I think I'm "there". Where's that? The acceptance level of my M being over. Yes, it still saddens me, but I also don't have any anger towards my H either. That's all gone now.

It really hit me tonight, as I was sitting on the couch watching the local news (it's about time too! lol). The twins climbed up on to me. One on my right lap, curled his head into the crook of my neck. The other, on my left side, resting his head on my side. Of course, each one of my arms gave out good hugs too. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> The oldest was staying at Grampa's for a few days (he's coming home tomorrow).

It was so sad to me, to know exactly what my H has chosen to miss out on. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" /> I am so glad that my boys are young enough, that hopefully they won't remember the tough times (living in the shelter, H's abusive ways, never having enough money for stuff, etc).

Most importantly, I enjoyed the moment to its fullest. It felt really good. NOTHING could replace that feeling, that's for sure! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

I've taken down all of the pictures of H, and put them away in a special box for the boys. That same box has our wedding memorabilia (minus the photo album, as H destroyed it while I was in the shelter <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" /> ). That was VERY healing. I even went through all of the extra copies of pics (I always get doubles), and made up an envelope for H, so that he can have pics of him and the boys (and some of me are in there too of course). I probably won't get them to him until I see him in court... but I do plan on giving them to him personally (or at least have him get them while in my presence - just to make sure he's gotten them).

As far as I know, he still hasn't gotten the rest of his things at our old house. Once Feb 1st comes, that will make those things the landlords' property, I believe. Sad. Some of the items include much of his own childhood memorabilia, and some furniture too (including some dressers his sister hand painted). His loss. And not really my problem, is it?

The new house is coming to order quite nicely. The boys are happier than I've seen them in a LONG time, and so is mum (that's me! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" /> ).

I haven't heard back yet from children's aid, so I'm not sure when that court date will be, to get the supervised visitation in order. I do know that it will happen sometime in the next few weeks, that's for sure. In the meantime, we'll just continue with our day to day lives, as we have been doing all along anyways.

It's good to have a home again. I missed it. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

Karen

topie-glad to hear it. isnt the feeling of home great. i miss it.

i'm still here but it no longer feels like home, its missing the safety and protection i guess.

glad to hear the boys are well. they will be fine, i went through extremely rough times when my oldest was 1 1/2-2 yrs old. he has no memory of it. the boys will be great-look at the role model they have!!

hang in-i'll talk to you soon.

Karen,

You are doing awesome!!! It is great to have that peace and acceptance!!!!

You and the boys will make it, there are great things out there in store for you and now you are free to go and do them!!!

Dawn <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

Topie,

Sounds like you are coming through this incredibly strong and sane. I'm proud of you!! Someday you'll look back at all this and say "Wowww,,look at what I have accomplished by MYSELF". <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

Success comes in many sizes and shapes.

I, too, am enjoying my new home. And, home it feels like. My boys are also happier and seem more content... relaxed... as are their parents.

It has been a rough couple of years Topie... but I think the sun is shining again for both of us... eh?

Continue to post us updates... I lurk and post more infrequently... but I will think of you, and your boys, as I do hurtbyhubby and paintbrush and orchid and jeffers and elad and resilient and STL and zorweb... and... and... so many ... oh, how we have grown...

Hugs, Cali

nikko: I sure hope that you're right, and that my boys won't remember a lot of what went on. Your experience with it is VERY promising to me. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> And YES, we will talk soon.... I'm still trying, and still getting a busy signal from that darned calling card! HMPH!! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Razz]" src="images/icons/tongue.gif" />

daybreak: Thanks! I do feel awesome too! (for the most part <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" /> ). How are things with you? I haven't done much searching, but I'd love to hear an update. You can always email me if you'd rather... you have the new addy.

Nerlycrzy: I'm getting proud of me too. It is all so much to absorb, and I haven't had much time to sit back and really take in what I've done. I know it's big... but it is also stuff I have to do. Once things calm down more (and that's happening already, b/c my 'ducks' have been in their rows for months now), I'm sure it'll hit. And then I'm sure I'll be on here to vent it out! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" />

Cali: Yes, we have grown. I wouldn't ever want to go back 2 yrs ago (except I liked the weight I was at on the infidelity diet <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" /> ). I too, think about the "gang" of us that were going through so many similarities, all at the same time. I'm truly happy with who I am now, emotionally. And you know what? I think that my most recent experiences are the reasons for Andrew's passing. That's been a tremendous realization for me, and has allowed more closure. I only hope they don't reopen Andrew's file now, due to H's child porn crap. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Confused]" src="images/icons/confused.gif" />

Karen

Hi Karen

I am glad to hear that things are settling down for you and the boys.

The title of your post caught my eye - it's the stage of acceptance, you know you can't do anymore. Whilst I don't feel content, I feel calm, and in a relatively good place - can't change H, or the way he is or what he wants to do. I still sometimes feel overwhelmingly sad at what happened, and let's face it, I have to take the major share of responsibility for that.

One day though, you will be able to look back (as will I), and know it was a phase of our lives, part of us, who we are, and why we are who we are today <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

Take care.

Lisa

Wow, Karen. You have been through SO MUCH! I'm so proud of you. You are a shining example of strenth and faith. I'm glad you are feeling good. Don't be surprised when there's down times. We are here for you in those too - you know that.

Keep hangin in there! You are a special lady!!!

huggggssssssss!!!!!
Faith1

hi karen I know that you don't know who I am but I feel that what is going on in your life is the same that is going in on my life.
But why do I feel that my m is over b/c of me but h is the one cheating and haveing ow's over all the time whan I am at work , and have children moves around the house he said there are his friend but i don't know if it is true.
how do I know that he is in to it how can i get him for this.
but i should not be so mad at the ow's there don't know that is m. how can i get my m but are it is over.

thank's looking for you 2223