My WH has been emailing me fake divorce aggreements, calling me and asking for my birth certificate and marriage license...I know that he doesn't need these things and I will not play the game...what I don't understand is why don't he just file for the divorce since he claims he does not like me as a person, (mind you, I never done anything to hurt him, he was the one who cheated and decided to leave me and the kids)...He is very mean to me..we can never talk about anything without him raising his voice...he actually called me on Valentine's Night just to ask what year was we married....I try to have as little interaction with him as possible, but he still finds a way to get to me...Can anyone pls tell me what is going on with him and why he is so angry, or do anyone have suggestions on what I should do???

Bump!! Someone pls give me some advice!!!

See an attorney,,,,it's possible he is trying to fool OW into thinking he has obtained a divorce,and SEND HIM NOTHING until you speak to an attorney,,,,,good luck,,,,Holly

Thanks, for your response...I did call an attorney and also let jher see the letter...she said it was no such thing in Texas as a pre-divorce aggreement...

Do you still want to be married to this man? Why? It doesn't sound like he's a great guy at all. You may really want to decide on that soon.

The papers he's looking for are public records, and he can get those without calling you. It sounds like he's trying to keep you on the defensive -- so you continue begging him not to divorce you -- maintaining a safety net for him.

Your H sounds VERY manipulative and abusive. You may want to consider absolutely no contact and refuse to play into ANY of these games. That's pretty much what Plan B is all about.

If you're done with him (and I'm not sure why you aren't) you may even wish to consider being the one to file for divorce and then get a restraining order preventing him from calling you at all. Tape record all phone conversations he has with you now that are mean and abusive. If you do end up in court, it will help you.

He'll know for sure that he can't have both of you that way. It will likely even create major stress for the A he's having. It won't be long before that ends, especially if he's that mean and selfish.

It almost sounds as if HE doesn't want to file for divorce just yet -- probably because the A doesn't have a lot of promise -- and by stressing you out, he keeps you in his pocket while seeing how the A turns out. If it ends, he'll try to return to you, and claim that he's seen the light. He's trying to keep his options open and control you at the same time.

He sounds like he's trying to make you crazy. If he can control you, he's got the advantage, including a possible custody issue in the future if you have kids. Be careful. The games he's playing don't make him look too stable.

The games he's playing seem to be an attempt to see how you feel about him. Why he's being so mean, when he's in love with and living with the OW, is VERY strange. He sounds imbalanced. He's gathering info about how you feel, and IMHO, so he has contingencies if his current plan fails.

My guess is that things with the OW aren't so hot -- maybe he doesn't really see a great future -- why else is he trying to hurt you? He probably wants you to say that you still want him, that way, if the A ends, he can come home safely. You may even want to tell him it's over and you're tired of being his safety net.

He may be even trying to set you up, tape recording conversations on the phone, just so he has evidence of you're getting upset with him. WS in fogs can do some scary things, so protect yourself with no contact. He's definitely not acting like someone who wants to reconcile. It sounds like he's trying to cover his bets by seeing how compliant you are to his demands.

Good luck and God Bless!

<small>[ February 17, 2003, 03:06 AM: Message edited by: awake ]</small>

I'm certainly no expert but it sound like he's blaming you for his mistakes which is something all WS do. His anger makes me think that. Maybe he's trying to goad you into the D so he can say it was your idea.Thay would help him justify what he's doing. The part about calling you on V-day is telling to me. He's trying to hurt you purposely. Since you don't know what he's doing I would get yourself covered legally and cut off contact with him until he can be rational and tell you what he wants

Thanks again to you all...I do not talk to him over the phone besides when he call for the kids...and even I do not have a converstation with him...I have not told him that I want to be back with him...He has called me and asked me will I contest the Divorce and I told him no,I wouldn't..I never rasie my voice at him...although, I want to...I know that for some reason, he is trying to push me to go off on him...He does not live with the other woman...he has recently started to take my kids to her house with him, I have not said anything to him about the OW....at all...I haven't asked him to come back and when he decided to leave, I didn't even ask him to come back..so I really don't understand him...

BUMP!! Need to talk..

Talk away! We're here!

As long as this jerk has the power to hurt you, it's to his advantage...yup...the old blame and control game.

I can hurt you, and only I can heal that hurt...blah, blah, blah!

If you broke it, it's your responsibility to fix it...Wah!!

How dare you ask him to be responsible for his own behavior? <img border="0" title="" alt="[Razz]" src="images/icons/tongue.gif" />

It's a game you can never win...so don't play!

You choose the game! It's all about being PRO-active for yourself, instead of RE-active to his trash!

<small>[ February 17, 2003, 11:37 PM: Message edited by: HelenWheels ]</small>

You are so right...I can never win!!! I am just so tried of all the tension...I feel like I should be the one who is angry, after all I was the one who he left and cheated on...I am just so pissed!!

I'm not at all sure as to what is going on in his mind, but whatever you do...don't send him any important papers. Refer him to your lawyer.

I tend to agree with Hearthealing that he may be trying to "prove" to the OW that he is getting a divorce, without actually doing the needed work to get one.

It also sounds as if he's pushing and pulling at you to get some type of reaction...which so far you're not giving him...GOOD FOR YOU! He may be trying to get you to shout and be angry, he may be trying to force you to be the one who files for divorce...then again...he may be wanting you to beg and plead, since you didn't do this in the beginning. Or he's just plain ole sick and gets his jollies from hurting you!!! That's a problem with trying to "read MM's mind", sometimes there not very much to "read".

Just follow your lawyers advice to the letter...and do what you want to do with the rest of your life.

May your healing path be one of enrichment and love and happiness...wherever it is leading you.

I am definetly not going to give him anything..I have told him that he should have his lawyer to serve me the divorce papers so that my lawyer and I can go over them and get this thing over with..I told him not to call me or send me anything else because his lawyer can get copies of everything that is needed....He was here waiting outside the house today went I got home to pick up the children, no words were spoken at all...he doesn't even speak to me...he told me that the reason he treats me like this is because he does not like the person I am...which makes no sense..because all I have ever done was be nice to him... too nice if you ask me...

"too nice" is bad if there are no boundaries....

"too nice" can drive him crazy, if boundaries are set and enforced with love....

Example-
Bad-I'm "too nice", therefore, I must be a doormat for you to walk on....

message-I love you more than myself or our children. You have all the power to act any way you want to hurt us.

Good-I'm "too nice" to allow you to do this to me and our children any longer....

Message-I love myself and our children just as much as I love you. Your behavior is hurting all of us, and I must act to protect myself and our children. Then, you are only hurting yourself, and I'm very sorry, but I can't control that.

BUMP!!! does anyone else been through this with the WS???