Well just as I had figured my WW was back in the fog Monday. I wrote her a note and left it at home telling her that the timing of the church service was bad and that I was uncomfortable with it too. I put some other loving things in the letter and she thanked me for it when I got home. As we talked the conversation came around to the kids. Any of you who have been following my story know that my WW has on several occasions brought up wanting to bring the kids to her place (where she's living with OM)to spend more time with her. She's tried several different approaches to see if I would be comfortable with them. This latest one she brought up just a couple of days ago. She wants to have a girlfriend of hers move into the house too and when the kids come over they could say that they were just roommates while OM was at work and the kids wouldn't have to know any better. This was no more acceptable to me than any of the other ideas of course. Before today this was the only topic that would make me lose my temper, but not this time! (thanks to all of you and MB) I took the chance of our conversation to pull out the article on Infidelity: The Lessons Children Learn that I had just so happened to print off this site. I calmly read it with her and explained to her that these were the types of lessons I was afraid we would be teaching our kids if I allowed visits over to her house. I was as loving as I could be and said that I understood how important it was to her that she spend time with the kids. I said our only disagreement was that while she thought it was in the best interest of the kids to spend time with their Mom no matter what the circumstances that I believed there were certain situations (spending time over there for one) that in the long run would be teaching them the wrong things and that it would be better if they didn't see her quite as much while she was figuring her life out if it meant they were going to be taught the wrong lessons about life.I ended the conversation by telling her that the easy solution to this problem was to make sure she was always very comfortable while she was visiting them here at the house and that I would do anything she needed to make sure that happened. She was very quiet for a long time but left the house feeling okay (I think) and even kissed me goodbye. I hope that puts an end to this whole idea, but we'll see. Was it a LB to pull that article out and use to help explain my position? I figured it would be okay as long as I did it in a calm, loving way but I wasn't sure.

<small>[ February 18, 2003, 02:51 AM: Message edited by: starman ]</small>

I beleive you did great by reading her that article because it is so right on the money. I just hope that its message does sink in to her foggy brain. Just recently I read that children of cheating parents, tend to cheat more often than children of non cheating parents. It would be sad if this is the fate that awaits our children because of the WS selfish behavior.

Yur name ain't *STARMAN* for nuttin'...

You done good man!

YOU ROCK! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

<small>[ February 18, 2003, 08:22 AM: Message edited by: Pepperband ]</small>

Star ~ for almost the entire 18 months I was separated, I kept my children from visiting their dad outside the home.

There was a point where it was obviously an LB (geez, I wouldn't let my kids go near the wonderful woman he thought would be a better mother than me). But in the end, it was the right thing to do on many levels. My kids are safe, didn't suffer the trauma of seeing their mother replaced, and they have their dad back at home.

I simply left my home open to him to see the kids at any time. I did everything I could to make him accessible (putting ICQ on their computer to chat with him, giving them their own phone).

But I drew the line at him taking them away from me, into the presence of OW. And I'm glad I did.

You Da Man Starman!