My apologies for a quick post that wasn't well thought out. I have edited my post... though, I'm sure the cow's out of the barn.

I do feel that the feelings PAW wrote about are VERY HARD for BS... especially NEW BS to swallow... I think we tend to YELL @ the Wanderer and not understand COMPASSIONATELY where they are... thus, perhaps it was the TITLE of the post that could have been amended.

HOWEVER, I also should NOT have posted the link, as it was also hurtful to new BSs. Unfortunately, I left MB right after posting and did not log on again until this morning. If I had read the responses yesterday... I'm sure I would have edited sooner.

It was a spontaneous post. And you know what happens then... insert foot to elbow.

I have sat and pondered and prayed about it...

I tried to explain in my second post and didn't do a good job there either.

So public apology time.

Cali

Cali,
I really don't think you should apologize, we all know you for petesakes and know that you would not intentionally do anything to hurt anyone, I think you made a good suggestion that PAW visit that web site, because she should read all sides of the issue and make choices for herself, she is hurting because her MM went on his way to rebuild his marriage and she can get good info on both sites, now unless I'm missing more to this as I have not been on lately, I think anyone that knows you .....knows the person you are, JMHO

I personally don't think that was what got me. I was feeling empathy for paw, because my WW is still pining for RM after a year and a half of not having seen him (he still consults for her, though, so they do "talk" via email at least still). I saw her post as an opportunity to help someone that's truly confused, and maybe in the process see some insightful post that I might be able to "use" to help my W out. (but when I thought Pepper's post might be useful, I got hit with that 2x4 again! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" /> ).

This stuff is hard, no 2ways about it.
-ol' Qfwfq

THANK YOU for knowing my heart.

I just wasn't THINKING about OTHERS (new BS) that might read and go there and be hurt. duh.

Cali

Q,
Read my post on PAW's post.....k? I know what you meant, that is why I just posted there, watch the clubbings begin, but I can take it.. I just thought it needed to be said...

Neesha:

Yes, you're right. I don't think you'll get bashed for that, either.

I was tempted to quote your statement about real love versus infatuation and send that to my WW, but I know that would not be received well. I could probably tell her that KIND of thing in person, as part of my "opening up" thang, though.

I continue to feel that this is so hard it's ridiculous. To have a hard time telling my W that I love her, that she IS loveable, and that she CAN get over her OM, is the most painful thing I'm facing right now. I guess that's what got me awake crying this morning.

It's like: NOT being open and honest about how I feel is a LB, but being open and honest about how I feel is a LB (unless I really smooth it over first)! AAAAaaaahhhhh

regards,
-ol' Qfwfq

Cali-

I was the first person to respond and by no means was I serious by what I said to you.

I went there and spent about 15 minutes due to my own morbid curiosity, it was similar to a train wreck for me in that I couldn't take my eyes off of some of those pathetic people and the glee in which they live their dysfunctional lives.

Regardless, I don't hold you responsible nor am I angry in the least. It's the internet, there is something for everyone, that site is just a particularly painful one for anyone that is/was going through what we BS are going through.

Big hugs, Cali.

I echo the same .... we all know your heart is in the right place, and are well loved for that very reason.

Jo

Hiya Cali!

I'm sure you posted a link to the glory girls (I didn't see the link). Personally I think it's a good idea and would have done the same thing.

Past all of the scream, yelling and hateful posts from some BS's. THAT SITE IS HELPFUL.

I used to think my situation was soooo unique. I went to gb and I was like "holy sh-t MM doesn't even have the brain to be original". That site REALLY "keeps it real".

I read the site and thought I could have this life if I want to, but I don't want to.

Good lookin out Cali!

sad,
I saw your funny face at the end of your post, I think Cali is reading the not "funny face" ending ones and blaming herself and she should know that she did not do anything wrong, when I fist came here, I thought gloryb was a prayer site!!! How naive of me... lol. Then I went there, and saw the pain, and also saw the crap, but I always want to think that people will take what they need and leave and what does not apply, ignore it.

Q,
My heart hurts for you buddy, as you know that already.. I know it seems perfectly logical and normal that we should be able to say "how we feel", but Nooooo, it would be a LB, or scares them, pressures them. Sheesh makes ya think, "I don't ever remember in my whole life having to think of every single thing I do or say as being life altering".....does that make sense to you? I know it's enough to make anyone's head spin. Take Care, I'm there for ya!!!

