The first time my H went to see OW, he lied about it being a business trip. Wore his Wedding ring of course.
The second time he left it was simply a weeks vacation he had planned alone. WE never have done that. I got so mad I made him remove his wedding ring as I felt it was an A now. He removed it. I left a week before and went to my daughters.
Son is here and when I called after his dad left, he said his dad had put his wedding ring back on. Now OW is married and registered under her name at B&B. I think a friend of hers owns it, so knew this wasn't her H.
My WH says they did not pretend or present themselves as married.
WS'S? Did you wear your ring in A? If so, why?
Any ideas why my H would want to put his ring back on knowing he was going on a weeks vacation with OW?
Thanks all, LouLou

P.S. I found out later he had already implied to her he was going to get a divorce and was leaving me. Wouldn't wearing his wedding ring make her wonder? I would think he wanted to remove it to make her believe him.
He has since taken it off and replaced it with our original ring saying he didn't feel comfortable wearing it after having it on while with her.
TY,LouLou

ladylou-

I am a BS but I wore my ring right up to the day my WW said she wanted a DV and was going to file. My WW wore hers for weeks after D-day, it wasn't until I got her to admit that the ring she had on her other hand was a promise ring from the OM that she stopped wearing my ring. I told her I thought it was wrong and hypocritical that she wear a ring from her boyfriend on one hand and a ring from her husband on the other. Once I said that she took mine off and hasn't worn it since.

STTSI

I guess it depends on how honest he's been with OW. If she knows he's married, then a little ring ain't gonna bother her.

And you don't know that he wears it when he's with her -- he could very likely pop it into a pocket or wallet and just put it back on later.

I took mine on and off often. Kept it in my purse when I was with OM. Put it back on, on my way home. Eventually just stopped wearing it entirely.

Lexxxy , you are right about could have taken it off. I just wondered why he'd put it on for a trip across country to see her when I'd already asked him to leave it off. And it was off!
She knew he was married. The had emails back and forth at first contact about their spouses and families. She most likely wore hers too.
Didn't bother either of course. I ask him why he put it back on before leaving and he said didn't feel right off. LOL I figured they tried to pass off as H/W. But there again, he said not. And her daughter was there in same place with them. I think a friend of hers owns the B&B so they couldnt' fool anyone with the H/W story.
It bothers me because it was a new ring I bought him for our 25th and renewal ceremony. Had it engraved inside with our names, a heart and 25.
Now he will not wear it and has put his old one back on. That was his suggestion by the way. One day after coming home from his last visit with her, he ask me if I would mind him putting original back on. And putting other one away.
I said no, of course not. His excuse was just that he had it on the whole time he was with her and it didn't feel right.
I cannot wear my original as hands are larger, swollen or whatever. I even had to have mine cut off. So he bought me a new one.
However, the new one I had gotten him was meaningful to me! Hurts to know he doesn't want to wear it because of being with her.
The irony of it is the original is the one he had on in first A! But he feels this one was much more serious and hurtful. Probably so as the first one was a fling and scared him to death when I found out. This last one was in serious stage though he denies it. That they were talking freedom to marry each other.
Oh well, some things we'll never know. I just wondered about other WS's view on the ring.
Mine has always worn his even with OW because they knew he was married.
I've seen him really miss it when I've gotten mad and ask him to give it back to me. He can only go a couple days then he's asking for it back. In fact, I've taken mine off a lot! And told him I'll never wear it again. But he talks me into putting it back on usually.
I can only say I wish he'd left the damned thing home! When it was off and I knew he was going away.
It would not have mattered to her one way of another. But it mattered to me. In a way I thought it was significant he didnt' want to leave it off. Even to go to her.
How do I know he left it on? He was in Florida, out in sun a lot. No tan where ring should be. The ring mark was there.
I notice things like that. LOL
Thanks for posting all. God bless, LouLou

my husbands ring has not been off in 17yrs ( he has a large knuckle and it just wont come off)

When the affair came to light I found him in the shed with a hacksaw blade, crying ,fighting his own demons to cut it off. I asked him then why on earth didnt he cut it off a yr ago because I was totally disgusted he had worn it while he was with the OW. And I also asked him if he wanted a hand ( though I dont think he trusted me too much with that job right there and then <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> )

He said to me he could have easily removed it using some bogus excuse about work , but for him it worked like a security blanket. OW he says always knew he loved me and that we were married and that we were staying that way. He was always coming home to me. ( much to ow disgust <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" /> ) Not removing his ring was a way of reinforcing that to the both of them apparently

Either way my rings and his rings are still on, his now has a small cut in it, but it kind of adds to its charactor.

dinotopia, thank you for your post. I sort of feel that is how my WH felt! He could have left it at home, it was already put away in his jewelry box. I was not home when he left a week later,but son told he he had put it back on.
No doubt it was his security blanket too. She knew he was married.
Somehow, it just didn't feel right for him to wear it anymore. It did have a thing to make it fit as the design would have been harmed by resizing it. Maybe someday, but it's nice he treasures the original I suppose.
I know one thing. If we ever buy new ones, he better keep it clean of OW for I'll cut it off myself, along with a few digits. LOL
Thanks again. God bless, LouLou

LadyLou,

I noticed this thread after I replied to your other one. Although this one isn't directed to OW, I think my "ring story" is worth sharing...

When we first met (and for some time thereafter), I noticed that my MM was always fidgeting with his ring, looking at it, spinning it around...it would have been hard for anyone to NOT know he was married!! I attributed it to his nervousness, or maybe even reinforcing the idea to himself that he indeed WAS married???

The second year of our relationship, he injured his hand, so the ring came off while his fingers healed. After being healed for a while, he didn't put the ring back on. I often asked about it (and so did his wife)...he used the story that his finger was still swollen, so he better not wear it. (I took it to mean that he didn't really feel married, so why wear the ring?)

After 8 months of not wearing the ring, it finally appeared back on his finger. When I asked about it he said his wife threatened to throw it away unless he put it back on. He did...and it's been on ever since! It is interesting that now he no longer fidgets with it, or "plays" with it....it's just there.

Just thought I'd share....

DJ