ATN,

<img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> GREAT! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

L.

Well...Update Me and my son are chilling watching ELMO 123 where "melmo" counts....Anyway wife called and said son was waking up....told her be there in 15 to pick him up. When I got there she asked me to come in(this proves mine and WATs theroy) we had a good convo and her and daughter were going to have momy and D time....I said that was great....I asked her if she thought about tommorrow and she said she ghadnt thought about but will.....then I said it would be really fun.,....Anyway will see how it goes when i drop him off....go to go son want to play with tonka trucks....

So far so good....

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by Any Time Now...:
<strong>go to go son want to play with tonka trucks....

..</strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">And we know that no guy could pass that up! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

Well....Dropped off son and talked with wife for a few minutes....nice casual convo....asked about questionaire and she indicated it was hard for her to fill out based on her feelings months ago....I said she needed to fill it out on how she feels today.....she said oh ok...said she would do. She declined on chicago tomm. but I had the feeling she wanted to go just did not want to admit/say....so I again said if you cahnge mind let me know. I said It would be great if we could all go as a family. She said D got the AMerican Girl cataloag in the mail today and will freak out tomm... when I tell her where going there....can't wait....

Well maybe she'll call tonite...who knows....nothing but progress so far I feel <img border="0" title="" alt="[Cool]" src="images/icons/cool.gif" />

Picked up D this morning and wife invited me in. Went in and we had nice conveersation, she indicated she would go with us but son had developed a mild fever and was saying his stomach ahd an "owie". I said of course not, stay hhere and take care of my son, which I know you do so well, especailly when he is sick. Wiffe was very nice and did not try to argue.

My Daughter and I had a blast. We went to American Girl Place and had a wonderfull time walking around downtown chilly chicago...I went to the Body Shop and got my wife some exfoiliating stuff and some body butter <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> . We aslo stopped at Godiva (w and d favorite) got a little sampler box of chocolate. Anyway we had fun.

Got home and gave my wife the small token of my appreciation. We sat and talked as a "family" and enjoyed every minute of it. D had to go to some practice at GF's house and I offered to take her. Wife of course said no problem, and I offered to go to store and get S some pop or something cause it appears he has gas. (ya know try to get him to burp)anyway she said ya that would be a good idea. As I was leaving (D in car already) I saiod to my wife thank-you, and she said what for??? I replied "this" (pointing to living room where we where all sitting and talking like a family)....Got the deer in headlight look again <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" /> .....I said its tough being away from kids and you this long, I would love to sleep in my own bed, take a nice shower in my shower, wake up with the kids and you, be able to do everything that I cant now. Thankfully I got no response...but with eye contact, meaning at least she did not say "oh well". I think she was having some feelings about the convo.

When I got back from the store i gave her some flowers and the pop and I asked her if we could talk. She said no abruptly! I said ok undeterstood and left with my tail between my legs. I honestly beleive she is hurting inside because of her body language, she is trying to keep back some emotions and I think just can not handle talking about us right there right then. I do not know how women do this. I am so built up with love that I can not concentrate. I need to know WTF she wants, it is killing me. She asked for time, its been 3 weeks, I just want to know if she wants to try and make this work, If she does, let me move back in.....if not tell me.......god Im upset....

SOrry..

<small>[ March 02, 2003, 04:22 PM: Message edited by: Any Time Now... ]</small>

<img border="0" title="" alt="[Confused]" src="images/icons/confused.gif" /> Need someone to reply....LONELY....

Hey ATN, it sounds like you did very well. Up until the end when you asked to TALK. You need to let her COME to that point on her own, ok? Otherwise, it seems like you are pushing her.

She is not ready to talk and any attempts at relationship talks at this point are lovebusters. She is probably very afraid to talk because she is still struggling with what she has done. If she can't demonize you, then her actions are not justified. She just needs more time. And you have PLENTY of time, right? This is not going to happen overnight. You have made great progress in 2 weeks, but I think you are expecting too much too soon. Just slow down, it is coming along nicely.