Cali, I hope you are not still beating yourself up, sheeshhhh, isn't there enough people in your real life that want to do that?? <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

Neesha:

Makes perfect sense to me. I deal with it every waking moment of every day.

-Qfwfq

Cali,

I spend most of my time over on the pregnancy/child forum because....well that is where the whirlwind of my H's affair landed us. However, I have followed your story for years and through all your name changes. I could tell you what you do for a living, roughly where you live, kids, H, all of it. I admire you and your strength and grace. I just thought you were having a bad day, that something PAW said was a trigger for you, and well...not much else. I just thought it was bad advice, not that you were a bad person. I have seen your wisdom shine through in far too many posts to ever think that. Same goes for K.

Peace,
MJ

sad... wasn't sure... but I thought that was what I was reading in your post... thanks...

Resilient! Miss you... Thanks!

KatieScarlett! Yeah... My heart was there... I just know a couple of the girls would give tea, sympathy and THEN, a few good knocks...

MaryJanes... It was YOUR post which gave me pause... what would Steve & Jennifer say? I think PAWs post hit me wrong in that I could FEEL a WS bashing starting... I should have taken more time before I posted... it was an off-the-cuff thing...

Cali

nice apology Cali...

You have given so much to people here...as well as having been brutally honest over there on the "dark side" <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

maryjanes sentiments were good..and in reality really made me think as well..as in initially thought nothing of your advice except having known/read that you have found some peace through the other site... and was offering it as you saw it....
and if nothing else the Harleys are by nature HUGE proponents on forgiveness...

We posters must take care as well to be willing to offer that same forgiveness to eachother at times when we "offend" (as in the eye of the beholder)..for if we can not "forgive" in cyberspace...might as well hang up the wedding rings as well...

ARK

Cali, You did just fine with what you posted and with the link.It was sweet of you to apologize but you do not owe it.

The first time I went to the Gloryb site,I thought I would vomit,hyperventilate and crap my pants all at the same time.Kinda like having the gastro flu flung on me suddenly. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" />

That was much earlier in our recovery.I,now, go there and read sometimes out of curiosity. There is an occasional OW/OM that is an exception but as a general rule I actually laugh at times at some of the ignorance(ignorant people can learn,they just haven't been taught.)lack of tact,sleezyness(?is that a word),boldness and sometimes stupidity(stupid people cannot be taught.),that many of the ones post for all the world to read.
It also helped me see that the OW that was in my H's life is just one of the "same box,different wrapper" types.If she was any kind of person who deserves to have something nice said about her,I would say it but after her calls,blatant show of stupidity,self absorbtion,gold digging capibilities,total absence of morals,decency or respect,as well as the fact that she is a mental case who threatened to burn our house down with us in it,I can say no more.I did not say an unkind word to her.I kept my dignity,my cool and my husband. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> I needed to vent there a little.Sorry to get off base. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" />

It was also quite enlightening for my FWS to read some of the posts there.I found a couple that sounded just like the FOW.He got kinda green around the edges,too.She was not boo hooing and crying.She was livid and vengful. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Mad]" src="images/icons/mad.gif" /> Just like in her phone calls.A sore loser who betrayed his trust by telling me more than H ever imagined she would tell. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" />

Now,Katie Scarlet is another story. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" /> She is not the typical OW in my opinion.Her statement... </font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I used to think my situation was soooo unique. I went to gb and I was like "holy sh-t MM doesn't even have the brain to be original". That site REALLY "keeps it real".
</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">...... lets us know that she has a brain,a conscience and a heart and is using them. She messed up,admitted it,is doing a lot to better herself and opened her eyes and heart to doing the good things by making amends and by sharing a lot with all of us.She is the way we wish all OW's would turn out to be.I have intended to tell HER but have not done so.I love to read her posts.I am proud of you Katie Scarlet! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

Cali,if anyone was actually offended,which I don't think they were,there will be a time when they will be glad that you passed the info on to them.I know.I found out about the Gloryb site on MBer's from a previous post.I love your tender heart and concern for others.Don't let go of that.It is a gift from above. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Cool]" src="images/icons/cool.gif" /> KK

<small>[ February 13, 2003, 05:25 PM: Message edited by: kings kid ]</small>

(*(*(*(* CALI *)*)*)*)

You're a good woman. Everyone knows that's a fact!

