Well,
I a'm DONE!!! with this in sain marrige of mine! Nothing i do or say does a bit of good! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" /> My H is a terrible lier and a very sneaky person. When ever i catch him in a lie all i hear all the time is i did not lie to u, or i do not know what u are talking about. I talk till i a'm blue in the face don't help. We tried counceling but that was a joke <img border="0" alt="[Teary]" title="" src="graemlins/teary.gif" /> all he did was turn things around on me to where he made me look like the one that was causing all the problems, then i got so upset that i could not even tell how i felt. I hate my life, and him. I will not go back ever to counceling again with him and have him put me through that kind of hell.How in the world do u know if by chance he may be telling me the truth when all he does is lie to me about things? Even very petty things he lies, exsample i had went to bed b/f he did b/c it was late and he wanted to get on the computer for awhile well i woke up when he got in bed and turned over and said what time did u come to bed? he stated oh about 1 hour ago. I said oic knowing he just came in see i don't understand the petty lies. I did not confront him about it b/c i knew he would just lie to me. I don't trust him at all, we have been marrige now 5 yrs but lived together 7, and since i have known him he has lied to me. But as i said don't do no good to confront him as he will not confess up to nothing. Just like i know he was looking at porn, i confronted him about it what did he say no i a'm not <img border="0" title="" alt="[Mad]" src="images/icons/mad.gif" /> I have fount pictures in my documents of what looks like webcam pictures of naked women and some allmost nude. <img border="0" alt="[Teary]" title="" src="graemlins/teary.gif" /> I also recived e-mails that are about match.com and when i open them it says on some that he filled out a online form about it.I get about 4 to 5 a day of porn e-mails (HARDCORE) And i have been reciving 4 to 5 a day of the match.com or a e-mails that will say someone is looking for u, I a'm sick of it.My H NEVER NEVER used to stay on the computer alot, as he told me all he does is search things then gets his info then get off. But the last few months he has been staying on the computer all hours of the night, woke up 1 night and he was on the computer at 5am, ask him what in the world he was doing he said coulden't sleep, <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" /> but this has been happening 3 times a week if not more. But what gets me is everytime i walk in on him he is either on e-bay or the gocarts forum <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" /> I don't understand how in the world someone can stay up all hours of the night just looking at that! Now a long time ago i did show him how to delete some items in the history, maybe what he is doing is deleteing items he does not want me to see and leave the rest in there thinking i would only see e-bay and gocart forums and not think nothing about it. b/c he knows a long time ago i used to snoop on him, and look in the history. Now i know when i walk in on him in the middle of the night as i said i never see him looking at nothing unusuall but.... he may hear me walk in and then x out who knows.B/c my floors do make noise when i walk on them. I just do not know what to do, have tried everything. <img border="0" alt="[Teary]" title="" src="graemlins/teary.gif" />

bump ... thoughts?

Do you know why you married this man? Have you learned some things about yourself, and what your weaknesses are in relationships?

Make this about you bettering yourself. You'll get further along faster .... if you focus on what a creep he is, you cannot change those things about yourself that you need to pay attention to.

Good luck.

<small>[ February 04, 2003, 03:50 PM: Message edited by: Pepperband ]</small>

I agree with Pepper. I would think that going to a counselor on your own could be very bennificial to you in understanding what happened in this M and why you chose him when he was already lying.

I feel that unless we can learn from our mistakes we will continue making them since we do not know any better.

Please keep posting!
STTSI

in the dark - I would agree that you need to go to counseling and find out why you are still in love with this man. And maybe through this love, you could make the marriage work, or maybe it will end. You are in need of emotional and personal growth. I have been in your position for so long, and I am now in growth with 2 counselors, a group session starting this week for 12 weeks. I am also in massomassology, and another chiropractor/pain med Dr., and physical therapy. I spend most of my days, at counselors or doctors of some sort. Believe me this is not fun, but it is necessary for me.

You have to work on yourself and only yourself. I went awaay this weekend to spend time with a friend of mine, a single woman. She is having surgery and just moved. To help her organize.

Anyways, I was going to make chili for my grown kids, but I said, to heck with it. They are old enough to make their own food, take care of their own stuff, and get anything they want. If they want take out dinner, ask dad for the money. He lives elsewhere.

In counseling, I found that I have been giving and giving all these years to 4 kids, a husband, a business, and now I am getting dumped and nothing to show for it.

So I am working on myself, and if I don't get something done around here, so what. It is about time I take time for myself. One day a week I am going to not do anything elsewhere, and just do for myself. Only myself, and not have the interference of my kids, or husband wanting me to answer the phone.

You have to look at yourself. You need counseling to find you. That is what I am doing to find myself now. Look in the mirror, and say you are a good woman, a lovely woman, a caring woman. Look at yourself and repeat this over and over. I had to do this for 2 1/2 weeks. I didn't see myself as a good woman, my husband has repeadedly told me how bad I was, how I was not worth being married to, how the otehr woman was just wonderful, how my kids will testify that I was not a good mother, etc. etc. Well, let him shoot his mouth off, let him do whatever he wants. I know that I am a good person, and one day they will wake up to the real truth.

So work on yourself, give up on the marriage, persay, and work on yourself. Be nice to him, but not a doormat. You are a lovely person, keep that in your head.

In the dark,

I am sorry for your distress, but at least you know what you are dealing with. You won't ever change him so I guess it comes down to acceptance of your H just how he is. You can't marry a carrot and then complain endlessly because he's orange, that makes no sense.

Can you accept him how he is?