ATN:

There will be days like that, unfortunately.

Go home and maybe clean toilet bowls with some really caustic chemicals!! ...just kidding. I hate doing that, too.

Anyway, change focus. It sounds like you had a good time with your son, at any rate, though kids attention spans! I remember being frustrated at times when you go out of your way to do something that they like, they get all excited, and then they want to leave early! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" /> But that's cute, too.

Your W's reaction might have been related to your removing your name from the account. Who knows? Just keep being the kind, non-LBing ATN that she won't be able to help just plain old LOVIN' one of these days, okay?

-Qfwfq

Could be Moose Brain Worms. Spring time, ya know?

When was the last time she beamed up to the Mothership for a tune up? Recently, right?

Yep, childlike behavior. It'll be different tomorrow. Count on it.

WAT

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by Any Time Now...:
<strong>

She also asked me to stop putting cards in mailbox (I put one in today, nothing mushy just a I AM HERE for you card). I diod not know what to say.
:</strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Don't get too mad, it could all change tomorrow. But I would stop with the cards for sure. She has asked you to stop and it is a pressure that she does not want to deal with, ie: a LOVEBUSTER. It obligates her to be nice to you and she does not want to be manipulated.

Hey, did you read that thread titled "Hey CarolKH, how did you do it?" That is an EXCELLENT thread and I think your W would respond well to those tactics.

Thanks Guys,

I will read that post this weekend Melody. I am going to Detroit to visit mom and have a Pre-Easter Dinner with her. And get to see the Red Wings beat the ducks, buddy has 4 tickets to playoff game. So anyway I may post a few thoughts before I leave in the AM, if not I will see ya guys sunday.

GOD BLESS

ATN

How very exciting. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" /> hehe, you have fun!

Well if any of you guys pay attention to Hockey you know by now that my beloved RED WINGS are at the brink of a First Round Playoff Elimination. <img border="0" alt="[Teary]" title="" src="graemlins/teary.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" />

Anyhooo...Not much going on in my other saga except for the fact I am thinking if changing to a woman lawyer and fighting for custody of my kids and house. The more and more I think of this I figure that why should I suffer hard ship becasue of her actions. I am going to meet with this lawyer next tuesday and make my decision based on wether to keep my current lawyer or the new one based on what she has to say.

I have talked to the wife a few times, but just casual conovs..little mean (on her part)here and there but nothing worth mentioning.

Its kinda funny.....the grass at the house is so tall it is irratating me....boy is it going to be hard to cut...especialy when I have the lawn mower (kept at my dads for winter). She has never cut the lawn in the 5 years at the house. I was actualy thinking of getting a lawn chair and sitting on sidewalk and watching her do it, should be funny. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Cool]" src="images/icons/cool.gif" />

ATN

Well W was supposed to call me last nite to let me know about seeing kids on Easter and no call. I ll called her after 9 and she said she totaly forgot and then she said is that it? I replyed no, I have another question and asked her if she would consider JOINT CUSTODY and after a long pause...said no and hung up phone. I called back a few minutes later and asked why not and she would not give me a reason but asked if I was going to fight for custody. I said I am in the process of deciding and thats why I asked you about JC. We then began to discuss our relationship and divorce. I told her that I was going to do what was best for my children and said that for someone who could loose their kids she was acting pretty boldly in the last few weeks. I am not sure what to do but I am to the point where I am sleeping better, nites and weekends are still lonely but the more I think about it why, because she has choosen to have an affair, should I sit here and take this crap, give her everything WE HAVE built up TOGETHER in the last 8 years. ENOUGH IS ENOUGH. I want this marriage but I do not want to be a doormat to her happiness with someone else AND MY KIDS. I refuse to play nice thru this divorce if she expects me not to fight for what is rightfully mine.

ATN

MELODY ANY THOUGHTS!!!

ATN,

I agree that you should protect your interests, especially your kids, but I think you are getting impatient again that she is not leaping into your arms in response to your plan A. You need to keep being civil. That is not being a doormat. She is in the throes of an addiction that WILL END. When it ends, do you want her to come to you? She won't if you go back to fighting and love busting every chance you get. Please just be patient and hang in there; do everything you can to attract her.

Did you read CarolK's thread that I referred you to a while back?

Yes I read Carols 180. I wish it could help me though. You see my wife right now is hurting and is stubborn enough not to let anyone know it. I can sense it cause of the way she talks to me, almost as if she is above me, business like. And we have been talking about us but the conversation always goes south. She wants to talk about divorce and I want to talk about our marrirage. Until we agree to talk about someting we agree to talk about it is pretty hopeless. She will purposely cut me off now, rather than to hear what I have to say. Or she will purposely LB to stop convo...

MORE THEN CONFUSED. To be honest, if I went to PLAN B right now, I do not think it would matter.

ATN

ATN:

$h!tfire and damnation!

You going to a counselor? A good one? Or are you just getting feedback from us?

We're not experts, though we may have experience. You're LBing and wondering if you should go to plan B, but if you're not getting coaching from an expert, you're taking a big risk of blowing this uneccessarily.

You can't expect her to respond favorably to your comments about wanting to save your M and not wanting to put up with your perception of her behavior. You're leaving her with a negative view of you every time you talk to her, it seems.

You're pi$$in' ol' Qfwfq off.

Write this on the board 500 times. "I, ATN [but spell it out], do promise not to be vindictive, ever, because I don't want to pi$$ ol' Qfwfq off!"

