That is a good save! I can't believe he left us hanging and ran off to watch Survivor!!! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" />

Sorry to leave you hanging....I have to watch cause my daughter and I like to discuss it <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> . Anyway Good save huh. She did say (could have been lying) that the phone calls she made to him were over a month ago, she said like it was over, I know, I know OM is not important and I am just doing the same thing over and over by readin ginot every little word she says ....sorry <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" />

Anyway any comments....I like to see if she will let me come oner tommorrow and give my son a bath and maybe ask her if she wants to watch a movie,,,,To fast huh....I know.....I just miss her and my kids....

I be ok....I know I will be OK....

AnyTime, I don't see any reason why you can't try. It can't hurt.

Also, it DOES matter what is going on with OM. You need to know what is going on and have a right to this information. However, right now you aren't going to GET any information. The place that it doesn't matter is in YOUR behavior. You have to be consistent no matter is going on there. Because consistency in your Plan A will attract her to you and away from him.

I also have this sense that she has made you feel like her affair is "all in your head" and you are basically an idiot to suspect anything. Is that correct? Has she mocked you for your suspicions?

Yes....she has mocked me to some extent. Also lie after lie....even with factsw right in front of her. It is hard going day by day not being able to be with my family and with the possiblity of it not being over.

I called her and asked her if my daughter had used a gift certificate cause I was thinking of taking her into Chicago to use it and asked her if she and my son would like to join us and maybe go to Navy Pier and to the Childrens Museum. She said no a couple times and then towards the end of conversation said out of the blue (chicago conversation was way over) "I think it would be to cold to go to chicago, dont ya think". I do not know if that was a reference for if my daughtter and I go or what.....I told her earlier if she changes her mind to call me.

THIS SUCKS>>>>>>>

<small>[ February 27, 2003, 09:07 PM: Message edited by: Any Time Now... ]</small>

Hi Anytime:

Yes. This SUCKS!!! Its like a neverending nightmare.

What helped me through the darkest days was to hold onto anything positive from my WS. That gave me the motivation to continue with MY PLAN. For example, be glad that she asked you about Chicago. At least, she listened and sounded interested. Try to look for any crumb of a positive aspect to the situation. It helps to pull you through. However, I've learned to accept that its going to be painful until my WS comes home and has no contact with the OW. There's no getting around it.

Also, as suggested by WAT, I have been helped by an antidepressant. I think clearer and am less weepy. I can really tell a difference when I forget to take it. In order to get it, I called my family doctor and told her that I was having personal problems, causing symptoms that kept me from functioning adequately. She agreeed to calling the prescription in. Wellbutrin is the only antidepressant that does not have sexual side effects. I would highly recommend it!

OK...I got up my confidence to call her up and ask if I could come over tonite and give my son a bath. She paused for a quick second and then said no way. Of course me BMT, I asked why amd she said "why are you so anxious to get in the house" (as if I was going to maybe tap phones or something, who knows) I again kept my calm and said "I just want to spend time with YOU and my kids" and there is nothing fishing going on. I told her I was commited to her and if she felt uncofortable lets leave it at that. She started to get flusterd and then hung up on me saying she had to go. She called back within 2 minutes saying she was unsure of my intentions and that she had plans anyway with the kids tonite. I said that is fine and to enjoy her time with them tonite. I got a little worried and unfortunaltey asked her if she was thinking about trying to make it work and in a very low voice said yes and she said when she is ready I will be the second to know. I said who was the first and she repliesd her....I laughed and said thats fair.

I hope she is not just playin me, cause her reactions to me are as if its over. Like constanly asking why I am being the way I am.

I have more to post about something else, but I have to eat lunch....be back in 1 hr...

Melody what to you think!

<small>[ February 28, 2003, 11:23 AM: Message edited by: Any Time Now... ]</small>

Unfortunately, its Friday night. You know what that may mean. I used to hate Fridays.

Even now, my WS wants me to back off and let him do the arranging for get togethers. At the point, where you are I was told even by Steve H. that you don't want to be perceived as demanding or controlling.

I know how you feel ANYT. You want to DO something but its best to have PATIENCE like WAT says and WAIT. Just be nice and caring to her whenever you get the chance. Perhaps you could have just called and asked her how she was doing and then give HER the chance to ask you to come over. Get it?

I don't know why this process is the way it is but it just is.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by Any Time Now...:
<strong>She called back within 2 minutes saying she was unsure of my intentions...</strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Time for the letter, perhaps. It states your intentions clearly, and this is it's main purpose.

WAT

She did reiterate several times that she does not want me in house in case we have an argument. She is afraid I will not leave. I am realy not a violent person, except when I found out every time about lies, him or what ever is conected to the A. I honestly went ape****, but again was not anymore violent then what other people have done. I quite frankly think she is lucky I did not trash house.

I do not know how to perseeve (sp) her not wanting me in house cause sunday there were no problems.

I think she is very confused....but again sunday nite she was wanting me to come over and bathe my son....

Go figure.....Maybe that call to OM pissed her off....

I should just call and tell his superiors that I am in the process of reconciling with my wife and he is interfering. I know internal affairs will look into. But what does this solve, especially if the A is over.

