Coffeeman-

Hey thanks for your advise. WW & I have counselling with Steve Harley in about an hour. But she hasn't even seemed like she gives a SH^&t about this opportunity.

She tells me she is unhappy with the choices she has made, we get counselling set up by her idea, then she withdraws completely.

On top of this her mother is so rude, cold and mean to me. I don't know what I did to her?

Why would MIL be so mean, if WW & I were going to counselling?

I guess I don't have much hope that WW will respond in any type of way today.

She tells me things like "If we are going to make it, we need to move FAR from here." Which to me is a selfish demand. I want to follow POJA, but she will NOT DICTATE the terms of a reconsilliation.

Thanks

Rly

Well. WW talked to Steve today. The phone call lasted about an 1 hour and 15 minutes.

1 hour of which was a private session with Steve.

Steve talked to me and felt is was very productive. (That is if she told the truth) about everything. Lately she has really tried minimizing her "A"

She keeps saying "I look like a fool to everyone in town...they all think I fell in love with OM."

Well if she wasn't why did she say:
> I need to get over him before I can be with you
> I wanted it to be "real"
> I miss him
> Wrote him "I need you"

She keeps trying to sweep that under the rug. I am sure or at least I hope she expressed her true feelings of the environment Pre-A. I sure would
like to know what I was doing wrong.

The things that upsets me the most is she didn't call me to talk about how her talk with Steve went. That makes me feel kind of like she doesn't care etc...Your thoughts please.

Rly

Sorry it was WW on the phone w Steve most of the time...in case I wasn't clear

Ok. Finally talked to WW.

She said it was "interesting" in a smug sort of way. She said now she doesn't feel so guilty.

WTF does that mean? I don't want her to feel guilt, but it sure would be nice if she knew or had enough common sense to know that A's aren't OK!

I know Steve isn't going to shake a finger at her but come on. "Interesting" "I don't feel guilty anymore."

Is this FOG talk still. How on earth can she come out of a MB counselling session feeling like she was justified?

Hi all.

Good Morning. Just looking for a little input

Thanks Everyone

Oh yeah your WW's brain is still very foggy.

I am a beleiver in the saying 'actions speak louder than words' and I'd like to recommend to you not to get hung up on what she says because it will be her actions that will speak her true intentions the loudest. So for your own peace of mind, please don't take every word that comes out of her mouth as the gospel truth because it isn't and she'll say the opposite the following day and deny till she's blue in the face that she ever said it. You'll only end up singing the MB BS's song in my sig bellow.

<small>[ February 25, 2003, 10:31 AM: Message edited by: CoffeeMan ]</small>

Yesterday WW calls me and blasts me about things I have done in our marriage that made her fall out of love. Some are very legitimate issues, that I don't even know I do. I said I am sorry, but when ever I mention some things that bring me pain and unhappiness she just says "You are critical"

She really tries to minimize the effect the A had on our marriage and how much it strained it. If she was that unhappy whu didn't she just get out? Why did she have to do these things behind my back? Why does she minimize the A so much? Why can't she see that the relationship and the "double life" strained our marriage to its core.

Rly

I have a serious question:

Why is it that Wayward Spouses always seem to think that they can point out all of your shortcomings, about why they had an A, why they choose not to work on the relationship, give you threats & demands on what it would take to have the wonderful priveledge to be married to their deceitful, dishonest, hateful a#@$ss

Then when you so much as point out a few issues in your marriage that you are not happy with (besides infedelity)...You are "ripping their [censored]"
You are "critical"

Bafeling

Please help

It their way of trying to shift the responsibility for the choices they made that led to their A, from themselves on to their BS's. Why? Because nobody wants to be the bad guy (or girl) in any situation, and that includes marriage. In other words, it's an automatic defense mechanism.

The next time you talk to her, you might want to think about telling her she is right and that because you have been such a bad H, you will give her the freedom to find happiness with someone else thru a divorce. Now why on earth would you tell her this? because the more you try to let her know the truth about her responsibility for the choice of having an A, the more she will defend herself and try to transfer the blame for the state of the marriage, on to you. But if you decide not to defend yourself, you will have taken all the energy out of her attack against you. Give this some thought.