i have been married for 18 years with four children. lately the romance has dwindled. i dont know why. the past two years i have had some cosmetic surgery done and now all my husband does is critiisize what i wear,et etc etc. i now find myself looking forward to my visits with my surgeon. he is not overly handsome but something about him is so attractive to me. i have never been able to speak to him without a nurse present but he always makes me feel like i am an attractive woman. he makes me feel good. i want so bad to ask him if we both were not married would he find me attractive but am scared. my marriage ending, i cant say it would bother me at this point. something about this other man (my doctor) keeps drawing me toward him. please someone give me some advice. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Confused]" src="images/icons/confused.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Confused]" src="images/icons/confused.gif" />

One I would talk to the doctor direct about our feelings. After you talk to your husband first. Your husband should know about your feelings and the thoughts that are going through your mind. If he is criticizing you about your plastic surgery, discuss that issue. Then go into how you feel about the Dr. And then the two of you could go to the Dr. together, if need be.

Just be honest. That is all your husband is asking of you, to be honest. That is all of us BS's want is honesty. We just wished that our spouses would of been honest, and quit all that garbage about lieing to us, and deceit, and secrets.

Don't keep secrets. Also, I would go to marriage counseling too.

You have a husband that loves you. But maybe your plastic surgery is making him feel like an old man. Maybe this is causing him to feel that you won't like him anymore. Have you thought of that. Your husband may see a beautiful woman, with a great body, and men looking at you. Maybe he is feeling guilty, that he okayed for you to have surgery. This could be a question to ask him too. Make your husband feel important. Give him admiration, and confess romantic feelings towards the Dr.s Just my opinion.

confused, if your doctor is your cosmetic surgeon, and you like him, going to need his work in future, forget coming on to him! Once you breach that patient doctor relationship, he may just tell you to find another doctor!
I, too, have an adorable cardiologist! To die for handsome. But I need him to take care of my heart, the organ inside that is. LOL Not emotional one, so I wouldn't lose him for anything.
You're walking a fine line messing with your doc. Keep it professional as patient/doc only.
Sheesh, I just want enough money to go see the one my daugther knows. he's great surgeon and I want a face lift. LOL
boob lift would be good too. I do not need enlargement, just perk em up baby. Heehee LouLou

Hi There,
I wish I could see you face to face so I could truly make an impact on you. Perhaps I can make an impact here.

Please commit to focusing on your spouse and forget the fantasy of this doctor. Romance does tend to dwindle a bit, and then you work at finding bits of it again. IF it never comes back, so what. You have a loving husband and four children , and you're together.

I began my affair when I was married 17 years. The OM made me feel so desired and 'special', and yet I rather knew I was being used at the same time. The feeling of 'romance' with him ended abruptly when I saw what he really was AND WHAT I'D LOST, and when God awakened me out of my sick fantasy life.

If you're looking forward to visits with your MD, perhaps you need more interests in your life, and things to focus on. Just a thought. I was VERY DRAWN to the other man, by the way--as he was, to me.

In the end, I'm alone here with my kids--divorced. OM--I don't know where he is now. I ended it with him, he's back where he's from. My exH lives a mile from here and doesn't want anything to do with me.

I have to work myself silly to maintain the lifestyle I had with exH. THe last two evenings I've come home to an empty house that's stayed that way, for many hours. My children were with their dad the last two evenings.

I cried a bit an hour ago, thinking back to all that I've lost in my life. Please, dear one, forget this fantasy and focus on your husband. I'm sorry he criticizes you, but perhaps you could focus on his positive qualities. I so wish I could turn back the hands of time, and do things differently. If I can prevent you, my MB friend, from making some horrible mistake than at least I'll feel all of this was for some good.

This is from the heart, and I won't take time to edit it, at all.

Please, do the right thing--forget the fantasy and don't leave planet earth. If you CHOOSE to act on your fantasy, you might be like me....overworked, lonely, and exhausted---and still in love with an EX husband who has lost his love for you. Picture that for a minute, and your fantasy might dissolve.

You wanted advice, so there you are. Please take the road less travelled, and do the right thing.

Take care,
HP

.

You have given me lots to think about. i can see that what you say is the right thing but my sense of right and wrong are a mess right now. my husband would blow up if i told him the feelings i am having toward my doctor. whenever i dress for work he always ask who i am dressing for, some other man? i put up with it for awhile but now it is like okay, you think i am so why dont i? i know that is selfish thinking but when another man doctor or other says or looks my way i wonder what i am missing or am i missing anything? just dealing with an insecure and jealous husband. and counseling? i have tried that avenue and he said when you want a divorce then we will do counseling. can you email me privatly? i have one other issue i cannot post here that i need advice on.

I would suggest you print out the questionnaires on this website and find out what your and your H's ENs are.

Read His Needs/Her Needs.

Do this now.
DB

When they stop the critism then you will know the marriage will be over for him. read www.marriagebusters.com

Toyman
what does your post mean? i dont understand

confused...I think you picked a very good handle for yourself. The doctor/patient relationship is often a dangerous one as we put our very lives in their hands. It is not at all unusual for a patient to take that graditude and feelings of being taken care of into an area where it should never go. In fact, it happens so often that it's a course they take during training. Most doctors understand that this is not real attraction based on a solid foundations, but there are a few who will take advantage of their position of power.

More then likely if you ever say anything to him, if he's really a good doctor, he'll refer you to another doctor. IF he doesn't do this...you're really about to find yourself in hot water. You're his patient, if he crosses the line into having a personal relationship with you, he is breaking the code of conduct for his profession.

We often fantasize about others we meet, this is NORMAL. But when we attempt to take that fantasy and make it real...then real people get harmed. We cause those who we love and who love us pain and suffering. We lose people in our lives who were important friends and support systems...we destroy them and ourselves.

How about working on the marriage? See if your marriage can be improved so that it is fullfilling and satisfying. Discover if you want to stay married or seek your freedom. Do NOT cheat. Do not betray your spouse, yourself and your marriage. Not all marriages should survive, but none deserves betrayal.

Peace!

i want so bad to ask him if we both were not married would he find me attractive but am scared. my marriage ending, i cant say it would bother me at this point.
Then end you marriage BEFORE you do anything and say it won't have an ecffect.
Never, never, NEVER tell someone (except your spouse) that you have feelings for them.

If you told you Dr. he would probably dump you as a patient. If he didn't he SHOULD as it could very possibly came back to bite him, especially if it affects your marriage IN ANY WAY! Even if you don't think it would affect it, but you ended up divorced, the Dr. could get in very deep trouble with the ethics committee. Like lose his license. Yes it could happen very easily if there is ANYTHING going on between pt & dr. Moreso if the pt is married.

Thank you everyone for your honestly. sometimes it really hurts to hear what is right. this situation is not only i that is married, but he is also. Like previous post say, he is my plastic surgeon and i will probably want to use him (professionally) in the future. He has afterall made great changes in me physically so maybe it is just gratitude. i think my husband is really having difficulties adjusting to the NEW me besides going thru a midlife crisis. he just turned 41. if there are any men out there my husbands age i would really like your input on how you would feel in this situation, having a wife going thru cosmetic surgery etc etc