While there are no guarantees that your xWW will ever become the woman she was, leaving her to her choices in life will be a very sobering lesson which hopefully she'll take advantage of to become a much better person than she is at this moment. You may never become friends with her but that doesn't mean you can't treat her with respect and kindness (she is afterall the mother of your son).

Tommaz is right when he says that actions speak louder than words. A person with the desire to achieve something, will work his/her tail off to get it, and this includes a WS that wants to rebuild his/her M.

I still would get definitive advice from Steve as to which way to go.

The only danger of Plan B is that now you're divorced your W could think that you'll never forgive her.

Still, in her case, I think in your lunch you did make it clear that you were open to reconcile. Maybe the best thing to do is to maintain Plan B until OM is out of her life. The phone call from the bar just sounds like she expects you to accept this behavior.

I DON'T GET IT! I can't imagine doing the kind of things she's doing, risking losing you forever- doesn't make sense to me.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I DON'T GET IT! I can't imagine doing the kind of things she's doing, risking losing you forever- doesn't make sense to me.</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">NOBODY GETS IT! the craziest thing ever to happen to me and the craziest thing she's ever done. i can imagine her doing this if i was beating her daily, but i NEVER touched her.

she 'seemed' happy 1 week prior to the A. she 'seemed' like the happiest gal in the world. we just moved into HER dream home, and mine!

WTF is going on here?! THAT'S what everybody else says too!

maybe she never did love me?

maybe she was waiting for someone else?

her sister just had an A and maybe that excited her? that made her think it was ok?

she goes from luxury to trailer park living. (well she's in an apartment now, but S says she is going to cash IRA to fix a handy man trailer)

she goes from a guy that provides for her well to HER providing for a bum.

she goes from non-drinking to drinking daily and even getting a DUI.

she spends thousands of dollars, and i mean thousands, in a very short period.

she's doing drugs, although she will not admit it.

from a 5000 sq ft home to a 600 sq ft apartment (with the 'handy man' trailer as her new dream with OM).

from being a dependant to being a provider, on a waitress earnings.

from top health insurance to none. (and she needs an operation soon)

WTF is going on here?

sorry for the ramble.

I'll be back!

Jack

So sorry it's come to this...but I'm glad the divorce is final and you've protected your business and your rights.

From what you've written the last two days, it does seem as if she is seeing life in the light of day, and the fuzziness of fantasy and "something new and different" is showing signs of clay feet and reality.

IF...at some point in the future YOU decide that you're willing to maybe see if the two of you can put your family back together again...Great. It does happen and it can happen successfully. My mom and dad remarried after a divorce. And they made a very good rebuilding of their marriage.

Good Luck!

Jack my advice is to stop trying to figure out the reasons for your wife's actions. She is on another world in which there are no rules. That is why you need to go to Plan B and stop wondering what she is doing and with whom. Focus on your needs and do things that make you happy. My advice is to move on with your life as if your wife is not coming back. Otherwise you will stay in limbo. Go out and have fun.

"Jack my advice is to stop trying to figure out the reasons for your wife's actions. She is on another world in which there are no rules. "

Tommaz is exactly right. You've learned from your past mistakes with contact so put a strict Plan B in place and see what happens. IMO, she'll be contacting\visiting you soon. The key thing for you will be verifying that contact with the OP has ended. I know the finality of the situation is tough Jack but hang in there and know we're with you! Good luck and god bless...

Jack, I guess the answer that your wife is literally having a nervous breakdown. Call it mid life crisis but it is a version of insanity. No doubt her sister having an affair was a bad role model for her. Women talk about their romances- maybe it enhanced your wife's feelings that something was missing.

My sis (divorced) has a new man in her life (hopefully THE ONE) and she's always telling me about the fabulously romantic stuff he does for her. Stuff like poem writing, compliments, flowers- stuff my dear H of 16 years in no longer in the habit of doing for me, though he makes his efforts in his own way. Since we've already been through the trauma of an A, I'm not about to look for that kind of thing from another man. I am also a big girl who knows how ephemeral that stuff can be. But I will say that hearing my sister's stories isn't always easy. If I didn't know how destructive A's are, I could be influenced to look for that excitement and romance from someone besides my H. I'm also a very loyal and responsible person.

What is your W's relationship with her sis like? How is sis reacting to what W is doing?

jack:

I agree with espoir on this one. Your xWW's behavior is so whacked-out on a limb that I'd be worried she's losing it. But there's nothing you can do for her. By DV you, she's very firmly made that point. She's going to have to save herself. I suppose the good news in all this, if it can be thought of that way, is this is such an extreme change that the fantasy will only not last long, it will be blatantly obvious that it was a fantasy when the fog finally clears.

My W has said there were a couple of times when she felt she had truly lost her mind during the A. Trouble is she has blamed those times on me, not looking inward for answers to her problems. But we're doing better, and I think your W will too, someday. She needs to figure it out for herself, though, just like my W does.

-Qfwfq