Today 18yoD stopped by briefly between classes and looking for a job. I had CNN on and the Clara Harris report came on.

My daughter went off on about what she would do *IF* she ever caught future hubby cheating on her. (the last prospect and her broke up in August and it has been almost her undoing -- no I don't want her marrying until atleast 21, but she follows courtship rules)

I felt my face go ashen.. and gave a weak smile and said nothing.

I know the high opinion and reguard she has for her step father -- and I know how I feel about my Dad after learning about his 8 year affair which ended about 8 years ago.

My Dad is not the man I feel I can go to with moral issues and ethical questions ... and he was not the person I went to or sought out after d-day when I needed an important and repected man in my to tell me that I was beautiful and capable and wonderful -- afirmation that I most needed at that time (I didn't go to anyone for that kind of support).

I have worked very hard to keep this from the kids, and myself have only told 2 people (a friend and my sister)

There were several reasons, among them to protect H and make it easier for him to recover, to keep the children from feeling for their dad as I feel about mine

... and I pray, for the sake of my children and their feelings and their relationship to their dad (for 2 it's step dad) that they never find out.

I'm also praying that this issue doesn't come up this weekend in front of FWH -- for I'm not sure how he or I would react and what we would feel deep inside.

<small>[ February 13, 2003, 03:53 PM: Message edited by: way2complicted2 ]</small>