-Qfwfq

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">You going to a counselor? A good one? Or are you just getting feedback from us? </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Hey hey hey...I stayed at a Holiday Inn express who says I am not an expert?

After 24 pages of replies----what were talking about? <img border="0" title="" alt="[Confused]" src="images/icons/confused.gif" />

<img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by Any Time Now...:
<strong>Yes I read Carols 180. I wish it could help me though. You see my wife right now is hurting and is stubborn enough not to let anyone know it. I can sense it cause of the way she talks to me, almost as if she is above me, business like. And we have been talking about us but the conversation always goes south. She wants to talk about divorce and I want to talk about our marrirage. Until we agree to talk about someting we agree to talk about it is pretty hopeless. She will purposely cut me off now, rather than to hear what I have to say. Or she will purposely LB to stop convo...

MORE THEN CONFUSED. To be honest, if I went to PLAN B right now, I do not think it would matter.

ATN</strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Then STOP TALKING about your marriage! It is an obvious lovebuster.

<img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" /> I have nothing to say except. I know. Its hard and I know better.

<img border="0" title="" alt="[Confused]" src="images/icons/confused.gif" />

ATN:

Try looking at what's happening as if you were an independent observer (Spacecase has been urging me to do this for a long time, and it's WORKING). You can then be able to see your W's actions/reactions to you in an objective light. This will help you to not take what's happening so personally, which will make you more able to be constructive when you're around her, rather than destructive (Lovebusting).

We care about you (and her!).
-Qfwfq

UPDATE:

Well I went and saw a different lawyer tuesday and I am going to fighting my wife for custody of the kids. At this point I am not sure what type of custody, full or joint, but I am not going to settle to just have "visitation rights". My "old" lawyer had the balls (he a guy) to ask me to write 6 reasons I wanted my kids. I was pissed that this jerk, friend of the family too, would even put me in the position to answer that. They are my kids just as much as my wifes and for her to have an affair and expect me to let her take everything, I am just not going to let that happen. I contacted the lawyer I used for my D adoption and told her everything going on and she could not represnt me because it was a conflict of interest, but refered my to her close friend. I sat in this womans office (new lawyer) and I was blown away with what my old lawyer was mot telling me. She also is very well know in my community for getting kids for single dads. I will say that I am on the right track now if divorce is inevitable (sp).

As far as me and the wife, still not there. She is very angry toward me and once she finds out I have a high powered lawyer and that I am requesting a private party to "evaluate us" for consideration to the court on custody and that will cost us ea $2000. She will not be happy. But then again, I am not just going to sit here and not do what is in the best interst of my kids. They need a father just as much as a mother, and because she has some choices I do not agree with, I have to move forward.

We have LB'ed a little when talking but I try to courtious and loving. But she just gets plain mean, I mean like I think she is having a real hard time with her consiance (sp)

ATN

Well GOD's wrath is beginning on my wife. A few weeks ago she indicated (inadvertantly) to her mom that she needing to go on penicillin and asked her mom why she was allergic to it as a child. Her mom said she probably was not allergic to it now and that when she was younger she got a small rash and since then she has been labled as allergic. Anyway her mother told me this and we both began to think STD. A little birdy told me to look into and see who perscribed it. Yep...A Gynecology Doctor....ANd even better...not her normal one...Could her new love..(LUST) be cheating on her like I have suspected???? Well this was exactly two weeks ago she started meds and it appears they still have contact??? But why....Why would my wife want to keep contacting someone who gave her an STD....Maybe they are not seeing each other??? But I would be foolish to think that.

Anyway I am depositing points as much as I can. She has probably gotten notice that I have "fired" my lawyer and is probably confused as to why I have not "hired" a new one. The new laywer is on vacation till next week so I have obtained her, yet she has not informed the court yet. I have to be cautious if wife starts acting nice to get info from me. This seams to be her stategy in the past.

My MIL and I have been pondering that this is realy begining to have an impact on my wife. You see, my wife was/is a very family orientated person. She so much enjoyed being around family, having family over for dinners, bdays and holidays...etc but now ABSOLUTLY nothing. And to realize in the future there will be no family. Even on the OM side....Remember I accidently contacted OM parents and they know who I am and even my wifes name. That is not good becasue OM told his parents that his wife is LEAVING him??? So even if this relastionship pans out....OM parents will eventuly see he was lying....

I truly feel sad for my wife. I see a part of her that wants to be part of our marriage yet she is still abducted....

Melody, WAT and Q....what to do? I am thinking of laying low again while all of this lawyer stuff subsides. I have decided I am going for Joint Custody of kids. But in the mean time I will let her stew and be afar.

I LOVE MY WIFE UNCONDITIONALLY

Regards

ATN:

sorry, been busy!

I agree, it's very sad what's happening to her, but it's also pretty typical. Just make sure you protect yourself and your kids if you ever do get back together.

I like your plan to lay low while the lawyer thing plays out. This way you're not on the firing line when she starts lashing out in reaction to all the flotsam coming to the surface re OM's family and their view of him. Let her figure it out on her own.

Please take care,
-Qfwfq

Melody....Are you out there? Have not heard from you? Are you ok? Usualy you post replies.

LMK

ATN

ATN:

How are YOU doing? It's been a while. You're usually more talkative than this!!

-2long (fka Qfwfq)