Listened to "Fresh Air" with Terry Gross on my local NPR affiliated radio station tonight.

The guewt in the interview was Shirley Glass who has written a book called, "Not Just Friends" or "More Than Friends".

She said most people who have extramarital affairs are not the type of people who would do something like that intentionally. They fall into it gradually - not realizing the changes in the relationship unitl it has progressed quite a way. They are naive. They have no idea what they are doing.

The divorce rate for first marriages is 50%; for second marriages it is 60%; for marriages that began as affairs it is 70%; the only exception being people who married old flames.

She also said that women tend to see problems in their marriage before men - or at least, they try to express their need to have unmet needs fulfilled. The men see this as criticism and then they retreat. So, the women pursue them with the message. And the men retreat more. The women get fed up and quit trying.

Then, one day they show up in her office and she asks how things are.

The men say, "Great! We have no conflict. She doesn't complain. Things are fine."

The women say, "Lousy! I have this need or that need. I have tried to talk to him and I got no response. I'm miserable."

Sounded like the stuff made sense and it might be a good read for people with these issues.

I love 'Fresh Air'! Wish I had heard that show tonight, it sounds very interesting. That book and author have been mentioned on this board by someone else, can' t remember the thread. Did Glass have any advice about how to avoid the friendship from going too far? How about ending the affair?

So much to know, so little time. Thanks for the info!
Lablady

Cerri has a thread she just started related to exactly this same subject titled Infidelity Book Review "Not Just Friends" by Shirley Glass . You might want to check it out.

Thanks for the info on the Glass book, I'll be looking for it soon. I especially like her perspective regarding keeping YOURSELF affair-proof.
Lablady

Thanks for the link! I'm going to add it to my thread on some other boards.

As for the interview. I bet you can hear it if you go to NPR's website and click on Fresh Air's page.

Hey Cinderella, does this mean that "old flames" statistically have good chances at lasting?

I didn't get to hear all the interview. Check it out on the web and see if she said any more than I can tell you. Or, maybe read the book. It's very new and wasn't on some major webstore recently.

Whew, guess I'm blessed because FWH had A with old high school sweetheart. That means it was most likely to succeed? I didn't know it had a 70% chance of succeeding.
Well, it didn't. Thank God.
did anyone watch Dr.Phil today? it was on OW.
Pretty good too! Tomorrow he will do WH's.
One couple sat in audience was a Wh and BW. She felt some guilt or responsibility. Her WH said no. He took 100% for it . I like that!
And Dr.Phil told her to now own that at all. That she had no responsibility for his choices.
Should be interesting tomorrow. My H watched it with me. We didnt tal much about it. Other than he felt the blond was into revenge A's as her two marriages failed due to WH.
I didnt' see her feeling any guilt at all! Nor do I think this is revenge A. She, of course, blames all Wives. Saying they aren't taking care of H. BULL SH-- to that is my opinion.
Anyhow, Dr.Phil had another OW who's been in A for 8 yrs! Finally she's wanting out due to waste of time. Guy has been promising he will leave wife for her for all these years, then comes up with excuses. Left his W several times, but went back.
Dr.Phil told her she's naive and wasting her time.
So she's going to get out of this A. How stupid can women get? 8 yrs!
Ok, nough, God bless all, LouLou