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Melody....Do you have a problem emailing me off the board. I need to ask you something re: a turn of events in my relationship and just in case W is reading I would like to ask you this privately. If you have a problem with this I understand. Better yet if Q and WAT would hear me also they are welcome.
If you do email me @ tectronman@yahoo.com and I will give you my real email address. I by no means want to continue dealing with my problem off the boards (cause its good to see that it can go from bad to good to worse to better and it is important to have that paper trail to show others things are possible)....but what I have to say....I mean if my wife reads it than it could be a love buster....
ATN..
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Sorry...
<small>[ April 03, 2003, 07:44 PM: Message edited by: Any Time Now... ]</small>
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Melody....
I noticed this quote in someones thread earlier today. "When your spouse is trying to decide between you and the lover, it's time for Plan B."
Do you think that I should head into Plan B considering the recent events yesterday.
WAT @ Q....email me @ tectronman@yahoo.com so I may fill you in on something id rather not post here. And at least you guys will now why I am not posting that info.
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</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by Any Time Now...:
<strong>"When your spouse is trying to decide between you and the lover, it's time for Plan B."</strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I don't think it's that straightforward.
Afterall, most WSs are doing this from the git go. You don't go to Plan B from the git go. Further, what if you're still under the same roof? Can't Plan B 'till separation.
WAT
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Are you kidding? If you moved right into Plan B a month ago, I guarantee you your marriage would be over. It would have been over because you 2 had been fighting so much that it would have been a welcome relief. It is real important to do a good Plan A before you move to Plan B, otherwise, there is nothing for her to miss because you haven't shown her the good side of you. If you move to plan B after she has seen nothing but your bad side, then it is "good riddance!" There really is a rhyme and reason to all this and it is going along just fine. Just be patient. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />
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</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by MelodyLane: <strong>Just be patient. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Think he's heard THAT before??? <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> WAT
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WAT:
"Think he's heard THAT before???"
Hm... ...not if he was moving fast enough to doppler-shift the remark below about 16 Hz, right?
-Qfwfq
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You guys are killing me.... <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" /> And for your information I have heard that before! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" /> I think <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" /> <small>[ April 04, 2003, 06:44 PM: Message edited by: Any Time Now... ]</small>
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<<UPDATE>> Friday - I decide with all of the recent events I would do something my wife would never see coming. For the past few weeks she has been wanting me to add her name/switch from mine to hers so she could manage it better. Well honestley I did not do it before because it was a controll thing for me and Friday I kinda just said F IT and put in her name. I also wnet and remove my name from our joint checking account that was there for only a couple of loans she was still having to pay thru the court. So anyway I called and left her a message at home that I had swicthed the utility into her name and said have a nice day. Side note I have always...always...said I love you after every phone call, every fight...etc but for some reason I just did not say it after that. Well that nite my mother inlaw calls me laughing and said your never gona believe this " She is so upset you did not say you loved her after your message today. Its funny a few months ago she said not to say that anymore, but I continued to, then I do not say it once and she has a breakdown, then (agh....why spoil it...read next day) Saturday - Called wife in the am so I could see kids on Sunday (court says 24hr notice). At first our conversation went ok, until the end when I said "I love you". HER REPLY...GET READY FOR THIS "Do not say you love me, I know what you are doing and it is disgusting <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" /> " I held back my laughter and simply said what are you refering to and she said "You have so much on me and I so much on you, lets just leave it at that" then she said do not call there unless I need to talk about kids. Sunday - Pick up Daughter first and my wife has flipped again (very nice) and I was nice but wanted leave ASAP...Phone rang (it was him, I am sure) I yelled up to daughter (getting her coat) said Id be in truck, looked at my wife (who had told him to hold on and put phone down) I said to her go ahead and take that....I'll be outside. Dropped of Daughter and picked up son after his nap. Wife again back to her sweet old self. Anyway I kinda was crying when I dropped him back off a few hours later and she asked what was wrong and I just replied "What do you think"..she kinda just looked away and I left. Monday - AM-Wife emails me asking me if I thought the dog was mine or hers. I replied that he is OUR dog. Basically she wanted me to come and pick him up and I told her I had no place to keep him and she would have to. It kinda went back and forth fighting in the email and then she just says "well i guess i will just keep him at home then". I was like WTF is her problem. Wanting me to take it and then 180's on me saying she will just keep him....Talk about pyscho babble..... I asked to see son again I miss him terribly. <img border="0" alt="[Teary]" title="" src="graemlins/teary.gif" /> <img border="0" alt="[Teary]" title="" src="graemlins/teary.gif" /> <img border="0" alt="[Teary]" title="" src="graemlins/teary.gif" /> Picked him up from daycare and we went to target and looked at Choo-Choos (toy trains) and then went to Menards (home care center) and looked at tools and lawnmowers. Had a wonderfull time. Dropped him off and then I left and she did not saty one word to me. I think she is starting to wonder whats going on by giving me the cold should and trying to pick fights with me? Meloday.....ya think?
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ATN, this all sounds perfectly normal. I like little incidents like your forgetting to say I love you expose to her how much she really does need you. Detaching with love seems to have such a interesting effect on her. At first she gets angry when she realizes her attachment but then gets real nice to you. Do you think she feels patronized when you tell her you love her?
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Yes...I Do...I think that she is shocked that I can still love her even after what she has done.
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ATN:
They ALL are! And although you're handling things pretty well, from the sound of it, please don't fall into the trap of making a game out of this.
I know you know it's serious. I'm not accusing. It just can get tempting at times, because you have your support here and she's flopping around on the deck without any real support. Just don't get smug, okay?
Keep being loving and honest with her.
-Qfwfq
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I know what you mean Q. Sometimes I have to think or call my MIL before doing something cause at times it does feel like a game. Although I am not purposely doing it, it just feels like that. I am watching how I act so it does not come across that way.
ATN.
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Hey Guys.
No contact since Monday. I want to see son on Friday afternoon. Should I call or email her? I am kinda confused on what to do. I know I am not ready for PLAN B by no means but It kinda feels like her and I are having a stand off. Remember the last time this happen, she did not do anything but did tell me she was concerned she had not heard my voice in a few days.
What to do?
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Should I talk about anything more than kids? How your week, etc?
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Melody....I just want to know if I should induce chit chat or not. I think if I do, she will make a remark, but I do not care at least I opened up line of communications? Yes...No...?
Regards
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ATN, I think I would be as friendly and light as possible. Ask her how she is. You really just have to play it by ear.
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Saw Son Today. We went and saw Piglet's Big Movie. We made it almost 35 mins then he wanted to go bye -bye so we went to park. When I dropped him off my wife had put a bix outside full of my summer clothes. Went up to door and gave her my son and I said why did you pack up my clothes and put them outside like that. She said she was just being nice. DO NOT THINK SO, nice would have been asking me to come in and get them from inside the house. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Mad]" src="images/icons/mad.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Mad]" src="images/icons/mad.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Mad]" src="images/icons/mad.gif" /> She also asked me to stop putting cards in mailbox (I put one in today, nothing mushy just a I AM HERE for you card). I diod not know what to say. I do kow that she recieved a letter from bank today indicating that I had removed my name from the checking account and she is now responsible for it. I aam not sure if that pissed her off or not. Sometimes I want this divorce so I can move on even though I will be depressed and now I would be doing the WRONG THING! She was very snippy to me today. Makes me want to SCREAM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Mad]" src="images/icons/mad.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Mad]" src="images/icons/mad.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Mad]" src="images/icons/mad.gif" />
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