I haven't had much to update lately, but today I did find out something a little new... some news from back home.

My (and WW's) parents live in a fairly small city (200,000) - and they bump into each other now and then. Since our separation, I never heard my parents talking about my in-laws at all - until my dad bumped into my FIL at a hardware store recently.

My FIL was quite interested in talking to my dad. My dad, on the other hand, felt a bit ackward about things... kind of a difficult situation I put them in, I suppose... My parents know about the A (EA part of it anyhow), my IL's don't know squat AFAIK.

Although my dad resisted the idea of talking with FIL, I think a part of him knew that maybe he *should* at least let FIL get some "support". MIL & FIL appear to be very "in the dark" - and as such are lost, hurt and confused. My parents, on the other hand, are in a much better position, having more knowledge in-hand, from my talking fairly openly with them.

My dad and FIL did get together recently over coffee, according to my mom. My dad firmly believes that it's WW's place to talk to her parents about why things are the way they are... but he did do something that I'm very proud of... he brought along the letter that I'd sent my parents last June, around the time that I left WW.

As a refresher, here it is:

>>>> Start letter

Dear Mom and Dad,

It must surprise you a bit to be getting a letter from me. But this one is possibly overdue.

Where to start? Well, you may or may not have had an inkling that things haven’t been perfect between WW and I lately. In fact, you could probably go back to our trip home last winter to see some of the signs.

Yes, we’re going through a rocky period. But rest assured… I am dedicated to WW and making things better. However, we needed to change things a bit – and so we’re spending some time apart. I’ve been deep in the situation for a while now, and I’ve drawn upon every ounce of wisdom I can muster – and I realized we needed this. It might seem drastic, but you need to trust me on this – I take my dedication to WW as seriously as my life – but the definition of insanity is trying the same thing over and over and expecting a different result.

I realize you will be worried – but please try to not worry. This is something that I’ve had time to deal with, learn and grow from. I’ve found plenty of inner strength, and I’m doing alright. WW will be fine, too… it will take some more time and patience for both of us.

I know you’ve mentioned the desire to come down for a visit, and I definitely welcome that, no matter what. I may swing by there at some point in the next while also.

I need to reiterate the fact that I’m very hopeful this will work itself out, and when it does, both WW and I will be looking to a collective “you” for continued support and love. Clarity is sometimes hard to achieve when you’re submerged in a problem – it’s difficult to see the forest through the trees. That’s one of the reasons this is necessary, and between you and I, I see many positive signs.

I know this is hard for you to hear, but I know you guys are strong people who can provide me with strength. I will admit that it’s just been too hard to discuss directly – hence the letter. So my suggestion is that we just give it a little more time before talking again… let me call you when I’m ready, okay?

Until then, please don’t worry about either of us. We’re going to be fine. My confidence isn’t just to make you feel better – I feel it in myself.

Love,
JR

<<<< End letter

So as you can see, it was a very balanced letter, simply explaining my position of the day as clearly and concisely as I could.

My mom told me that FIL seemed very, very relieved almost to have read this letter from me to my parents. Hearing that - made me feel very relieved myself. I realize that hopefully they will rest a little easier, knowing that I didn't abandon their daughter - that I'm not some coward, running from my problems.

And I note that I didn't bad-mouth WW at all - or mention the A. I do hopefully sound strong and wise...

So the whole situation is just that one step more in the light of day. I didn't tell my parents to do any of this, and I think they handled the situation admirably. I guess when you're 65+, those years of wisdom do pay off!! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

As for J.R., last weekend I went off skiing, and yesterday I was sailing out on the ocean and stumbled into a group of about 500 dolphins - it was amazing - almost surreal!

WW? Not sure... probably had a therapy session or something! (Hmm, I wonder who's enjoying life more right now??!)

<small>[ January 26, 2003, 11:49 PM: Message edited by: J.R. ]</small>

However, we needed to change things a bit – and so we’re spending some time apart.
The time apart was for YOU, not to help her sort out staying in the marriage. You should have stated EXACTLY what/why you were doing it (she is having an affair and you could not stand it any longer.)

And I note that I didn't bad-mouth WW at all - or mention the A. I do hopefully sound strong and wise...
Great you didn't bad-mouth.
Why DIDN'T you mention the affairs(s)?

So the whole situation is just that one step more in the light of day.
Why not quit the "stepping" and give it a big wallop into the light of day?

J.R. - did your Dad spill all the beans? Or because "dad firmly believes that it's WW's place to talk to her parents about why things are the way they are" her parents are still in the dark about the self destructive behavior of their daughter?

At the time of your letter it may have been more defensible to keep the details under wraps, although some, like Chris and I, would argue to "out" the affair as soon as the WS denies it. But now, after so long and after your implementation of Plan B, why not tell the whole truth? Why not communicate directly with your in-laws, sending them a copy of your original letter AND your Plan B letter with a personal message from you to them expressing your sincere thoughts? JMHO.

WAT

Hmm, at the time, the letter was well received by the board, yes... I think I would / could tell my IL's more - but then again, in talking to Steve (a while ago now), his advice was to make it her responsibility to talk... Really, that's what he said. Maybe due to the LB factor? Well, if that's the case, I might as well wait until I file, since at that point, it won't matter... Her A has suffered and died at this point anyhow - outing it would buy very little other than to embarrass her. Her main issue at this point is in figuring out what real love is about, etc. Plus continued contact through work is setting her back - but there's plenty of reason to believe OM has had enough of her.

As for where I'm at, I certainly question whether it's all worth it anyhow. But that's another story for another day...