Eric FINALLY wanted to talk to his grandparents tonight (H's parents). That was quite a feat in itself, so I called right away, and hadn't thought of planning for it for me.

MIL answered the phone (I used *67 to block my phone number), and I said, "Hi, it's Karen. Eric wanted to talk to you guys, so here he is". I then passed the phone over to him. When he was done, he gave the phone back to me, and stupid me, started talking to my MIL.

I told her that she should be receiving an email from me in the next couple of weeks, with my new address and phone number... that once the interim custody is in place, then contact will be safe.

I mentioned to her that H will be served with papers (for support, custody, divorce, etc) shortly, assuming he's still working where he was before. Then I flat out asked her, "Is he still working there?". She told me that she didn't know. So, without her saying so, I believe that she has disowned her son. January 3rd is when he was arrested, and she also said it sure wasn't her that posted the money for his bail. Obvious (?) conclusion: she has had nothing more to do with H.

Then the conversation turned bad. She told me that she's upset because she's not able to see her grandkids. This woman knows quite well WHY that is... it's for safety reasons, since her and her H (FIL) have been enabling their son, and I cannot trust that they won't share where we are right now. But that when the custody is in order, things will be different.

AUGGGHHHH!!! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Mad]" src="images/icons/mad.gif" /> I was so upset with her!! The "woe is me, I can't see my grandkids" she was putting on me is terrible! I'm a guilt ridden person as is (self esteem issues... I'm working on 'em gang! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" /> ). When I started reminding her of the reasons for the laying low right now, she flat out told me, "I don't want to talk about this with you". My response, "Fine". CLICK!

This woman obviously has a VERY short memory. It was ME who tried to arrange visitation for them with the boys just before xmas... but they were TOO BUSY to make time to come over... It was ME who suggested they call whenever they wanted to, when the boys and I moved back into our old house... but they never called.... and it was ME who suggested that they come by the old house to give their xmas gifts to the boys in person.. but instead, they just left the packages in the house (when FIL helped H move out the day before we moved back in).

I should have known better than to call!!! AUGHHH!!! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Mad]" src="images/icons/mad.gif" /> This is really tough. It really is. My life right now, is my boys, and getting everything finished, as far as the court issues go. I really don't have much else to talk about at present. I want my boys to have time with ALL of their grandparents... but the wounds are still so fresh. At this point, I really wonder if they'll ever heal. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" />

I guess it's back to "Plan Bing" my in laws. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" />

Thanks for "listening" to my vent. I'm feeling a bit better now.

Karen

One more thing to vent out:

Would this woman rather that I had shared the whole truth??? I doubt it. The whole truth is, that her grandchild, Eric, gets asked whether or not he would like to call H's parents once or twice a WEEK! And tonight was the FIRST time he said, "Yes!" since we've been in our new house! (we moved in on January 15th).

AUGHH!!!! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Mad]" src="images/icons/mad.gif" />

She just really really REALLY pisses me off!!!

Karen

{{{{{Karen}}}}}

I know exactly how you feel. No matter how much good you try to do you get treated that way. I believe after all is said and done what you have done will be rewarded. I don't know how old your son is but he will learn from this and you are setting the right example. Perhaps our ILs treat us that way because, like the WS, they feel guilty about all this and wish to wash their hands of the whole thing.

Be well.

utterlyconfused:

Thank you for your reply. I had written a fairly decent response... and then lost it! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" /> I hate it when that happens <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" /> .

Anyways... yes! I think you may have an excellent point about the guilt that my IL's may be feeling over the whole situation. I wish I could educate them more about it all, but just like a typical WS, they are deep in denial about it all. The fact that my H is a SA (sex addict) makes it all different, in the fact that yes, even though my IL's did enable him for so long, it really wasn't their fault that H chose the path he did.

My son Eric will be 4 yrs old in May. I will continue to call his grandparents any time he wants to talk to them. I refuse to be the one who gets in the way of any chance of a relationship with them. I'll let them screw up all on their own. My plan is to send them an email with my addy and phone number once the interim custody is set. Then the ball is in their court.

It's going to feel like a L - O - N - G couple of weeks. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" />

Karen

hey karen-you are doing what is right for your children. thats all that matters. the heck with what they feel-you are not gonna change that.

they have their own issues and guilt, you have enough to worry about-let them make their own mistakes.

do what is best for you and the kids-worry about everyone else last! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

nikko: Thanks for putting a smile on my face - again! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> You're awesome hon! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

And another vent...hehehe... I really need to get this out of my system, before I call MIL and tell HER what's on my mind (okay... so I'm in a "mood" today... sue me! LOL).

I wonder if MIL actually knows how she enabled H? When I mentioned that word to her last night, her automatic response was, "Well, we enabled you for too long too". <img border="0" title="" alt="[Confused]" src="images/icons/confused.gif" /> Hmmmm... I've been thinking that one over.

How in the heck did they enable ME??? I'm really having trouble with this one. And part of me wants to call her up and ask her exactly how they did that? But I know better... what's the point of rocking a boat that's already been sunk, eh? <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" />

Okay.. so they enabled H by giving him money when he needed it, they've helped him with his moves, and they've never told him that they know all about his lies. How the heck did they enable ME in all of this???

Hmmm... if she's thinking that it's b/c I was with her son, therefore I'm part of the package, then I can see that. Those are the EXACT same reasons that I haven't let them know where the boys and I are right now. HER H has been helping out H, and since she's married to him, she must also pay the price for his actions? I dunno. I'm just rambling here... hoping to get it out of my system and move on.

I just have such little patience for people who just don't "get it". I've been around them for far too long now.... and I'm tired of it.

OH! I talked to Eric today about his talk yesterday with his grandma and grampa. He said it made him happy to talk to them. I'm glad for that. He also said to me, "it made you mad to talk to grandma". I've tried to explain to him that I'll be okay, and that anytime he wants to talk to them, to let me know, so we can call them. AND, I promise not to talk to them, b/c it gets me upset. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" /> The next move is to PROVE that to him by my ACTIONS, the next time we call there. I'll do fine... I know it. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

Karen

karen,

You know what you have to do. That is utterly great! As you said, now you have to put it into action. Of course they enabled you for so long, for every single thing I told my MIL my W has the done the last 10 months, she came back with a "yes, but you..." fill in the blank. Nobody likes to be told they did wrong not even by association.

What if I were to tell you that Eric is doing this or that, more than likely you would defend him however you can. Now, I'm not taking your ILs or my IL's side. I am just illustrating that blood is thicker than water. My ILs have enabled my W for so long, it makes me sick. How can they wish this on their D? How can they wish this on my S, their grandson? I just don't get it. My W is a very persuasive person but still they know their D and there is no excuse for enabling her A.

Be true to your kids and show them what respect really is. Love them (I don't have to tell you that). I admire you that in spite of the situation you are encouraging your son to talk to his grandparents.

Be well and take care.

look like you are getting on with your life and that is good but the kids need to see and hear from there grandparents it is not there problem that u and you ex are not on the same wave, but the kid should hear from than all the time.not just whan there ask,but that is how i see it bc my kids get to see there grandparents all the time,And I have no feeling for than no more and the son is the hole problem with me and the kids but I am only 25 with 3 kids and no one to go to .
See I wish I had the strong to go on with the divorce and full custody of my kids whan he is good to them all he does is wacth child porm. I knoewthat it is no good but how can I stop him.

But you I look up to for the strong to go on with my life .

thank looking for you 2223