My wife two year long affair with OM # 1 is over, but she is with OW #2. Can we save our marriage? We are together for 15 years and we have on daughter.She is 10 years old. Please we need help?
We don’ t have any legal sepparation yet… We are still married.

“How is your M before A ?, any good happy memory ?, basically what is your M history ?. Any insight on what she complaint about leading to A ? ... any ENs ignored ? ... do you have A prior to hers ?. Any childhood or family problems that attributed to her behavior ?. Even we are in 22nd Century, woman are not likely to be come philanderer ... specially with offspring, it is not as common as men. Who took care of your D ? ... living with them for the past 2 years+ ?”

Our marriage was pretty good. We never fought each other. I take care of all the bills and mortgage. We always went out together. We went to Florida many times and Brazil. We enjoyed each other very much. I was so happy.But in the last two years I bought a computer and spent many hours on line(My mistakes) and she started complaining about it, but I didn’t care ,because I was too busy. I did ignore her needs completely. No, I did not have any Affair prior to hear.

“What have you done in 2 years of their R ? ... why do you want your WW back after 2 years and 2 men ? ....”
When I found out about her affair I kicked her out of the house and she took my daughter to live with OM #1. I want her back,because I read SAA and HNHN and I know what I did wrong.. I love her and I hope that she give me one chance.

“This is what you need to recollect ... you have to show care to her, this is one of her need ... now be specific about what she said that you do to show not caring ?. This is one of the basis of your plan A !!!, you have to show changes and capable of changed. After that think again what else she complaint about you .... detail, detail ... I would make a note with a heading of "not caring" then have two columns, one side what she said about it and one side what you do to show changes, actions, actions and actions !!!!.”

She complained about many hours I spent on line. And when my daughter was born she started complaining that I was giving all my love and affection to my daugther. Sometimes I did not bring her flowers on her birthday she always complainded about that. And I did not give a kiss in the morning or afternoon….

"WE BOTH MADE MISTAKES" SHE SAID TO ME YESTERDAY....

She asked to be her friend.. What does it mean?
I have been talking with my wife on the phone and I tell her all the time how much I love her,but she did not give up OM and she always tells me tha I can love her as a friend. I'm losing all my hopes. I did send her a Plan A letter. How long do I have to wait? Please , I need help.

We get along very well when we talked, but when we changed the subject to our relantionship,she always tells me she will never be with me again ou come back home and tells me that our daughter will get over it..What can I do? She likes my attention...

Hi LH,

Your W is showing her selfish side even when it comes to your daughter. Does that bother you?

When a parent acts that way it sets up warning signs to many. It should for you also. If you really love your W and want her to be a sucessful W and mother, then you need to show that you do not condone her selfish acts.

What does this mean? Please read the book his needs/her needs and the book love must be tough. The later is by Dr James Dobson.

IMHO, tough love is important now. She appears to be testing your boundaries and the more she can get away with she will. It will only wear you out until you have nothing left to give.

Though you may feel like you are at your wits end, you still have some life and love in your heart. Protect it. Read up on tough love, meet with your MC, Steve or Jennifer. Read up on plan B. Then take a long hard look at the woman with you now vs the one you married.

The safety and happines of all 3 of you depends on what you allow. Remember that right now the WS does NOT care about the BS and family. It will show in various ways.

JMHO,
L.

Dear Orchid!

What do you mean by "Tough Love"? Please, can you explain it to me? I really need your help?

tough love is a book, by dobson. i read it pertaining to my 13 yr old son. it really helps with bounderies.

Adding the Tough Love approach to My Plan A has really worked for me. At least, I feel much better about myself, conveying that makes the WS treat you better and respect you.