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Joined: Jun 2002
Posts: 247
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Joined: Jun 2002
Posts: 247 |
Kudos to WAT for his insightfull and accurate guidelines.
You want the affair to end? Get away from it. In my case I have felt I both enabled the affair and acted has a magnet for blame when the affairees encountered difficulties. Easier to blame me than themselves.
Getting close to year 2 from the start of the PA and 9 months after D.
My XW no contacted me when I phoned her about some legal leftovers, but within the hour she called me. She started off a little offensive, but I guess she just wanted somebody to talk to. There is a big difference between a husband/father and a lover. I guess she is finding out a 36 year old never married bachelor isn't planning on helping to take care of a 12, 13 & 14 year old. They only have them part-time so I guess the OM thought he'd just let her handle everything when they've got them.
Damn skippy the OM is a great guy and friend when he has no responsibilities or obligations!
At one time my XW and I had a great M. The kind people dream of. We tossed it out the window and didn't realise what we had until it was gone. We both agree on this statement.
It is a sad state of affairs. No pun intended. We both love each other still, we both have moved-on, we both want each other to fail in our new R's, we both want each other to be happy and neither of us will reconcile.
Pretty screwed up! I am happy with my life and myself. It just takes some getting used to. Just a few months ago I never thought the nightmare would end!
The is hope and a future. Sometimes with your S or XS and sometimes with someone else. When you can stand on your own two feet you can be in an R with someone. Until then forget it!
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Joined: Sep 2000
Posts: 10,060
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Joined: Sep 2000
Posts: 10,060 |
MOWL - I'm glad you found some worthiness in the guidelines. In hindsight, pretty much common sense, huh?
Please keep the kids as a top priority. They will learn from everything you do.
Good luck,
WAT
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Joined: Dec 2002
Posts: 1,421
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Joined: Dec 2002
Posts: 1,421 |
MOWL:
Congratulations, grasshopper, on all but this one statement:
"We both love each other still, we both have moved-on, we both want each other to fail in our new R's, we both want each other to be happy and neither of us will reconcile."
If you truly love each other, you won't "want each other to fail in [your] new Rs". That's spite or resentment, plain and simple. It will eat you alive so long as you hold onto it.
Let it go, MOWL.
-ol' Qfwfq
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