Cali,

Is all this because you posted the GloryB link? Awhh..... that's nothin' compared to what we used to read and the beatings we used to get here a couple of years ago....remember?

So for those of you that need to know, our Cali is one great poster that has the ability to show empathy regardless of one's background.

As a teacher by trade she helps us see the need to see both sides for learning purposes in an effort to NOT develope bad habits. You don't have to touch the fire to know it burns.

Some learn and some burn.... it is up to us how we take it.

I read the other thread, PAW like many others has a lot to learn. How she chooses to use that info will depend on her. Of course the consquences is hers also.

Yes, many of us know that WS and even OPs go through withdrawal. Heck, even BS go through withdrawal (all that freedom and then those WS want to come back - LOL!!). But this is a live and learn place.

This past year has not been one with as much discussion as in the past. Mostly people posting their individual stories but not too many indepth discussions. That is where I learned a lot. In fact it even prompted me to go back and read some posts from previous years.

As for the comment about newbies posting and dropping off. Well there is some truth to it. I personally try to visit the JFO and Plan A/B sites a few times a week but it is hard to keep up with all 3 areas. I don't even visit the recovery site as much. Just way too busy.

So can you others help???? This is a group place and it will take group effort. No guarantees here. We all have our own responsibilities while balancing MB time.

Cali, U R still ok in my books. Vent as needed. ok? <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by Neesha:
<strong>.... when I fist came here, I thought gloryb was a prayer site!!! How naive of me... lol. Then I went there, and saw the pain, and also saw the crap, but I always want to think that people will take what they need and leave and what does not apply, ignore it. ............
</strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Neesha, I loved your quip here. Your reaction is an innocent one...... wish we could keep it that way but some of our life's experiences tend to harden us as we get older.

Let me share one of my stories with you. When I was about 8 years old, I used to see a sign that said "Jesus Saves"....... I had been learned about $$ in school (banks, credit unions, S& Ls, etc.) .....I thought it was a Savings and Loan. I asked my mom, why did they name a bank after Jesus? LOL!!!! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

Neesha, I have been reading your posts also and appreciate when you help others. Keep up good work.

take care,
L.

I posted to the without-a-doubt post, too...

...THANKS to you all...

I posted an apology because I felt one was due... I took no offense and meant no offense by my post... the great thing about coming to know people--even in cyberspace--is that criticism happens.

What do we do with confrontation and criticism? I could have chosen defensiveness (and my second post started that way...)...

Or, we can think, ponder, pray about it. I heard some GOOD solid CONSTRUCTIVE comments about what I posted.

I believe that God gives us a chance, through others, to RETHINK what we have done and to go a different direction. And, sometimes, we do need to apologize... we do need to EXPAND on what we did/said or WHY...

Those of you who have posted such warm and wonderful things about me... well, you make me feel so blessed.

Cali

Cali, Looks like this has turned out to be a blessing in diguise for you. So many wonderful things said to and about you,sweet lady.It's just the good Lord's way of letting you know how much you are loved,respected and appreciated.I am pleased to get to know you. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

BTW.The whole point of my previous post was to let you know that you actually helped by posting the link.As I said,the first time was a shock for me several months ago but the more I recover,the more different the site looks.The others will get there,too.I don't think they meant that you had done something wrong.It's kind of like when you start to wipe a "bugger" on your best buddy and they go "awe,why'd you go do somethin' like that for?" <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" /> Just want to make you smile.

God works in wonderous ways,Cali.He sends all types of folks into our lives to keep it interesting and on our toes.Mainly on our knees.

I am gonna pray for the ones that got so fired up defending you like you was being abused or sumthin'.I shore do want to be your friend cause if'n I say somthin'that they take wrong I can tell em that Cali told me to say it and I'll be safe. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

Seriously,you have not done anything wrong.You showed true Christlike concern for PAW.

Ya even told her whar the outhouse wuz! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Cool]" src="images/icons/cool.gif" /> Keep posting.We need you.

Cali---

You need not apologize...

We are all adults here and, while difficult, the glory gals site is one we should all be able to take or leave...I think it is good for us to know it exists...it's all part of this process, ya know?

I'll leave it to the glory gals, BTW.

You are still the queen, sweetie... <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Cool]" src="images/icons/cool.gif" />

I hope this finds you well and still enjoying your new home.

Take care

E