<small>[ January 29, 2003, 09:47 PM: Message edited by: Shepette ]</small>

WS feels guilty. Probably has second thoughts about stuff. Wants to be strong enough to file to "prove" to himself (and maybe OW) that what they are doing is "real". Maybe feels unsettled by the balancing act of having those loose ends. Considering that tying up those loose ends will make him happier. And perhaps he will. Sometimes a unhappy certainty is preferable to an uncertain (mediocore) happiness.

Email could be a reaction on the roller coaster of the A.

What to do? Probably continue to plan B and hope that the info (LBing) during the IM chat, continues. Hope WS doesn't take the plunge in order to seek perceived release. Maybe others will have alternative ideas. You might let him know (or remind him) that D is something that you do not want, but if that if he does want it, that's his choice.

Just remember, these (my reply) are free thoughts from someone you don't really know. I just hope I didn't confuse you more.

Thank you so much Est for replying. I felt the email was a little conflictive, such as that he is forewarning me that he will be filing for D, yet he states he never wanted this?

I fully intend on replying back, and I intend on letting him know that D was never my intention. I think that this is the part where I have to let him know that I’ve always wanted to reconcile, even though that is the ‘hard’ choice, and that I have been waiting for him to want this option too. I want to tell him in the email that it IS possible, how do I do that when he knows nothing of MB and doesn’t take well to instruction. I’m sure he feels that since what he has done is irrepairable, that D is the only option. Then again, maybe he wants to forge his life on as a single man. I really don’t know. I don’t really think that WS and OW are in it for the long haul, I think that their relationship is already showing signs of stress and that they both realize it. I have even thought that he may have someone else he is interested in now, but of course I have no proof of that, just a weird feeling. I could be totally wrong.

I think you are right that he feels he has to clear up the loose ends. Being this may the be only time I can honestly tell him what I’ve been feeling for the last 7 months, and how I did not want to divorce, I guess I just need this email to be perfect, it may be that it is the last part of that ‘giving all you can until you get to the part where you know there is just no more you can give’ feeling. I don’t feel since this affair has started and Plan B that I have tried at all, I really haven’t had that chance.

I know it is his choice in the end, I can’t control that. I can only state my side of it, while not giving away my control, while knowing my own boundries, while making it a ‘safe’ place for WS to come back to, while convincing him that an affair is not necessarily the end of a relationship, wow, do I have my work cut out for me? I’ve been a member here for ages, and although I don’t write much, it has been so very hard to do that since this happened, I am on this board reading every single night.

Shepette