Also, you are nowhere NEAR ready to move back in, ATN. Alot has to happen to make that come down, including her agreement to end ALL contact with the OM.

Hi ATN - I was gone for the weekend. Looks like you did well.

My only recommendation right now is to SLOW DOWN!

You cannot pull her along at your pace. You have to wait for her to catch up. I believe she still considers that your relationship is over - hence her recommendation to you to start dating - but this is to be expected at this point. You can not cut off chunks of the fog log, you have to sand them down with 100 grit paper. Get it?

WAT

Thanks guys....I forgot to tell you....I am usually the first one up on Xmas morning.... <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

I'll slow down....

Why am I not surprised to hear that??? <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

<small>[ March 02, 2003, 08:40 PM: Message edited by: MelodyLane ]</small>

MEL/WAT Anyone:

I called wife this am (left VM @ work) and asked her how son was doing and there was no reason to call back if he is ok. I told her I love her very much and to have an enjoyable day. She called me to tell me he was ok and to talk about a bill that is not due for at least 2 weeks??? Hmmm?

Anyway what is she going thru? Can anyone answer this from her perspective. Obviously you do not realy know, but what is your guess? I feel like she wants to talk but is afraid to. Is this a sign? Is there a way to help her along with opening up to me? As you guys now I am a control freak of some kind <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" /> and I want to help but I am afraid if I do not do anything....she will not also...I realy enjoy doing plan A because I can see a difference in my actions/atttitude and life. I know the letter I wrote her and gave to her friday had to hit her hard. My MIL read it and said it was excellent and even cried.

I just want someone to tell me she is hurting to in some way. Even if OM is still in picture she has to be feeling something...right?

Any response welcomed.

Also did I mention that I mentioned to her that my parents are on vacation and I told her I was alone all week and she said "you should like that"....She then asked "what, so you want me to invite for dinner sometime this week" and I replied "you do what you want, but anytime you give me an oportunity to be with my family I will take.....even if just for coffee/desert.

<small>[ March 03, 2003, 10:20 AM: Message edited by: Any Time Now... ]</small>

ATN - Am I gonna have to bop you with a 2X4?

You know what I'm gonna say, right?

Even if any of us knew what was going on inside her head, we would be right for only a moment. You have to stop analyzing every word she mutters.

In general, it is very likely that she is confused deep inside. It's also very likely that she has convinced herself that she's not confused and she knows exactly what she wants and how to get it.

The bottom line - you are trying to rationally process tiny bits and pieces of communication from a likely irrational source. Double guess work. Not only are you seeing only the tip of something that you think is an iceberg, you're not even sure it's an iceberg at all.

Please try to find a distraction, OK?

WAT

Alright.... <img border="0" alt="[Teary]" title="" src="graemlins/teary.gif" />

ATN:

Listen to WAT!!! I was just like you, analyzing every word of an alien being. You'll feel much better when you believe that you are the one that has the sense.

I finally got it after WAT and Mel kept hitting me over the head.

You're not out there by yourself. I feel for you because I certainly have been there.

Stay hopeful. My WS just asked me out to lunch again. It can happen for you. Stick with your PLAN!!!

Hey ATN,
Like Mimi and WAT said, it's futile to try and decipher her mood de jour. It will change in 30 minutes anyway and make you crazy. Do you work out? I started working out during my marital troubles in 1999 [last marriage <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> ] and it really alleviated alot of the anxiety.

ATN:

Sorry, I was preoccupied all weekend, 2. (W threw a 50th B-day party for me yesterday, it was fun!).

