I have been reading a lot of books on affairs, Dr. Harley's, Love Must Be Tough, Survivig Infidelity, to name a few, but I want something to read to get inside H's head. And I also want reassurance and statistics on Affairs.

I read WAT's Guidelines and they help. There is a brief mention in Dr. Harley's book stating "most affairs die a natural death and sooner than you think" and "most affairs end within 6 months of being exposed to the light of day". I read in another book only 3-7% of affairs become lasting relationships.

These are all comfortaing to me. I am putting a lot of hope on the 6 month thing. Is there anything else out there I can read, book or internet, to help keep the faith and get inside H's head?

I have also seen e-books "quaranteed" to bring your spouse home, but they are quite costly (I have seen $79 and $99). I would gladly pay this if I thought they would be a benefit. Has anyone ever tried one of these?

I am trying so hard to believe I can work this out with H, but somtimes I feel like I am running into a brick wall. H is obviously not reading what I am. I am sure he thinks he found the "perfect partner". (he has never said this, this is my take on it).

Thanks for any feedback!

It's an impossible task. You're not dealing with the mind of a logical person. A's are based on pure, raw, EMOTIONS. And those have got to be some of the most unstable things around! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

I do understand your "need to know" attitude. I was there too. But you have to remember... it's logic you're dealing with. And the actions of a WS are anything but logical. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

Your time and effort would be better served to reconcile your M if you put it in YOU. That's what plan A is all about anyways. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> (I know, easier said than done... been there, done that. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" /> ).

Karen

please listen to topie. There's know way you can figure out what's in there head. There are plenty of great articles on this site that can help explain to you generally what they are going through, but everyone's a little different. You've got to take the focus off them and concentrate on making yourself better and stronger or it will make you crazy. It's very hard at first to stay focused on that but it gets easier the more you do it. Good Luck.

Ernn:

What helped me was to read and study everything I could about Plan A. Then do it!

I agree with the others that WSes are not logical. You will not be able to figure them out because they are under the influence of a drug. They are addicts. Steve Harley himself told me that this is one of the most important points for me to remember. He said "you can't be a teacher if there is no student".

Senior MB members told me to try to be patient, wait it out and work on myself. Wow were they right.

Be a Believer in MB!