WAT....I am with you, but since MEL is understanding woman, I would like her opinion as a check in balance...

<small>[ February 28, 2003, 12:12 PM: Message edited by: Any Time Now... ]</small>

ATN - the "don't want you in the house" thingy could simply be her best excuse. Do not take this seriously. Do not underestimate the power of her self deception.

All the sudden, I became abusive, according to my XW. (OM's older kids laughed in her face at that accusation. My SIL asked her, "If he's abusive, why do you leave your son with him?")

WAT

<small>[ February 28, 2003, 01:00 PM: Message edited by: worthatry ]</small>

Respond ASAP so I can delete this..so i know you read...

<small>[ February 28, 2003, 12:55 PM: Message edited by: Any Time Now... ]</small>

Why do you think the affair is over?

I am not sure it is. But I have now way of knowing unless I spy on her and get lucky and see them togther or hire a PI.

Just assume that the affair is ongoing. If it was REALLY over, I think your wife would give some indication - even an indirect one. Regardless, your actions would be the same either way. Read Nick123's post today.

WAT

WAT...Would'nt you call "get over it, that was a month ago" as being indirect?

MEL - What do you think about letter? I am on the fence and your opinion is greatly needed. I know that you probably want to hit me in the side of the head....but I have to ask your thoughts.

MELODY what is your opinion?

AT, where is the final cut of the letter? Did you take it off or am I not looking on the right page?

Here:

W,
I have to say it was a revealing experience for me to write this letter. I have been mentally working on it for weeks now and it required a lot of self examination to complete. It is written with the true love that only a husband can have for a wife. Please read every word I have written, for it is from the heart.

I suspect that you've been unhappy for a long time. I also suspect that my behavior has contributed to your unhappiness and the emotional estrangement between us. I would like to acknowledge and apologize for my part in creating the poor state of our marriage. I neglected your needs, and failed to give you what you needed many times. I did not realize how much it meant to you for me to be there for you, the hand holding, the hugs and the snuggling to name a few. I also could not see through my own confusion on why I was so angry. I now clearly see many of those things I was lacking in. I just didn't understand how important it was to us. I have made it clear to everyone that my time with my family, especially for my precious wife, is and will be my main focus. You will always come first.

I've worked very hard these past 2 months to overcome that behavior, not only for you, but for me and our kids as well. What you have seen recently is a glimpse of what I've learned already. With your help, I can become a husband who can fulfill all your needs. I did not understand what it took to have a successful and fulfilling relationship, or how to meet your needs. I can not sit here today and say that I know all that I need to know about relationships but I can, however, honestly say that I have learned a lot about honoring, cherishing and companionship. I want to learn even more about how to be a supportive and loving man. I want to be a better husband, a better father, but most importantly a better person. The changes I've made have improved my relationships with many of the people in my life, especially our kids. People can change if they're willing to take a long, hard look in the mirror and hold themselves accountable for who they are. I'm doing that and I'm proud of the person I'm becoming. I am proud that I have lost 35+ lbs and dressing professionally on a daily basis. I feel good about myself, and that being said makes me feel better about the people around me and that is important.

I still believe we can have a happy, loving, fulfilling marriage. I believe we can learn from our mistakes, grow from them and with effort and desire we can begin to slowly rebuild the love that was the foundation of our marriage and start to become a family again, for our sake and our kids. I believe we can have a marriage based on trust and honesty where we both feel safe sharing our innermost thoughts, feelings, fears and dreams. The kind of marriage we both imagined when we said "I do".

I'm not naive; I know there's been a lot of damage done. We'd likely need the help of someone like Pastor to guide us in learning better ways to communicate, meet each other's emotional needs and begin to rekindle the spark of emotional intimacy between us. It won't be easy, but it can be done. I've had the good fortune to know many people who have been able to do it. I feel I have been learning ways to be the type of man I hope you would be proud to call your husband, as I have so many times felt much pride in calling you my wife. I so want to put the past behind us, and build a better life together for us and our family.

I want to be your husband, in every sense of the word. I want to hold you, talk with you, laugh and cry with you, comfort you, and share the joy of raising a family with you. I want to grow old with you. But I know I can't control what you do nor change you. I can only control me and change myself.

As always, I will continue to be the best father I can be and do whatever is necessary to insure our kid's well-being and make their life as fulfilling as possible.

I look forward to discussing with you a plan to restore our marriage and make it what we only dreamed it could be. I still love you, and as I said before, I believe in our marriage and I am committed to do whatever is necessary to make it as best as possible.

I love you W. You will always be very special to me. You are the only person I have allowed myself to love so deeply. I loved you more than life itself while we were together, and I continue to do so as I write this. I look back through our life and I choose now to only remember the good times and learn from the bad.

All my love and God bless.

ok, how do you think she will receive this? And how would you deliver it?

Well she is receptive to talking to me, I mean I do not preceve she is mad at me at this point in time. She has indicated she will contact me when she is comfortable to let me come in house....See WAT's post earlier about her maybe using as an excuse.

I would probably give to her when I pick up my son tommorrow or my daughter on sunday. I could also wait until monday and put in mailbox when i get my mail.