"bag of MM's"

You brought her a bag of Married Men????? ;o)

"she said you should go out on some dates.....WTF... I hope WAT/MEL/Q/Mimi chime in with "this is typical...she just saying that....cause she realy threw me off on that one""

It's typical. It alleviates their feelings of guilt if you do something equall wrong too. Try not to take it to heart, and don't do what I did once when she said "You should meet *** at work, she's really a nice person, and attractive." Q: "Bring her on by!" W: "What for?" Q: "Well, you're always telling me I should find somebody better. Maybe she's better!" My W was really hurt, even though I was kidding. And even though I was hurting BIG TIME at that time. Bottom line, it doesn't help.

But you're not doing that, which is good. You ARE overanalyzing every little thing she says and does, which isn't so hot. She's probably dealing with a lot of guilt and confusion, and doing it in such a way as to believe, quite firmly, that she's not confused or guilty of anything.

There's only 2 things that will work on this, effectively:
1. CONSISTENCY (keep doing the nice things for her, but be SINCERE).
2: PATIENCE. Try to distract yourself from your worries. I know that MY imagination can be my worst enemy. Yours might be yours.

2dles,
Qfwfq

Melody....Yes I work out, just joined HC whenthis all started for exactly that reason.

Little Update:

Today at lunch I went buy house to get mail and drop off CS. When I arrived the mailman had not come yet so I put her CS Check in mailbox. When I got to work I emailed her and told her that I put the check in there and to call if its not there when she gets mail tonite.

Well the phone rang and she started in on me saying the check was not there and I probably did not actually put it in there etc...I lost it cause she was just yelling at me and I said will you please calm the fu$k down.....she hung up.

I wrote a new check immediately and drove over there and guess what was in the mailbox. Yep the check. My intentionwas to put the new one in there but I was pissed so I wnet up to door and knocked, she came to the door and I said "As much as I love you please make sure next time that you look real good in mailbox cause it was in there. She turned around and stated to yell at daughter. I told her no big deal, I just asked if you checked and you said yes...Also my son saw me from the living room and I remeber him saying Hi Daddy! but I was so pissed at my wife I was walking away before I realized this. I got in car and called wife and asked her to please tell my son that I am sorry I did not say goodbye (god this realy hurts to think my son thought I was ignoring him....i hope he forgets this) anyway wife said rudely why didnt you say good bye to him yourself and I replied cause you were so pissed that I was affraid you would have started yelling at me and I did not want to fight.....

Part of me wants to call and apologize but I really do not know for what....maybe for saying calm the f down.....but I think when I called she realized it was her fault for not cjhecking and thats why she was pissed..

Am I in the wrong?>

ATN:

You're only in the wrong if you don't slow down a bit.

I don't know what set her off any more than you do. Maybe something else, and the check issue was just an excuse for flying off the handle at you. Try not to react to argument-bait like that. But try also not to beat yourself up too much for getting angry once and a while. Let us do that! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

This is what life is about. Sometimes we're happy, sometimes we're angry. Hopefully we're happy together more than angry together. But we are pretty much human people.

Take care,
Qfwfq

Went to Chicago today for work (National Manufacturing Week) and while I was there we all went to CheeseCake Factory. With me being on a diet and the company paying I took mine to go. Of course my wife and daughters favorite is teramasu(sp) cheesecake. So I put it in mailbox along with a non-mushy card...missing you...type....Anyway no call from her to say thank-you. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" />

She did make an appointment with our Pastor on monday morning, which BTW is the same day as our secondary court hearing. Monday is too far away. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" />

MEL/WAT is it ok to call her and ask how her day is? I mean how long to I go without talking to her?

I think you should back off some. Let her stew. The check in the mailbox thing was pure guilt projection. She's mad right now and you're the easy target. Stay out of range a bit. If you have a legit reason to communicate about the kids, do it. But try leaving HER alone for a few days. Remember, time is on your side.

Be prepared for her to take pot shots at you without provocation. View this as a good sign - especially if she has no reason. This indicates turmoil in her mind. In affairs, turmoil is good, as long as the BS is not the cause of it. Oh, you'll be blamed alright, but this is projection and blame shifting or her part. DO NOT LB!!! This only helps her to legitimize the blame shift. Get it?

WAT