Oh yea, I notice it all the time now. The things that spring out to me is distance between a couple when they're together (whether or not they seem to be enjoying each others company or tolerating it), whether or not one person seems to be seeking out inappropriate attention from others (needs not being met in the relationship), and how the person treats other people as a whole (people whose biggest concern is themselves and don't care much about others feelings aren't going to care much remaining faithful to their spouse).

I had totally forgotten about this thread. Glad I found it again.

I forget who asked the question, but I think the "it" factor that is so recognizable to me is about body language and interaction.

For example - I have a really cute real estate agent. He and I are about the same age. Has been with his wife for a while and they have a young son. He's itching to have an affair. I am super open and non judgemental so people tend to tell me things.

Every interaction with this man SCREAMS "be my OW". So I asked him about it. In a coy way, but I straight out asked. He and I ended up having a long talk about it. And I explained why an A was a bad idea for him for me, and for both of our partners. I even referenced you guys.

The deal is, I guess, I recognize familiar behavior. People who cheat know the dance in all it's subtlies. It's soooo seductive.

Now truth be told, if I were to cheat he'd be #1's on the prospective OM list. HE knows the game. The expectations, etc.

So maybe what i'm seeing in other WS are shades of myself and my own behavior.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by Honey:
<strong>Why do BS's stay KS? Are we the eternal forgivers and nice guys or doormats?

Just curious as to your opinion...

Thanks, Honey</strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">My opinion:

Because no matter how hard the marriage is it fulfills a need. Same reason OP remain OP.

<small>[ February 19, 2003, 02:20 PM: Message edited by: Katie Scarlett ]</small>

This is interesting!

In the past, my girlfriends and I felt we could spot a man who would cheat. (This is long before I had an A, mind you!) All of the men in our social circle who we thought WOULD cheat, ended up doing so. YOu could tell by the way they would try and flirt you up, the way they would look at a person, etc. I'm sad to say, these were all men at our church.

I don't think one can always tell. Perhaps because I met my OM over the internet, I don't feel I gave off those vibes of being a cheater, at all. However, in knowing the OM better through the years, I learned that he had cheated before. He , like someone on the thread mentioned, wore his heart on his sleeve and always talked to strangers. (not my way, at all)
He also looked like a cheater, based on my previous conversations of years ago, with my friends. He was always trying to catch women's eyes, it was very obvious.

I feel it is easy to spot a male who is suseptible to cheating. (body language, eye contact, tone) I always avoided these men, until I became 'friends' with one, via the internet.

One of the things I said to OM , in the end was, "YOu've spent your whole life lying to women, and I certainly was one you lied to, too. You're done lying to me, cause it's over."(had just caught him in another lie, and had been contemplating ending it for a long, long time)

H_P