditto WAT, Enable the kids!!! The other thought I did have is you said she is calling to talk to you nightly, why? Now ask are you enabling her to stay away, by filling the need of conversation? Am not sure what the answer is for you, just thought you might see it differently through my eyes!!! Dawn <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />
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Creative makes a small web cam...costs about $35...works really well considering it's so cheap. Enable the kids...I agree! (If you can't find this cam, I'll ask H were he got ours...because I don't know...but somewhere on the web. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> )
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Joined: Sep 2002
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Thanks all,
Good points... She does miss me... I've though hard about limiting her contact with me. I just don't understand her motive for not tell our children the real reason why she left... Our childern know nothing of her wanting a D.. Of course now she is not really sure herself what she wants... It's the old classic I need time find myself crap... I'm scared I maybe heading for a roller coaster ride. I hate roller coasters.
I will condsider the webcam for the kid's, I know the would enjoy seeing her...
Mjt
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</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by Mjt:
<strong>I just don't understand her motive for not tell our children the real reason why she left...</strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Duh!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
C'mon Mjt, you're not in the fog, SHE IS!
She doesn't want to tell the children BECAUSE SHE"S NOT SURE!!!!!
Plan A, Plan A, Plan A, Plan A, Plan A, Plan A, Plan A, Plan A, Plan A, Plan A, Plan A.
Kiss her butt. WebCam the kids. DO NOT deny her the opportunity to feel all those miles.
WAT
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Joined: Sep 2002
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Ok WAT,
I'm purchasing the cams tomorrow... Just sometimes I have to vent... Stop and think real hard because I'm dealing with someone who is so lost in her own self worth. She is still way too proud... I have to look at the postive, I have the kids and time on my side.
mjt
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Joined: Mar 2002
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I think SHE should pay for the webcam. But that is just my humble opinion.
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MJT, I agree with the plan A my friend. it is very empowering. be that loving light shining through the fog at her. I know it doesn't help her being so far away and so wrapped up in herself. We all know that side of the coin. Just focus on your great kids and your great you <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> Hope her fog lifts soon. Layli PS Doubt she could get very comfortable with her family so far away.
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